How do you deal with being judged about your parenting skills by your significant other?

[Anonymous]

Dating someone long-term who seems frustrated that I haven’t gained control over my challenging kid. Is it unrealistic to hope someone simply remain supportive even though they seem to be judging your parenting skills poorly? Sometimes I wonder why I even bother mentioning my parenting challenges because I don’t want to get the annoyed judgment back. And then there’s the heartbreak of knowing your significant other fiinds your kid annoying and frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Has the significant other actually stated this directly, or is it the vibe you're picking up on (sighs, eye rolling, change in tone of voice)?

If it's the latter, then you need to have a conversation: "So I've noticed that your tone changes when I've mentioned a challenge I've had with Larlo. To be honest, I'm feeling judged. What can you say about that?"

If you've had the conversation, then you have to decide if this is a deal breaker. It kinda sounds like it might be for you, and you're just accepting that. You and your kid are a package deal, and the last thing any relationship can withstand is resentment. That's poison.

[Anonymous]

If you want actual advice give details.

[Anonymous]

Does the person you're dating have kids? If not, it might be an issue of truly not understanding what it's like. It's really hard to complain about parenting challenges to someone who doesn't have kids because they just don't understand, no matter how much they might try. If this person is not involved with your child more than here and there, it might be really hard to get the full picture.

Is this a case where it's okay for you to complain that your kid is annoying and frustrating, but not for your significant other because that person isn't a parent of the kid? I certainly think my kids are annoying and frustrating, but if my parents intimate that they feel that way, I get defensive, for example.

[Anonymous]

Is she right?

[Anonymous]

Maybe they think they're being helpful? If you don't want to hear an opinion don't complain! Or break up.

[Anonymous]

Why are you even with this person?

My children are my priority, by a long way.

[Anonymous]

How can you be serious with someone if they find your kid annoying? What is wrong with you? I’m guessing very very low self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you be serious with someone if they find your kid annoying? What is wrong with you? I’m guessing very very low self esteem.

Some kids are terrors. OP stated they have not learned how to manage their kid. I feel sorry for the SO dating someone with no backbone that can’t discipline a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you be serious with someone if they find your kid annoying? What is wrong with you? I’m guessing very very low self esteem.

OP finds her own kid annoying. She goes on dates and vents about her annoying kid and then gets offended when her ate makes suggestions. I'm guessing OP is immature.

[Anonymous]

This would really hurt my feelings. My ex-husband used to criticize my parents all the time. He criticized everything though, but that hurt the most. He was a a narcisstic sociopath. I’d break up with anyone that did this. I don’t tolerate mean people anymore.

[Anonymous]

* parenting not parents (though ironically, both are true).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating someone long-term who seems frustrated that I haven’t gained control over my challenging kid. Is it unrealistic to hope someone simply remain supportive even though they seem to be judging your parenting skills poorly? Sometimes I wonder why I even bother mentioning my parenting challenges because I don’t want to get the annoyed judgment back. And then there’s the heartbreak of knowing your significant other fiinds your kid annoying and frustrating.

Well first, you can't have it both ways. Either your kid is great, and just hasn't been parented properly, or your kid is annoying and frustrating, in which case you can't be offended when other people find the same.

Second, I think it's difficult for someone to continually remain supportive (especially "long-term" as you've indicated) when it seems like the other person has basically given up and just wants to whinge and complain (er sorry, "mention their parenting challenges").

Honestly it seems like your partner is the one getting the worse end of the stick so far, based on your OP.

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends. Does SO have kids, are they a good parent, do you have a close relationship where advice is appreciated? If it's someone who has never raised kids, no thanks. I don't appreciate armchair quarterbacking. But if he's someone who has raised good kids, might be worth hearing him out.

[Anonymous]

If your parenting styles are different, the relationship has a poor prognosis. If your kid is out of control, what are you doing about it?

I just broke up with someone for that reason; his kid was an only child and terribly spoiled - didn't know how to take turns, share, or do anything he didn't want to do.

I wasn't going to merge families with him and put my kids through that hell.