NYT: Men where have you gone, please come back.

[Anonymous]

My DH thinks he’s providing emotional support, but he’s not. I think this is common. Many men think that listening when you come to them with something and not interrupting and then moving on with your life is 100% of emotional support. I used to try really hard to check in with my DH about his emotional state every now and then about his work, his family, our marriage, sex life, his life goals for the next decade and I got nothing. Guess how often he asked me what I wanted in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our society has changed a lot. Women don't need men to have a fulfilling life. And they tell men every chance they get.

+1. What can a man offers a woman that she cannot have by herself if she is financially successful?

Sex - easy (the younger she goes the easier)
Child- easy (adoption, or sperm donor/
Money, - easy(more women graduating college and quickly climbing corporate ladder)
Emotional support - other women (their friends) better suited for that
Taking care of the home and a man-child - they can easily avoid that by not marrying and they will be much happier
Longevity - I heard never married single women live longer

So what do women need men?

The same goes for men. The reason for marriage is that it is a superior format for raising children.

Most men don't get emotional support from other men, and a lot of men don't do much housechores.

Do they generate messes, dirty dishes, stinky sheets & drawers, eaten magical meals, use utilities, drive a vehicle someone else maintains, wear down house systems and appliances, etc. Etc.?

Do they proactively take care of the above for themselves or others or dependents?

A lot of them don't proactively clean up, no, but they do generate messes.

However, I do think having an s/o is nice for companionship. It's not quite the same as having a same sex friend, and it's not all about sex. OTH, I'd rather be alone that have a man-child. Luckily, I am not married to a man/child. I got married at 33, which is considered old in my culture back in the day (I'm in my 50s), because I didn't want to marry a man/child. I was prepared to stay single if I did not find a good catch. Luckily, I did.

Did you ever have kids with your spouse?
That’s the ultimate test for who can or will grow up or not.

Many makes retreat into themselves instead of rise to the challenge of parenting and being an active home owner or family member.

Most of these males barely have a meaningful conversation with their own children (of any age- adolescent, teen) and brush that off, especially with daughters. They simply don’t want to deal with life, emotions, hardships, support, conversations, coaching or teaching. With their wife or kids.

The days of some BS strong, silent “stoic” type while the wife and grandmothers do everything is what’s busting relationships up. That’s never been sustainable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH thinks he’s providing emotional support, but he’s not. I think this is common. Many men think that listening when you come to them with something and not interrupting and then moving on with your life is 100% of emotional support. I used to try really hard to check in with my DH about his emotional state every now and then about his work, his family, our marriage, sex life, his life goals for the next decade and I got nothing. Guess how often he asked me what I wanted in life?

My 19 yr old DS went through a bad breakup a bit ago. He was angry but didn't talk to anyone about it. He was in a bad mood all the time, and lashed out at his friends.

One of the guys he knew whom no one would ever think would be a shoulder to cry on, reached out to DS about why he was so angry all the time. DS started to share his feelings, and the guy told him that he should open up more to people. DS is like me - very closed off emotionally (and I'm a woman).

Some time later, DS was home for the holidays, and we stayed up until 3am talking about the break up, his feelings, and where he wants to go from here. I was so happy that he opened up to me, and I think it made him feel better to be able to share his feelings.

He's in a great place now. I agree that people (me included) need to open up more, but I think it's harder for guys to do if they don't have either a good female friend (just friends) or a male friend who is good about listening to a guy unloading his emotions on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our society has changed a lot. Women don't need men to have a fulfilling life. And they tell men every chance they get.

+1. What can a man offers a woman that she cannot have by herself if she is financially successful?

Sex - easy (the younger she goes the easier)
Child- easy (adoption, or sperm donor/
Money, - easy(more women graduating college and quickly climbing corporate ladder)
Emotional support - other women (their friends) better suited for that
Taking care of the home and a man-child - they can easily avoid that by not marrying and they will be much happier
Longevity - I heard never married single women live longer

So what do women need men?

The same goes for men. The reason for marriage is that it is a superior format for raising children.

Most men don't get emotional support from other men, and a lot of men don't do much housechores.

Do they generate messes, dirty dishes, stinky sheets & drawers, eaten magical meals, use utilities, drive a vehicle someone else maintains, wear down house systems and appliances, etc. Etc.?

Do they proactively take care of the above for themselves or others or dependents?

A lot of them don't proactively clean up, no, but they do generate messes.

However, I do think having an s/o is nice for companionship. It's not quite the same as having a same sex friend, and it's not all about sex. OTH, I'd rather be alone that have a man-child. Luckily, I am not married to a man/child. I got married at 33, which is considered old in my culture back in the day (I'm in my 50s), because I didn't want to marry a man/child. I was prepared to stay single if I did not find a good catch. Luckily, I did.

Did you ever have kids with your spouse?
That’s the ultimate test for who can or will grow up or not.

Many makes retreat into themselves instead of rise to the challenge of parenting and being an active home owner or family member.

Most of these males barely have a meaningful conversation with their own children (of any age- adolescent, teen) and brush that off, especially with daughters. They simply don’t want to deal with life, emotions, hardships, support, conversations, coaching or teaching. With their wife or kids.

The days of some BS strong, silent “stoic” type while the wife and grandmothers do everything is what’s busting relationships up. That’s never been sustainable.

That’s sad.

My father was always a great listener, shared stories and lessons, and could talk about anything and with empathy and compassion. Always and until he died in his late 80s.
He was a mentor to my adult friends and husband in his last two decades as they needed advice - in taxes, cars, repairs, work issues, life issues.
He was a dad to many by the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/20/style/modern-love-men-where-have-you-gone-please-come-back.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

Wonder what posters here think of this and if things are equal in dc or no?

I would be curious if the author, in addition to her anecdotes, talked to 24, 34 and 44, and 64 year olds.

This yearning for "real men" [to return] has been a trope for generations. Example, in the mid 1990s there was this Grammy-nominated top 10 song "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone" by Paula Cole:

What a throwback. Is this the original trad wife song? “I’ll do the laundry if you pay all the bills” and she calls that “her happy ending” fantasy. I’m surprised this hasn’t yet been a hit country cover song in 2025.

The lyrics in the last verse of this song are not positive. I don't think it's the tradwife anthem it appears upon superficial glance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH thinks he’s providing emotional support, but he’s not. I think this is common. Many men think that listening when you come to them with something and not interrupting and then moving on with your life is 100% of emotional support. I used to try really hard to check in with my DH about his emotional state every now and then about his work, his family, our marriage, sex life, his life goals for the next decade and I got nothing. Guess how often he asked me what I wanted in life?

Does not sound like you are very supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH thinks he’s providing emotional support, but he’s not. I think this is common. Many men think that listening when you come to them with something and not interrupting and then moving on with your life is 100% of emotional support. I used to try really hard to check in with my DH about his emotional state every now and then about his work, his family, our marriage, sex life, his life goals for the next decade and I got nothing. Guess how often he asked me what I wanted in life?

Does not sound like you are very supportive.

It’s the typical DCUMad mantra: man bad, woman good.

[Anonymous]

Young single men are trying to lock down nice young tradwives these days. No one is interested in run through heaux.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH thinks he’s providing emotional support, but he’s not. I think this is common. Many men think that listening when you come to them with something and not interrupting and then moving on with your life is 100% of emotional support. I used to try really hard to check in with my DH about his emotional state every now and then about his work, his family, our marriage, sex life, his life goals for the next decade and I got nothing. Guess how often he asked me what I wanted in life?

Well yes, when neither partner is meeting the other where they are, it’s not great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young single men are trying to lock down nice young tradwives these days. No one is interested in run through heaux.

No they aren’t…but maybe if you just consume Fox News all day that’s what you believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH thinks he’s providing emotional support, but he’s not. I think this is common. Many men think that listening when you come to them with something and not interrupting and then moving on with your life is 100% of emotional support. I used to try really hard to check in with my DH about his emotional state every now and then about his work, his family, our marriage, sex life, his life goals for the next decade and I got nothing. Guess how often he asked me what I wanted in life?

My 19 yr old DS went through a bad breakup a bit ago. He was angry but didn't talk to anyone about it. He was in a bad mood all the time, and lashed out at his friends.

One of the guys he knew whom no one would ever think would be a shoulder to cry on, reached out to DS about why he was so angry all the time. DS started to share his feelings, and the guy told him that he should open up more to people. DS is like me - very closed off emotionally (and I'm a woman).

Some time later, DS was home for the holidays, and we stayed up until 3am talking about the break up, his feelings, and where he wants to go from here. I was so happy that he opened up to me, and I think it made him feel better to be able to share his feelings.

He's in a great place now. I agree that people (me included) need to open up more, but I think it's harder for guys to do if they don't have either a good female friend (just friends) or a male friend who is good about listening to a guy unloading his emotions on him.

My female therapist told me that most women don't know how to support a man emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our society has changed a lot. Women don't need men to have a fulfilling life. And they tell men every chance they get.

+1. What can a man offers a woman that she cannot have by herself if she is financially successful?

Sex - easy (the younger she goes the easier)
Child- easy (adoption, or sperm donor/
Money, - easy(more women graduating college and quickly climbing corporate ladder)
Emotional support - other women (their friends) better suited for that
Taking care of the home and a man-child - they can easily avoid that by not marrying and they will be much happier
Longevity - I heard never married single women live longer

So what do women need men?

OK, I’ll bite, since my woman seems to like having me around.

Sex - I am younger than she is, plus she gets the full lovers-in-love experience vs. using a boy toy.
Child - We have plenty of grown ones between us.
Money - Her money plus my money = 2X the money.
Emotional support - my emotional support plus her women friends’ = 2X the emotional support.
Taking care of the home and a man-child - She hates to cook and shop and has a job, while I love to do both (and am retired), plus vacuuming, handyman fixing, car maintenance, running errands.
Longevity - We’re not married, but even if we were it’s hard to imagine a reduction in her lifetime caused by all of the above.

What say you?

You are a simp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH thinks he’s providing emotional support, but he’s not. I think this is common. Many men think that listening when you come to them with something and not interrupting and then moving on with your life is 100% of emotional support. I used to try really hard to check in with my DH about his emotional state every now and then about his work, his family, our marriage, sex life, his life goals for the next decade and I got nothing. Guess how often he asked me what I wanted in life?

My 19 yr old DS went through a bad breakup a bit ago. He was angry but didn't talk to anyone about it. He was in a bad mood all the time, and lashed out at his friends.

One of the guys he knew whom no one would ever think would be a shoulder to cry on, reached out to DS about why he was so angry all the time. DS started to share his feelings, and the guy told him that he should open up more to people. DS is like me - very closed off emotionally (and I'm a woman).

Some time later, DS was home for the holidays, and we stayed up until 3am talking about the break up, his feelings, and where he wants to go from here. I was so happy that he opened up to me, and I think it made him feel better to be able to share his feelings.

He's in a great place now. I agree that people (me included) need to open up more, but I think it's harder for guys to do if they don't have either a good female friend (just friends) or a male friend who is good about listening to a guy unloading his emotions on him.

My female therapist told me that most women don't know how to support a man emotionally.

I know how.

Did she tell you how? Tell us.

And vice versa, how men support women emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our society has changed a lot. Women don't need men to have a fulfilling life. And they tell men every chance they get.

+1. What can a man offers a woman that she cannot have by herself if she is financially successful?

Sex - easy (the younger she goes the easier)
Child- easy (adoption, or sperm donor/
Money, - easy(more women graduating college and quickly climbing corporate ladder)
Emotional support - other women (their friends) better suited for that
Taking care of the home and a man-child - they can easily avoid that by not marrying and they will be much happier
Longevity - I heard never married single women live longer

So what do women need men?

OK, I’ll bite, since my woman seems to like having me around.

Sex - I am younger than she is, plus she gets the full lovers-in-love experience vs. using a boy toy.
Child - We have plenty of grown ones between us.
Money - Her money plus my money = 2X the money.
Emotional support - my emotional support plus her women friends’ = 2X the emotional support.
Taking care of the home and a man-child - She hates to cook and shop and has a job, while I love to do both (and am retired), plus vacuuming, handyman fixing, car maintenance, running errands.
Longevity - We’re not married, but even if we were it’s hard to imagine a reduction in her lifetime caused by all of the above.

What say you?

You are a simp!

Don’t be infantile…these are my hobbies and my love language. What are yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young single men are trying to lock down nice young tradwives these days. No one is interested in run through heaux.

Because they want to cheat on them with the wife having no way out.