Punishment for breaking glasses

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[Post New]09/11/2009 15:43
Anonymous
My 4 yo just decided to pop out a lense and snap his eye glasses in half. He's very strong (and strong-willed) for his age. This transpired after he didn't get the color bowl he wanted for snack and just being overtired first week of pre-school. We do time outs (he's in one now), set limits, give firm warnings, take away toys, try to use natural consequences, etc. These cost $300 and were his 4th pair since he started wearing them in March. Others were lost, not broken. My question is, what is the correct discipline for breaking glasses? They will need to be replaced obviously and its not like he likes wearing them or would miss them otherwise....so what can I do or take away? I'm furious.
[Post New]09/11/2009 15:57
Anonymous
Oh, how frustrating. Of course we all put expensive things out of the kids' reach, but what to do with something like glasses!? I feel for you.

Take away TV. Or dessert. Or video games. Pick one very most favorite thing that you already have to ration because he would over-do it if you let him, and take it away altogether. Then every time he asks for that thing, remind him that he's not allowed to have it. Ask him if he remembers WHY he's not allowed to have it. When you feel like he really gets it, then have the talk about being careful with his possesions. Make sure he associates his glasses with TV (or dessert, or whatever), and lack thereof.
[Post New]09/11/2009 16:00
Anonymous
Take away toys to "pay" for the glasses. Show him the "cost" of the glasses through his favorite toys.
[Post New]09/11/2009 16:00
Anonymous
Wow! My 3 year old wears glasses too and I'm glad she hasn't learned this trick... I'm with the idea of removing an important toy or privilege. A week is a long time in the life of a little kid, so I'd start with that.

For the future you probably need an unbreakable frame or some other kind of arrangement where he can't do this again. Where do you get his glasses? I don't know where you live, but we go out to Eyeballs in Damascus, MD. It's a 40 minute schlep for us, but I think if you were to tell the owner about this situation, she would have two or three tips for you about making sure he couldn't pop the lens again. It's that kind of place. They have replaced glasses for free for us after my daughter had an accident.
[Post New]09/11/2009 16:03
Anonymous
I'd start buying cheapo glasses on top of it all.
[Post New]09/11/2009 16:04
Anonymous
You can get a replacement insurance policy for glasses, if you didn't already. I got that for my own for the first time after my toddler started really ripping into "mine."

Four? No TV or whatever other activity he adores for at least a week. Something that causes some pain each day for a while, so that he remembers....
[Post New]09/11/2009 16:14
Anonymous
Wow, I have a completely different take. He's in his first week of preschool and overtired, so likely struggling to deal with the transition to preschool. I say the first step is tp give him empathy with what he is going through, followed by a discussion of his feelings and how he could better cope with them. Then move on to a discussion about your expectations for how he treats his glasses, and why you're upset, followed by a one-time-only punishment such as no TV or dessert that night.
[Post New]09/11/2009 18:05
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Wow, I have a completely different take. He's in his first week of preschool and overtired, so likely struggling to deal with the transition to preschool. I say the first step is tp give him empathy with what he is going through, followed by a discussion of his feelings and how he could better cope with them. Then move on to a discussion about your expectations for how he treats his glasses, and why you're upset, followed by a one-time-only punishment such as no TV or dessert that night.


I agree with this. Also, he doesn't understand the value of money so breaking the glasses isn't any worse in his universe than other transgression.

If the conversation above doesn't work, try "You'll have to go to preschool looking pretty silly with your glasses taped together with duct tape if you do that again." I know, it's shaming, but it's a real consequence.
[Post New]09/11/2009 19:09
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Also, he doesn't understand the value of money so breaking the glasses isn't any worse in his universe than other transgression.


I don't think this is quite right. I am assuming that OP told him that breaking or losing glasses was a big deal when replacing the other three pairs? I know that my 3-year-old understands that breaking mommy or daddy's glasses is a big big deal because we need our glasses to see and they take a long time and a lot of money to replace.
[Post New]09/11/2009 19:11
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Also, he doesn't understand the value of money so breaking the glasses isn't any worse in his universe than other transgression.


I don't think this is quite right. I am assuming that OP told him that breaking or losing glasses was a big deal when replacing the other three pairs? I know that my 3-year-old understands that breaking mommy or daddy's glasses is a big big deal because we need our glasses to see and they take a long time and a lot of money to replace.


Mu 6 year old has no concept of money. At all.
[Post New]09/11/2009 19:15
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Wow, I have a completely different take. He's in his first week of preschool and overtired, so likely struggling to deal with the transition to preschool. I say the first step is tp give him empathy with what he is going through, followed by a discussion of his feelings and how he could better cope with them. Then move on to a discussion about your expectations for how he treats his glasses, and why you're upset, followed by a one-time-only punishment such as no TV or dessert that night.


UGH!
[Post New]09/11/2009 19:21
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow, I have a completely different take. He's in his first week of preschool and overtired, so likely struggling to deal with the transition to preschool. I say the first step is tp give him empathy with what he is going through, followed by a discussion of his feelings and how he could better cope with them. Then move on to a discussion about your expectations for how he treats his glasses, and why you're upset, followed by a one-time-only punishment such as no TV or dessert that night.


UGH!


I would choose 16:14 to be my mom.
[Post New]09/11/2009 20:11
Anonymous
My DS wears glasses and has for yrs. Get the Flexon brand. They are almost indestructible! My son has never broken his glasses even though he has treated them pretty badly over the yrs. I would impose a consequence like having him help you with chores or something to help pay for new glasses. Taking away TV might work for an older child but with a 4 yr old, they kind of need to see that their work is going towards making things right. Watching you do chores while he sits there and plays (instead of watching TV) is pretty meaningless.
[Post New]09/11/2009 20:52
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow, I have a completely different take. He's in his first week of preschool and overtired, so likely struggling to deal with the transition to preschool. I say the first step is tp give him empathy with what he is going through, followed by a discussion of his feelings and how he could better cope with them. Then move on to a discussion about your expectations for how he treats his glasses, and why you're upset, followed by a one-time-only punishment such as no TV or dessert that night.


UGH!


I would choose 16:14 to be my mom.


Yeah, but how would you have turned out?

I think you can be empathetic to his situation and still punish him for ruining his glasses. It's bad enough that he had a bad day and did something very wrong. The last thing he needs to see is that his parents are fickle in their rules. At best, his takeaway is that if he's really upset, certain behaviors are excusable. A lot of people still think that into adulthood, making excuses for their aggression.
[Post New]09/11/2009 20:58
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow, I have a completely different take. He's in his first week of preschool and overtired, so likely struggling to deal with the transition to preschool. I say the first step is tp give him empathy with what he is going through, followed by a discussion of his feelings and how he could better cope with them. Then move on to a discussion about your expectations for how he treats his glasses, and why you're upset, followed by a one-time-only punishment such as no TV or dessert that night.


UGH!


I would choose 16:14 to be my mom.


Yeah, but how would you have turned out?

I think you can be empathetic to his situation and still punish him for ruining his glasses. It's bad enough that he had a bad day and did something very wrong. The last thing he needs to see is that his parents are fickle in their rules. At best, his takeaway is that if he's really upset, certain behaviors are excusable. A lot of people still think that into adulthood, making excuses for their aggression.


I never looked at it that way. That is a serious eye opener. Thank you.
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