I hate waiting for RSVPs for my kids' parties

[Anonymous]

I've always lived in fear of no one wanting to come to my party. May parents threw sporadic birthday parties for us and I always hated the lead up. In those days I don't remember whether my parents requested RSVPs or not- in my 40s but for me I always feared that on the day no one would turn up. I would even refuse to get ready until the last minute and pretend it was just a normal day so I would not be disappointed.

Now this anxiety has been transferred to my kids. I dread them being disappointed by either only a handful of guests coming or none at all. For the latest party for my 6 turning 7 year old, I sent out the invitation ~3 weeks before the party and one week to the party only a quarter of the invitees have responded. Even though this has been the pattern in the past to a lesser degree I just don't understand why people don't just reply when or soon after they receive the invitation. I do but I that's just a hangover from how I feel when I'm waiting for replies.

Having said that we've had parties for the kids every year for the past 15 years and the parties have all had almost 100% turnout. Yet I'm sitting here checking every couple of hours for new responses! You just never know if this will be the one.

The question still stands though, why not do people not respond early to invitations?

[Anonymous]

First, and I mean this in the kindest way, you need therapy to deal with your anxiety.

Second, people have all sorts of reasons for not responding right away. We always need to check the sports calendar and our various travel schedules (we have three kids and a lot of balls in the air). People respond eventually so don't sweat it!

[Anonymous]

-Waiting for better offers
- Have up in the air plans that someone in the planning group is still hemming and hawing over
- Have ILs who like to announce their visits at the last minute
- Checked their email when they had a spare minute but didn't have time at that moment to look at the calendar and make sure they can attend.

The last two happen to me frequently. The last combines with a horrid cell signal in my office which takes forever to load a webpage so I never answer them at work.

[Anonymous]

I used to send out paper invites weeks in advance for a venue that charges by the person. Now I sent an e-vite a week ahead for a home party. Much easier and less stressful if fewer or more show up. For favors I buy things my kids like so if there's extra, they'll just have more.

[Anonymous]

Checking with their kid to see if the kid wants to attend.

[Anonymous]

I am exactly the same way OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, I usually respond right away, but I think you're shooting yourself in the foot sending out invites so early. For example, I just received an invite to a party over the July 4 weekend. I have no idea if we will be traveling, and DH doesn't know his schedule yet.

Also, if you don't do it already, you should "hide" the guest list from people if you're doing evites. People are sometimes followers and won't RSVP until they see that other people are RSVPing.

[Anonymous]

It seems like your complaint is that people not responding right away (but still within the RSVP window you set) induces your anxiety, not that it affects your planning negatively.

So, either make the RSVP window shorter, or try to figure out another way to lessen your anxiety.

If people are responding by the deadline that YOU set, then you really can't complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like your complaint is that people not responding right away (but still within the RSVP window you set) induces your anxiety, not that it affects your planning negatively.

So, either make the RSVP window shorter, or try to figure out another way to lessen your anxiety.

If people are responding by the deadline that YOU set, then you really can't complain.

It is affecting my planning because I don't know how many crafts, favors game gifts to order. With one week left I have to order these now and because I don't have the numbers I'll have to order for everyone except those who have already declined.
I have 3 kids too but I put everything on the calendar as soon as the emails come in-even games so when I get a party invitation I can answer immediately. If something comes up afterwards my husband and I decide who will drop off or attend the party with the child if it's one of the little ones.

I know we're all different and handle our lives differently but I just can't help it the worry. This is the only area where I ever care what other people do.

And now my daughter is 6 she's monitoring the responses to and wondering why days have passed with no movement

Anyway just venting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I usually respond right away, but I think you're shooting yourself in the foot sending out invites so early. For example, I just received an invite to a party over the July 4 weekend. I have no idea if we will be traveling, and DH doesn't know his schedule yet.

Also, if you don't do it already, you should "hide" the guest list from people if you're doing evites. People are sometimes followers and won't RSVP until they see that other people are RSVPing.

OP here. I thought 3 weeks was late not early. We usually receive invitations for our kids 6-8 weeks in advance. You're right about hiding the list. Didn't think about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And now my daughter is 6 she's monitoring the responses to and wondering why days have passed with no movement

Anyway just venting.

You need to stop it because you're passing it on to your daughter.

[Anonymous]

I hear ya, OP. This was my thread and a lot of people were pretty unkind:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/636029.page

It sounds like your anxiety comes from your own childhood so try not to project. For me, it is just a shy kid having his first non-preschool-where-I-knew-everyone-party. We ended up with 100% attendance though many RSVP'd really late and one just showed without RSVPing.

There was another thread recently where a mom hardly got any RSVP's and asked whether she should cancel the party. It's hard! No advice, just commiserating!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've always lived in fear of no one wanting to come to my party. May parents threw sporadic birthday parties for us and I always hated the lead up. In those days I don't remember whether my parents requested RSVPs or not- in my 40s but for me I always feared that on the day no one would turn up. I would even refuse to get ready until the last minute and pretend it was just a normal day so I would not be disappointed.

Now this anxiety has been transferred to my kids. I dread them being disappointed by either only a handful of guests coming or none at all. For the latest party for my 6 turning 7 year old, I sent out the invitation ~3 weeks before the party and one week to the party only a quarter of the invitees have responded. Even though this has been the pattern in the past to a lesser degree I just don't understand why people don't just reply when or soon after they receive the invitation. I do but I that's just a hangover from how I feel when I'm waiting for replies.

Having said that we've had parties for the kids every year for the past 15 years and the parties have all had almost 100% turnout. Yet I'm sitting here checking every couple of hours for new responses! You just never know if this will be the one.

The question still stands though, why not do people not respond early to invitations?

You really need to relax. Just send out a reminder and be done with it. It is a bummer, but most people these days don't RSVP. Yes it's rude and yes they should, but they don't. Maybe you should get some help for your anxiety.

[Anonymous]

So what, people don't show up, big deal. Have a party yourselves!

[Anonymous]

Buck up, OP. Don't pass this on to your kids. (A) you'll probably have fine attendance (B) if not, it's on YOU to keep your kids spirits up. Get therapy!