Husband is a jacka$$!

[Anonymous]

I posted before about not feeling as though I loved my husband anymore, if ever. Well, he has confirmed my feelings as he is a complete jacka$$. This morning he started compaining about my 15 year old not cleaning up after himself and said he can't wait until he turns 18 so he can get out of the house. I told him my son will be going to college after high school and is welcome to stay here as long as he is studying. He started ranting and raving that he's the one that pays the bills (barely), my son should be paying rent and I don't even have a job so I shouldn't be able to speak. Well, if taking care of a high schooler, two little ones 24/7 and being pregnant with a 4th is not a job, then I don't know what is! He's an a$$hole for saying that anyway because he's the kind of man who thinks a woman should stay home to raise the children.

I feel like this marriage is over and I want him to leave so bad, but I know he won't. I am much happier during the week when he is at work and dread the weekends now. I hate doing anything with him anymore and just want him gone. It's not an option for me to leave because I have nowhere to go with 3 boys and another baby on the way. Plus, my 15 year old has been moved around so much and only has two more years left of high school. I want him to stay where he is and not uproot him anymore.

I don't want our children to grow up in a miserable househould. I'm just trying to figure out how to make it civil for the next two years. Once my older son graduates, I have a feeling I won't hesitate to leave if things are still this way.

[Anonymous]

OMG, OP - I could have written your post (except for the baby on the way part). We must be married to the same guy! It took me years to finally have had enough and decide it's time to get a divorce, even though I am also a SAHM with no income. Don't be so quick to assume you can't leave and stay afloat. With 4 kids, your child support may be more than you think, depending on what your DH makes.

Don't kid yourself about what your 15 y/o is feeling. Being unwelcome in his own house or even being "tolerated" is a horrible thing to endure. I would be worried about what your DS may come to think of you "allowing" those living conditions instead of protecting him. Not preaching, b/c this is a big factor for me in timing of my divorce too - - be a dick to me, I can give it right back. Be a dick to my son? No way, game over.

Best of luck whatever you decide, but know this, the courts will look at keeping the sibs together as preferable to splitting them up. Your kids together no doubt adore their big brother, and you're pregnant. You may be pleasantly surprised if the courts award you with hefty c/s, enough to allow you to stay home with the baby for 1-2 years.

[Anonymous]

Go to marriage counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to marriage counseling.

This is beyond marriage counseling. The guy sounds like an abusive, controlling asshole.

OP - I advise you see an attorney and see if there is any way you could make him leave. He sounds frightening.

[Anonymous]

Oh my god OP, I am so sorry you have to deal with that. I have a 14 year old and I am so thankful that my husband loves him and treats him like his own. The one gripe I do not have is how much DH loves my teen.

Could you consult a lawyer and see what options you have as far as support you would receive, or possibly seek help from family? Mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and your children should not have to live with that.

Big hugs and I am sorry.

[Anonymous]

I would bet she's already been to marriage counseling, probably a few different ones even. You don't get to this point with an abusive, angry spouse having never considered or attempting marriage counseling.

Talk to an attorney - you may be surprised. It will be the best $300 you ever spent for an hour of his/her time to see what your scenarios are.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we briefly tried marriage counseling, but he's one of those types of men that don't feel the problem is them and most likely won't change. I've been to counseling myself as well. I'm still not sure exactly what I'm going to do, but talking with a lawyer is a good first step. Thank you for the suggestions.