help me stop obsessing over my weight ...

[Anonymous]

I've had a somewhat unhealthy relationship with food since I was in high school. I was slightly overweight in middle school and the beginning of high school (5'2'' and 145 lbs was the worst of it). I started to lose weight towards the end of high school, primarily by cutting out virtually everything except for fruit, vegetables, and some lean proteins, and ended up with a mild eating disorder (the skinniest I was was 5'2'' and 105 lbs). Now, in my early 30s, I'm at a healthier weight (5'3.5'' and 128 lbs) and have been for almost 6 years. However, I still count calories and weigh myself every day. If I gain even a pound, I feel terrible about myself. I do eat a wider variety of food now, but I'm still constantly thinking about what I look like. I still feel like the pudgy middle schooler I used to be.

How can I develop a healthier relationship with food? I have a young daughter and I really, really don't want to pass this along to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had a somewhat unhealthy relationship with food since I was in high school. I was slightly overweight in middle school and the beginning of high school (5'2'' and 145 lbs was the worst of it). I started to lose weight towards the end of high school, primarily by cutting out virtually everything except for fruit, vegetables, and some lean proteins, and ended up with a mild eating disorder (the skinniest I was was 5'2'' and 105 lbs). Now, in my early 30s, I'm at a healthier weight (5'3.5'' and 128 lbs) and have been for almost 6 years. However, I still count calories and weigh myself every day. If I gain even a pound, I feel terrible about myself. I do eat a wider variety of food now, but I'm still constantly thinking about what I look like. I still feel like the pudgy middle schooler I used to be.

How can I develop a healthier relationship with food? I have a young daughter and I really, really don't want to pass this along to her.

Throw away the scale. Period. Do not buy another one.

I think that counting calories is okay, as long as you are not restricting them extremely. Figure out what your daily caloric intake should be, and then stick to that. I feel empowered in that I know what I can eat, where I can splurge, and where I need to cut down when I actually track my food.

As for your child, I think that the best you can do is model healthy eating habits. Eat a variety of foods with a variety of flavors. If you just eat fruit, vegetables, and lean protein, that's fine. You could add in some starches like rice or bread or pasta, but if you don't like those things, just make sure that you are eating a healthy variety. Your daughter needs to see you splurge on exciting food. She needs to see you eating birthday cake at her birthday or getting an appetizer at a restaurant. I found that tracking what I ate allowed me to feel more comfortable getting a dessert or another glass of wine or whatever without being concerned that it would blow my diet.

But definitely ditch the scale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had a somewhat unhealthy relationship with food since I was in high school. I was slightly overweight in middle school and the beginning of high school (5'2'' and 145 lbs was the worst of it). I started to lose weight towards the end of high school, primarily by cutting out virtually everything except for fruit, vegetables, and some lean proteins, and ended up with a mild eating disorder (the skinniest I was was 5'2'' and 105 lbs). Now, in my early 30s, I'm at a healthier weight (5'3.5'' and 128 lbs) and have been for almost 6 years. However, I still count calories and weigh myself every day. If I gain even a pound, I feel terrible about myself. I do eat a wider variety of food now, but I'm still constantly thinking about what I look like. I still feel like the pudgy middle schooler I used to be.

How can I develop a healthier relationship with food? I have a young daughter and I really, really don't want to pass this along to her.

Do you work out? Like you, I was an overweight teenager and unlike many of my peers (majority Asian), I gain weight really really easily. I've realized over the years that the only way I can maintain a constant weight is to strength train and perform a little cardio. The whole idea is to build muscle and that will mitigate obvious weight gain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had a somewhat unhealthy relationship with food since I was in high school. I was slightly overweight in middle school and the beginning of high school (5'2'' and 145 lbs was the worst of it). I started to lose weight towards the end of high school, primarily by cutting out virtually everything except for fruit, vegetables, and some lean proteins, and ended up with a mild eating disorder (the skinniest I was was 5'2'' and 105 lbs). Now, in my early 30s, I'm at a healthier weight (5'3.5'' and 128 lbs) and have been for almost 6 years. However, I still count calories and weigh myself every day. If I gain even a pound, I feel terrible about myself. I do eat a wider variety of food now, but I'm still constantly thinking about what I look like. I still feel like the pudgy middle schooler I used to be.

How can I develop a healthier relationship with food? I have a young daughter and I really, really don't want to pass this along to her.

Do you work out? Like you, I was an overweight teenager and unlike many of my peers (majority Asian), I gain weight really really easily. I've realized over the years that the only way I can maintain a constant weight is to strength train and perform a little cardio. The whole idea is to build muscle and that will mitigate obvious weight gain.

So when I was in college and at the height of my eating issues, I worked out religiously every day. Now, since I work full-time and have a 15 month old, I am way too exhausted to work out. I need to make myself do it, though. I think I'll be more comfortable indulging more with food if I work out.

[Anonymous]

I've never done a Whole 30, but I like this list of non-scale health metrics a lot.
https://whole30.com/downloads/whole30-nsv.pdf

[Anonymous]

Start exercising. Learn to focus on feeling good about what your body can do, and making it stronger.

I too overweight - and MUCH heaver than you ever were. Exercise helped me lose the weight, and gain so much more confidence. I now never weigh myself. Ever.

What's more important - that I'm up 5lbs after starting lifting weights, or than I can lift more, and run more than some dudes? The latter gives me so much more value.

Start working out, OP. Find something that sparks your interest - maybe swimming, boxing, hiking, running, etc. Let your value your body in the strength you find from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had a somewhat unhealthy relationship with food since I was in high school. I was slightly overweight in middle school and the beginning of high school (5'2'' and 145 lbs was the worst of it). I started to lose weight towards the end of high school, primarily by cutting out virtually everything except for fruit, vegetables, and some lean proteins, and ended up with a mild eating disorder (the skinniest I was was 5'2'' and 105 lbs). Now, in my early 30s, I'm at a healthier weight (5'3.5'' and 128 lbs) and have been for almost 6 years. However, I still count calories and weigh myself every day. If I gain even a pound, I feel terrible about myself. I do eat a wider variety of food now, but I'm still constantly thinking about what I look like. I still feel like the pudgy middle schooler I used to be.

How can I develop a healthier relationship with food? I have a young daughter and I really, really don't want to pass this along to her.

Throw away the scale. Period. Do not buy another one.

I think that counting calories is okay, as long as you are not restricting them extremely. Figure out what your daily caloric intake should be, and then stick to that. I feel empowered in that I know what I can eat, where I can splurge, and where I need to cut down when I actually track my food.

As for your child, I think that the best you can do is model healthy eating habits. Eat a variety of foods with a variety of flavors. If you just eat fruit, vegetables, and lean protein, that's fine. You could add in some starches like rice or bread or pasta, but if you don't like those things, just make sure that you are eating a healthy variety. Your daughter needs to see you splurge on exciting food. She needs to see you eating birthday cake at her birthday or getting an appetizer at a restaurant. I found that tracking what I ate allowed me to feel more comfortable getting a dessert or another glass of wine or whatever without being concerned that it would blow my diet.

But definitely ditch the scale.

I think this is great advice. My history with food is very similar to OP's and ditching the scale helped enormously. I'm only weighed at the doctor's office and usually I turn my head. I go by how my clothes fit.

I also have a DD and it's important for her not to hear me say I'm dieting, I'm trying to lose weight, I don't like how much I weigh, etc. I may say I'm trying to eat healthier (like when my kids and I were talking about New Year's Resolutions). I emphasize to her how important it is to be strong, appreciate your body and what it does for you. And eating enough and the right fuel for that to happen.

[Anonymous]

Read Geneen Roth books-great perspective on food and body images

[Anonymous]

Definitely work on this now, otherwise the metabolism shifts as you get older will be really, really hard for you. Most of the folks I know have gained a bit of weight as we hit 40 and 45, even if we're careful.

And be really careful about passing the attitudes onto your child. All the women I know with eating disorders (many) had moms who were obsessed with their own weight or their daughters'. My sister and I are lucky that my mom wasn't like that - we're both pretty normal about food.

Try to find time for exercise, too. I don't mind that much that I'm 5'8" and nearly 160 because I have a lot of muscle. The number on the scale might bug me if I didn't know I was in really good shape.

[Anonymous]

I think you should get rid of the scale and find time for exercise. I also have weight issues and I find that when I exercise I feel strong and I want to feed my body well, regardless of fluctuations on the scale.