i want to become a SAHM, but we can't afford it

[Anonymous]

this is really just a vent because i know there are no solutions. i used to love my job, but a combination of asinine office politics and doing the same damn thing for 10 years with no end in sight means i just am so unmotivated. i turned a project into my supervisor today, knew it wasn't great, was told to fix it (in a nice way -- my supervisor is a nice guy), and didn't even care. i'll fix it, but i didn't care about getting mediocre feedback on it. a year ago, i would've been pretty upset. i just don't care anymore.

i live for the moment when i pick up my 1 year old from daycare. i hate that i can only spend 2 hours with her in the evening (less if, like today, she didn't nap well at daycare and so is taking a late nap). i hate that i'm tired from a 60 min commute each way through beltway traffic.

i wish i could become a SAHM, but we just can't afford it. i also don't want to put that much pressure on my husband, who has a chronic illness that is exacerbated from stress. his illness also means we can't afford to not have guaranteed insurance (i work for the feds in a job i essentially can't be fired from, while he's in the private sector).

anyway, i just wanted to vent a little.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat as you! Any chance you can go part time? I was able to get one day off a week which helps so much. I also go to work really early (husband drops off the baby at daycare) so I can get home early to spend time with the baby. Being a working mom is so tough, but like you, I'm doing it for the security and insurance.

[Anonymous]

get a new job?

[Anonymous]

cool story bro

[Anonymous]

I think if your commute was minimized you'd be much happier. THats 2 hours stolen from you a day. If you're a fed that's harder but see if you can do a lateral move somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Can you add in a telework day or two?

If part-time is an option, even an hour less a day would put you home an hour earlier.

Or move closer to your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:cool story bro

go away

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry! I hear you! I am pregnant and have a 2 year old. I would have loved the opportunity to stay home for a year but it’s not possible. As it is, I’m changing jobs while pregnant and anticipate being away from home a little longer each day but I’m finding ways to save energy and time...gotta find ways to cut down on stress whether that is by hiring someone to clean your home every 2-4 weeks, going with a meal prep service or doing like 10 min meal prep meals...

There are ways that working parents can cut down on stress. Also- use your vacation leave if you aren’t already! Take time off to enjoy your family!

It’s hard being a working parent but you aren’t alone! Take care of yourself and show yourself some love!

[Anonymous]

J. Crew is hiring.

[Anonymous]

to the people making fun of me: go away, please.

to others: thank you, i really appreciate it. i could try to go part-time. i'm worried it'll stymie my career prospects because i know people get branded with the "part-time" stigma, but it might be the only choice. i can't telework because i can't do my job from home.

i work from 7-3:30, so i do have some time with my daughter, but it's 4:45 by the time i get to her, and then if she needs a nap at home, i see her from 6 until she goes to bed at 7:30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:to the people making fun of me: go away, please.

to others: thank you, i really appreciate it. i could try to go part-time. i'm worried it'll stymie my career prospects because i know people get branded with the "part-time" stigma, but it might be the only choice. i can't telework because i can't do my job from home.

i work from 7-3:30, so i do have some time with my daughter, but it's 4:45 by the time i get to her, and then if she needs a nap at home, i see her from 6 until she goes to bed at 7:30.

A lot of moms are "damned if you don't and damned if you do." I became a sahm, and I don't regret it, but now that I want to go back to work, it's really hard. It's harder because I don't want an hour commute, so my choices are really limited.

It is disheartening. Most women cannot have it all. Can you try to find a different job closer to home?

[Anonymous]

1. Find a new fed job that allows one day of telework
2. Move. Get an hour back of your day. Seriously consider this. Why on earth do you need to live so far from your job? Reconsider how much space you need. Perhaps consider a two bedroom condo within walking distance to work. Get rid of your cars. Change your lifestyle. Free up cash so you can save most of your income.

[Anonymous]

She will soon outgrow the late nap, and stay up later. Focus on the good things: you are saving for retirement, providing healthcare, and extra income for college. See if you can telecommute or do AWS. Maybe look for opportunities at a different agency, or doing a different job for your agency.


Hoard money in savings and pay off all your debt to give you more flexibility.

If you try all that and still feel that way, maybe your husband can change jobs to make a little more money. If he loses his job, you use savings to COBRA or buy off the exchanges while one or both of you looks for a new job.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat as a single parent lol. I'm so over being bored at work and the hour long commute. Most days in out of the house for 11-12 hours. It sucks. Today's commute was almost 2 hours yo go 15 miles. Somethings gotta give.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, everyone. Unfortunately, we can't afford to live close to my job, in part because it would turn my husband's commute into hell. We live in MoCo and I work in Northern VA. He works in MD, east of the District. We tried to find a part of MoCo that optimized both of our commutes as much as possible. We don't have outlandish expenses; we live in a 2-bedroom condo, take 1 vacation a year and cook during the week.

Unfortunately, no one in my agency can telework because we work in a classified environment. I do a job that can only be done with a TS//SCI clearance. I could switch to the private sector, but I worry the hours would only be worse, given what I do (the equivalent of my job in the private sector would be risk consulting).

My husband makes good money ($160k plus bonus and stock options) but as you all know, this area is just too freaking expensive. Also, we really can't afford to not have insurance that covers his medication. He takes medication that costs $5,000/month without insurance. I really worry anything we got through COBRA or an exchange wouldn't cover his medication.