Before a child support order is established, what can I do (if anything)?

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM before separating, and have very small children (toddler and baby). I was living overseas with limited employment opportunities so have relocated to the US with our children. STBXH was financially abusive: I couldn't have any money he didn't know about, couldn't withdraw money, couldn't save money. I took out a credit card to get out and am living on a cash advance. We still have a joint account but when he got paid he cleaned it out save for $100. When I told him I need more for the kids, he said, basically, tough sh*t. Is there anything I can do? From what I understand this process could take up to six months. I'll have a job but will also be paying childcare, along with everything else. Any advice appreciated.

[Anonymous]

In Maryland, it won't take six months if you are married and paternity isn't an issue. I got temporary support and alimony within a month and then a permanent support order with phased out alimony for 4 months within another four months. Make sure that you are accounting for every penny you are spending and consider a lawyer to file rather than going through the state. My ex had to pay all the household bills (except groceries and toiletries) and show a $0 balance for rent and utilities before the order ended and accounts were transfered into my name.

He's on divorce #2. Wife #2 had no kids, but she got an alimony check in under 2 mos.

[Anonymous]

In your case, I would try to find a social worker who can help. Are you staying with family for the time being?

If your ex is in another country, who knows if you'll ever see that money (if he's a gov't employee, you probably will, but if not, he may not comply).

You can call your county's social services division to see what help you qualify for. You are in a very difficult place, particularly because of you childcare needs. Good luck to you, and I hope when you come out the other side, everything is much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your case, I would try to find a social worker who can help. Are you staying with family for the time being?

If your ex is in another country, who knows if you'll ever see that money (if he's a gov't employee, you probably will, but if not, he may not comply).

You can call your county's social services division to see what help you qualify for. You are in a very difficult place, particularly because of you childcare needs. Good luck to you, and I hope when you come out the other side, everything is much better.

He is a federal employee (thank God) but still overseas. I am subletting from a friend and working on getting my own place - no family support. I am meeting with a lawyer on Monday, and will also plan on checking out social services too. Thank you for your encouragement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In Maryland, it won't take six months if you are married and paternity isn't an issue. I got temporary support and alimony within a month and then a permanent support order with phased out alimony for 4 months within another four months. Make sure that you are accounting for every penny you are spending and consider a lawyer to file rather than going through the state. My ex had to pay all the household bills (except groceries and toiletries) and show a $0 balance for rent and utilities before the order ended and accounts were transfered into my name.

He's on divorce #2. Wife #2 had no kids, but she got an alimony check in under 2 mos.

I am in Maryland so this is good to hear. Good for you for getting out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM before separating, and have very small children (toddler and baby). I was living overseas with limited employment opportunities so have relocated to the US with our children. STBXH was financially abusive: I couldn't have any money he didn't know about, couldn't withdraw money, couldn't save money. I took out a credit card to get out and am living on a cash advance. We still have a joint account but when he got paid he cleaned it out save for $100. When I told him I need more for the kids, he said, basically, tough sh*t. Is there anything I can do? From what I understand this process could take up to six months. I'll have a job but will also be paying childcare, along with everything else. Any advice appreciated.

Tell the child support office and ex you are filling for assistance. That gets the date to move faster and it means he will owe the state . State gets its money.

[Anonymous]

Date=state moves faster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM before separating, and have very small children (toddler and baby). I was living overseas with limited employment opportunities so have relocated to the US with our children. STBXH was financially abusive: I couldn't have any money he didn't know about, couldn't withdraw money, couldn't save money. I took out a credit card to get out and am living on a cash advance. We still have a joint account but when he got paid he cleaned it out save for $100. When I told him I need more for the kids, he said, basically, tough sh*t. Is there anything I can do? From what I understand this process could take up to six months. I'll have a job but will also be paying childcare, along with everything else. Any advice appreciated.

Tell the child support office and ex you are filling for assistance. That gets the date to move faster and it means he will owe the state . State gets its money.

I second this. Just told a friend the same thing last week. Apply for TANF, WIC for any kids under 5, Food Stamps, FARMs for any school age kiddos, and utility assistance. The state will go after him because his negligence is costing taxpayers. Also, you don't pay the yearly collection fee for wage garnished CS if you were ever on public assistance.

[Anonymous]

I think you've posted about this in the relationship forum before. If you're the same poster I'll repeat the advice I gave you there which is that you need a consult with a lawyer because you're going to have jurisdiction issues regarding both custody and support since you lived with him overseas. If so, you may want to wait to file for child support until you can establish jurisdiction in the home state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you've posted about this in the relationship forum before. If you're the same poster I'll repeat the advice I gave you there which is that you need a consult with a lawyer because you're going to have jurisdiction issues regarding both custody and support since you lived with him overseas. If so, you may want to wait to file for child support until you can establish jurisdiction in the home state.

I can't afford to wait. I'm starting a job and came here only with a credit card, and have to pay childcare for both children. I won't be earning a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't take long to establish residency. It's not like the determination for college. If you are working in MD, have the kids in daycare, and show a lease or sublet agreement, you are good to go. Get a phone that is billed to your MD address. You can apply for a MD driver's license and register to vote as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't take long to establish residency. It's not like the determination for college. If you are working in MD, have the kids in daycare, and show a lease or sublet agreement, you are good to go. Get a phone that is billed to your MD address. You can apply for a MD driver's license and register to vote as well.

I see, so what you're telling me is you've examined the MD domestic relations law code and the applicable family law code from the foreign jurisdiction her husband is residing in and have appropriately resolved any conflict of law issues regarding jurisdiction for the matter? Well that's excellent because you've just saved OP a ton of money regarding a fairly complex legal issue. Alternatively, you have no idea what you're talking about which I suspect is the case because OP has not mentioned the foreign country.

OP, you need a consult with a lawyer to make sure your DH can't remove the case to the jurisdiction in which he resides before you do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't take long to establish residency. It's not like the determination for college. If you are working in MD, have the kids in daycare, and show a lease or sublet agreement, you are good to go. Get a phone that is billed to your MD address. You can apply for a MD driver's license and register to vote as well.

I see, so what you're telling me is you've examined the MD domestic relations law code and the applicable family law code from the foreign jurisdiction her husband is residing in and have appropriately resolved any conflict of law issues regarding jurisdiction for the matter? Well that's excellent because you've just saved OP a ton of money regarding a fairly complex legal issue. Alternatively, you have no idea what you're talking about which I suspect is the case because OP has not mentioned the foreign country.

OP, you need a consult with a lawyer to make sure your DH can't remove the case to the jurisdiction in which he resides before you do anything.

her husband is working for the USG overseas. Thus, he will not be able to establish jurisdiction there to have custody issues addressed by a foreign court. It may be a different issue if he has a residence of record for his USG job which is considered his "home", i.e. the place from which his stuff is shipped from stateside to duty station. It's unlikely on OP's scenario that DH can remove the case to the foreign jurisdiction in which he lives. I'm assuming also that kids are US nationals and don't have any foreign national citizenship of the country of residence.

In any case it is wise for OP to do everything to establish residence and intent to stay here permanently and file (first, hopefully) for divorce. By the DH responds and court date arrives, she has had time to eatablish stronger connections in the US. Important to start working ASAP and get kids in school or daycare to strengthen ties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't take long to establish residency. It's not like the determination for college. If you are working in MD, have the kids in daycare, and show a lease or sublet agreement, you are good to go. Get a phone that is billed to your MD address. You can apply for a MD driver's license and register to vote as well.

I see, so what you're telling me is you've examined the MD domestic relations law code and the applicable family law code from the foreign jurisdiction her husband is residing in and have appropriately resolved any conflict of law issues regarding jurisdiction for the matter? Well that's excellent because you've just saved OP a ton of money regarding a fairly complex legal issue. Alternatively, you have no idea what you're talking about which I suspect is the case because OP has not mentioned the foreign country.

OP, you need a consult with a lawyer to make sure your DH can't remove the case to the jurisdiction in which he resides before you do anything.

her husband is working for the USG overseas. Thus, he will not be able to establish jurisdiction there to have custody issues addressed by a foreign court. It may be a different issue if he has a residence of record for his USG job which is considered his "home", i.e. the place from which his stuff is shipped from stateside to duty station. It's unlikely on OP's scenario that DH can remove the case to the foreign jurisdiction in which he lives. I'm assuming also that kids are US nationals and don't have any foreign national citizenship of the country of residence.

In any case it is wise for OP to do everything to establish residence and intent to stay here permanently and file (first, hopefully) for divorce. By the DH responds and court date arrives, she has had time to eatablish stronger connections in the US. Important to start working ASAP and get kids in school or daycare to strengthen ties.

+1. If her husband is a Fed or military, they maintain their prior US residence until they return. There are certain tax provisions for money earned overseas that may or may not apply, but neither of them is able to establish residence in the new country. You aren't granted any kind of work visa for that country, and you have to return to the US if you lose your American job. They have in no way emigrated.

[Anonymous]

I went through this. I was a SAHM who left then STBX started cutting off support to our three kiddos. It was tough going for a while, I applied and received social services, which helped a lot. Point is that we made it through and I didn't even have a source of income. It stinks, but you'll make it through. Just keep your financial belt tight until your CS is in place. And after the divorce was done I opted to have CS collected through CSE, it did take a few months before receiving that first payment. GL!