S/o Getting to know parents when your kids are older

[Anonymous]

I was reading a thread in the private school forum about making friends with other parents, and one of the responses pointed out that it's harder when kids are old enough to have drop-off playdates.

If your kid is at an age where playdates are drop-off, and you begin to enter the stage of sleep-overs or even moving into the teen years where there's even more freedom, how do you get to know the families? One thing I see with kids getting older and having their own mobile devices, is that they make their own plans but there is rarely direct communication between the parents. And without home phones you never even hear the other child's voice. IMO, I want to know other parents and their values. Are these people I'd trust with my kid for a sleepover or to join their family for a weekend at the beach, or simply whether their children are children that I'd want my kid to be friends with.

Is this important to you, and if so what are you doing to get to know those families? We may or may not end up as friends, but I'd like to be comfortable knowing you beyond passing in the hallway at back to school night.

[Anonymous]

I contact the parents and tell them I'd like to meet them and see if we are comfortable with the situation. I invite their child saying they are welcome to join us, etc.

[Anonymous]

want to know other parents and their values

I could take this to mean a lot of different things, not all of them good.
But giving you the benefit of the doubt ... prior to the children getting together, always exchange cell numbers
with the parents. And how about calling and having a conversation? Get to know each other a little.
I don't know about this "values" discussion. If people aren't evil or doing anything illegal, I let our
children socialize ...

[Anonymous]

Well you.can tell if the children are children you'd want your kids to be friends with by having them over to your house and checking text messages. So that's pretty easy. My house is the hang out house so it's pretty easy for me - I don't care so much about the parents.

I know a few of my fourth graders friends parents and that's because we all live in the neighborhood, go to the same activities etc. But I am sure I don't even know half of them. By middle school, its tough. I meet some at back to school nights and parent teacher conferences. I also rely on my kids teachers to let me know about the kids my kids hang around with. I get very good feedback that way. By high school, the only parents I met were the ones of the kids my kids dated.

There comes a point where you have to go with your kids judgments - hopefully by that point they are making reasonably good choices.

[Anonymous]

I know most of the parents of my kid's friends. If I don't know the parents I at least know the friends. My kids are in 9th and 2nd grades. I volunteer at both schools and both of my kids are in extra curricular activities and sports. I am not friends with all of the parents, but I know them and at least have had a conversation or two with them before I allow my kid to run off to their house or even hang out with their kid alone (in the case of my 9th grader). My 2nd grader is having a friend sleep over tonight... the friend's mother and I have both volunteered at the school and text each other regularly. My child has been having a weekly play date at the friend's house for the past 2 months. My 9th grader is going out for pizza with a group after track practice today. There are 6 kids going. I know both of the parents that are driving (and have their cell phone #'s) and I know what pizza shop they are going to and what time to expect my child home.

In my house it is a requirement that I know these types of details before I will give permission for my kids to hang out with their friends. They know the rules and follow them because that is what is required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well you.can tell if the children are children you'd want your kids to be friends with by having them over to your house and checking text messages. So that's pretty easy. My house is the hang out house so it's pretty easy for me - I don't care so much about the parents.

I know a few of my fourth graders friends parents and that's because we all live in the neighborhood, go to the same activities etc. But I am sure I don't even know half of them. By middle school, its tough. I meet some at back to school nights and parent teacher conferences. I also rely on my kids teachers to let me know about the kids my kids hang around with. I get very good feedback that way. By high school, the only parents I met were the ones of the kids my kids dated.

There comes a point where you have to go with your kids judgments - hopefully by that point they are making reasonably good choices.

Checking who's text messages? Your child or the unrelated child?

[Anonymous]

DD is at the end of middle school and I don't know all her friends or their parents. In fact, I've never met the mom of the girl whose house she sleeps over the most. I shook the dad's hand and met him for five seconds.

But I hear what DD tells me. I listen to her stories about her friends, and what she does at their houses because I ask. "Did you, Kelly and Brenda have fun?" It's that simple.

I know the girl whose house she sleeps at most has an older sister who has a boyfriend, and DD and her friend walked in to find the sister & boyfriend watching Netflix while both wearing face masks. He told the girls "Exfoliation and refreshing your face are VERY important." DD and her friend are now forever saying "I have to go refresh my face." So I think she's fine there.

[j2415]

Hi, when my son was in elementary, most of the time I volunteer in school and I always attend back to school night, it helped me to know some of the parents, we don’t really talk that much but at least when I see them at the grocery, I know them and smile at them. I tried to get involved in my child’s life through school events because it will provide me with opportunity to make new adult friends as well. I get to know his friends by instead of sending off my son somewhere else to hang out with friends, I encourage him to invite his friends into our home.

Making an effort to get to know my child’s friends’ parents is important to me, it conveys message to my son that his friendship is important and it matters to me. I only allow my son to sleep over if I know his friend and his parents. The Lord is good and He will always protect our children from harm. Let’s trust Him that He will lead our children to right friends who will be good influence to them. My son is now in high school, I guide him in developing friendships that last, this article, http://bit.ly/2mG2NBG, is helping me a lot, and it might help you too. Thank you for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Volunteer in their activities or on field trips, (my high school student still needs parents to drop off water for late band rehearsals, etc, and you can meet people). Show up to sporting events, offer to drive your kids places, host parties so that parents drop off their kids. It's harder as they get older but it's possible!

[Anonymous]

After freshman year it is nearly impossible to "get to know the parents".

Past, "Hi, I just wanted to check if parents will be home"... there is not much else I can find out, ... and for the record, at this age... No, sometimes the parents are not home... they are running out to pick up the younger kids or going to the grocery story or meeting friends for dinner.

At some point you have to educate your kids what is right and wrong for your family and to avoid people that don't have the same values.

Your child will lose more friend than he will gain in HS if they are avoiding drinking and smoking pot.