does anyone with secondary infertility get sad about the age gap?

[Anonymous]

as the age gap gets wider and wider than you'd hoped it would be?

[Anonymous]

This use to really bother me. My first two kids are 6.5 years apart. 2nd DC took me 12 rounds of IV and I had 2 2nd trimester miscarriages. I think it was the hormones at play though to be honest. I basically was in hormone hell for 5.5 years. Third DC was born via surrogate 6 years after that (took us awhile to save up for that route) and I dont mind what so ever!! Just happy to have 3 kids. I think a lot of it is the hormones and the mind f*ck of trying to build your family when your body is failing you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This use to really bother me. My first two kids are 6.5 years apart. 2nd DC took me 12 rounds of IV and I had 2 2nd trimester miscarriages. I think it was the hormones at play though to be honest. I basically was in hormone hell for 5.5 years. Third DC was born via surrogate 6 years after that (took us awhile to save up for that route) and I dont mind what so ever!! Just happy to have 3 kids. I think a lot of it is the hormones and the mind f*ck of trying to build your family when your body is failing you.

Wow, new poster here who is trying for #3. First DC was 2 fresh, 1 FET. second DC was 2 FET. now on 4th FET for #3, and feel crazy to be going through so much for a third kid, but sounds like you went through a LOT more. after all is said and done you you're out of hormone hell, were those years of sh*t worth it?

[Anonymous]

It will be ok, I'm the eldest of 5, the sibling I'm closes with is 13 years younger than me. I barely speak to the one who is 2 years younger and we never got along as kids either.

[Anonymous]

Not so much of the age gap, but worry about saving up for the retirement as wider age gap (sort of) linked to less years to save for the retirement. So, thinking about that is kind worrisome but not much for the age gap.

[Anonymous]

I know this is a valid concern. I am not trying to start a suffering competition but really, consider that there are folks on here who may never even have a first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a valid concern. I am not trying to start a suffering competition but really, consider that there are folks on here who may never even have a first.

If you are sensitive to that then don't read the post or the replies the content was obvious from the subject. Clearly those of us with secondary infertility know that there are people worse off than we are. Those who haven't had their first can consider that some people are dying in Syria or horrible war crimes. There are always things to be grateful for and always people you can point to who are worse off than you are. This board is so awful to people as secondary infertility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a valid concern. I am not trying to start a suffering competition but really, consider that there are folks on here who may never even have a first.

If you are sensitive to that then don't read the post or the replies the content was obvious from the subject. Clearly those of us with secondary infertility know that there are people worse off than we are. Those who haven't had their first can consider that some people are dying in Syria or horrible war crimes. There are always things to be grateful for and always people you can point to who are worse off than you are. This board is so awful to people as secondary infertility

wow are you defensive! OP is down, I thought gently reminding her that there are people worse off would help her feel gratitude, thereby alleviating some (NOT ALL) of her sadness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a valid concern. I am not trying to start a suffering competition but really, consider that there are folks on here who may never even have a first.

If you are sensitive to that then don't read the post or the replies the content was obvious from the subject. Clearly those of us with secondary infertility know that there are people worse off than we are. Those who haven't had their first can consider that some people are dying in Syria or horrible war crimes. There are always things to be grateful for and always people you can point to who are worse off than you are. This board is so awful to people as secondary infertility

wow are you defensive! OP is down, I thought gently reminding her that there are people worse off would help her feel gratitude, thereby alleviating some (NOT ALL) of her sadness.

16:33 poster. I too read this post because I, like OP, am suffering from secondary infertility. I read the subject line and I knew OP was sad about secondary infertility. I am constantly aware that we all (including OP) tend to get jumped on for posting about it. If someone sees the subject and feels sad because they haven't had their first and here is OP complaining about not having 2, then just move on. Rather than try to make OP feel guilty for her feelings.

[Anonymous]

Please don't be! I have two DD 2 yrs apart and I was literally just wishing there was more of an age gap --like maybe five years -- so I could focus on each one more.

One of my best friends has a DD in high school and one in ES and I feel like she has this awesome set up where a) she has free babysitting b) she gets to do individual things with her kids and they are not competing for the same kind of attention.

[Anonymous]

I felt like this when I was struggling mightily with secondary infertility. Mine ended up 4 years apart (I had started trying when first was 6 months) and it's been terrific.

I honestly believe that any gap will have pluses and minuses. Including much larger ones. It's just that most people have the 3 years and under gaps so it's somehow seen as the norm and it's much easier to reference anecdotally and see the pros of those situations. But all age gaps have something positive. Truly.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt like this when I was struggling mightily with secondary infertility. Mine ended up 4 years apart (I had started trying when first was 6 months) and it's been terrific.

I honestly believe that any gap will have pluses and minuses. Including much larger ones. It's just that most people have the 3 years and under gaps so it's somehow seen as the norm and it's much easier to reference anecdotally and see the pros of those situations. But all age gaps have something positive. Truly.

Good luck.

Yes, this. You just have to look at the positives about whatever age gap you end up with.

And I also agree with the previous poster that a lot of the angst when you are in the middle of it is hormonal and just due to the lack of control over the whole process.

[Anonymous]

First Rule of Parenting ~ You take what the good lord gives you (or the universe, whatever) If you aren't evolved enough to understand that, you need a more selfless mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a valid concern. I am not trying to start a suffering competition but really, consider that there are folks on here who may never even have a first.

If you are sensitive to that then don't read the post or the replies the content was obvious from the subject. Clearly those of us with secondary infertility know that there are people worse off than we are. Those who haven't had their first can consider that some people are dying in Syria or horrible war crimes. There are always things to be grateful for and always people you can point to who are worse off than you are. This board is so awful to people as secondary infertility

+1 (golf claps)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a valid concern. I am not trying to start a suffering competition but really, consider that there are folks on here who may never even have a first.

If you are sensitive to that then don't read the post or the replies the content was obvious from the subject. Clearly those of us with secondary infertility know that there are people worse off than we are. Those who haven't had their first can consider that some people are dying in Syria or horrible war crimes. There are always things to be grateful for and always people you can point to who are worse off than you are. This board is so awful to people as secondary infertility

wow are you defensive! OP is down, I thought gently reminding her that there are people worse off would help her feel gratitude, thereby alleviating some (NOT ALL) of her sadness.

So does the Syria comment make you, primary infertility sufferer, feel better? Didn't think so.