I Don’t Like My Ring

[Anonymous]

I returned my engagement ring because the diamond industry has horrible human rights issues. That marriage didn't last long.

My second husband give me his grandmother's ring. It is recycled and I will pass it to our child.

If you actually feel this way, GET out. This is a warning sign that he isn't the right person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP My cousin married a woman who thought the same - she sent him back to the store to get a "bigger rock" and he did. They have been married for years now and have teens. And all this time, nothing has been good enough or expensive enough or the house has not been as big as the other folks he works with. And my cousin is a doctor in a hospital.

Do the guy a favor, don't marry him.

I have a male friend in a similar boat. It all started with the 3 “alterations” she made to the ring he picked out.

But she’s not demanding a bigger diamond. She just wants something plainer, more her style. Not the same at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I returned my engagement ring because the diamond industry has horrible human rights issues. That marriage didn't last long.

My second husband give me his grandmother's ring. It is recycled and I will pass it to our child.

If you actually feel this way, GET out. This is a warning sign that he isn't the right person.

This is not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell us more about the ring and then we can tell you what to do.

OP here. The ring is beautiful but it’s just not my style. It’s a round stone, not sure on carat size but maybe 1-1.5, with a I think a pave band setting. The diamond itself is beautiful big I hate the band. I would have much rather preferred a solitary band. I’m not into that much jewelry or anything flashy.

I would just say that the pave band is beautiful but gets lotion and food stuck in it and does he mind if you switch for a knife edge band.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I returned my engagement ring because the diamond industry has horrible human rights issues. That marriage didn't last long.

My second husband give me his grandmother's ring. It is recycled and I will pass it to our child.

If you actually feel this way, GET out. This is a warning sign that he isn't the right person.

What? No. Sorry you didn’t pick the right guy. That has nothing to do with the ring.

[Anonymous]

What is this 1950? Do you even need a ring just get married FFS.

[Anonymous]

Husband and I had our rings made by a very skilled artist we met at an artisan fair. About $300 each.

Gratefully married to the best guy in the world for 16 years. We are 46 and 47. Rings are in great shape (regular cleanings).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how many people are telling you to say nothing! I’m sure you can come up with a kind way to express yourself here.

For me the sensitivity is around the fact that it is an expensive gift that may or may not be free to fix/change and took time and effort to pick out. If someone gifted me with an orange Lamborghini and orange is my least favorite color, I have a decision to make. Is it so bad that I’ll never drive it so it would be better to be honest about it now versus the person noticing I never use it. Or do I think it might grow on me, or can wait it out a few years to get exactly what I want. There are many ways to express dissatisfaction with a gift that can sound ungrateful and set a pattern where the person doesn’t want to surprise you with a gift/get it all wrong.

To OP, I think because it’s the band specifically, not the whole ring, there is a way to be gracious and compliment the main setting. Something along the lines of it being a beautiful setting and wanting the focus on the main setting by having everything else plain. But before you go down that route, make sure you like plain wedding bands as well with a solitaire engagement ring so you are staying consistent with what you tell him.

[Anonymous]

I think you can say something if the ring is too flashy and you want something more simple. In this case, I would suggest that you separate the solitaire from the band. Make the band into your wedding ring, and put the solitaire on a plain band. If you don't feel like you can say something to him, that speaks to a bigger problem in your relationship, IMO.

[Anonymous]

What is it about your ring that you do not like?

Is it uncomfortable to wear?
Does it look tacky, garish or just cheap??

I would go along & act like you like it.
Maybe later down the line you can say something.

I wouldn’t say anything now about it because I think if you do, you would be hurting his feelings as well as deflating his ego.

———————
In the meantime, wear it w/pride knowing that your ring may not be beautiful however the love the person who purchased it for you is as well as the love you share w/him.

[Anonymous]

OMG -- say something! Very kindly explain that you love the diamond but that you prefer a simpler style of jewelry and would like to change out the band. If your fiance's delicate ego can't handle this, you need to reconsider spending your life with this person. Why is everyone treating this man like he is some delicate flower?