"Professional" nanny vs. one who helps with housework

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 2.5 year old won't nap for much longer. So, you are going to be paying someone to basically ignore your kid so they can do chores.

OP here and as I’ve said multiple times, the chores would be for when DD is in preschool, or in class with us. Not when she’s at home.

AND the point made to you multiple times is that you will not find an educated nanny who will do household chores. Why would they when they can easily find a position without them? Your former preschool teacher nanny types don’t want to be sitting around all day and don’t do your DH’s laundry.

But try your way - let us know how it works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 2.5 year old won't nap for much longer. So, you are going to be paying someone to basically ignore your kid so they can do chores.

OP here and as I’ve said multiple times, the chores would be for when DD is in preschool, or in class with us. Not when she’s at home.

AND the point made to you multiple times is that you will not find an educated nanny who will do household chores. Why would they when they can easily find a position without them? Your former preschool teacher nanny types don’t want to be sitting around all day and don’t do your DH’s laundry.

But try your way - let us know how it works out.

So you will change your charge’s diaper, clean up his vomit, etc, but you draw the line at laundry?

Did your schooling uniquely qualify you for diaper duty?

There are clearly aspects of the job that do not fit the traditional description of “professional.” It seems pretty convenient that you draw the line, based on your education, at light housework in light of other duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 2.5 year old won't nap for much longer. So, you are going to be paying someone to basically ignore your kid so they can do chores.

OP here and as I’ve said multiple times, the chores would be for when DD is in preschool, or in class with us. Not when she’s at home.

Housekeepers do chores. Nannies take care of kids and do things directly related to their care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 2.5 year old won't nap for much longer. So, you are going to be paying someone to basically ignore your kid so they can do chores.

OP here and as I’ve said multiple times, the chores would be for when DD is in preschool, or in class with us. Not when she’s at home.

AND the point made to you multiple times is that you will not find an educated nanny who will do household chores. Why would they when they can easily find a position without them? Your former preschool teacher nanny types don’t want to be sitting around all day and don’t do your DH’s laundry.

But try your way - let us know how it works out.

So you will change your charge’s diaper, clean up his vomit, etc, but you draw the line at laundry?

Did your schooling uniquely qualify you for diaper duty?

There are clearly aspects of the job that do not fit the traditional description of “professional.” It seems pretty convenient that you draw the line, based on your education, at light housework in light of other duties.

There is so much more to bring a nanny than diaper changes. (However, just today I was talking about how to do diaper changes on a 14 month old that prepares him for toilet training). And yes, I draw the line at anything that isn’t directly related to the child. I do anything and everything for the child in my care which includes his/her laundry, cooking, ordering, keeping track of class and teacher payments, his grocery shopping, organizing his closet, etc. It is a very clear line, PP, and very obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 2.5 year old won't nap for much longer. So, you are going to be paying someone to basically ignore your kid so they can do chores.

OP here and as I’ve said multiple times, the chores would be for when DD is in preschool, or in class with us. Not when she’s at home.

Housekeepers do chores. Nannies take care of kids and do things directly related to their care.

Which means that you do many chores related to the kid. A chore is a chore, whether it is for the kid or the parents.

[Anonymous]

OP, this all comes down to being up front and having ongoing conversations about expectations...and finding the right person. My kids are 3.5 and almost 6, and we've had the same FT nanny since I went back to work with my oldest. She's US-born and educated, so English etc is not an issue. She's smart, with some college, but she does not have an MA or anything.

We were up front about needing help around the house in addition to childcare, but childcare always came first. She did meal prep from early on, but this rule meant that sometimes veggies weren't chopped when I came home from work and dinner took longer. My DC1 is in full day school, and DC2 is in half-day. Nanny does drop-off and pick-ups, and a lot more housework/errands than before. But there is still tons of time for crafts, outings, and overseeing older DC's HW (because it starts ridiculously young). I don't see errands/chores as undermining child development, because I know I helped my mom with them and my kids help me and nanny. It's actually really good for development to have kids try to pick matching socks out of laundry, for example. And my kids *love* helping put groceries away.

This has worked really well for us. My kids are young, but so far the feedback from their schools is that their academic skills are advanced. And their nanny has reinforced our home rules and good behavior (which I think is actually one of the more important things a nanny can do). In exchange, we pay well and offer regular raises and bonuses. We are also pretty flexible, which is important to her since she's a parent as well.

In the end, many approaches can work. But, for me, I wanted to prioritize using the time I have with my kids to read to them, answer their "why" questions, and play with them. This meant finding a loving nanny who is not above doing dishes, folding laundry, and prepping meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
There is so much more to bring a nanny than diaper changes. (However, just today I was talking about how to do diaper changes on a 14 month old that prepares him for toilet training). And yes, I draw the line at anything that isn’t directly related to the child. I do anything and everything for the child in my care which includes his/her laundry, cooking, ordering, keeping track of class and teacher payments, his grocery shopping, organizing his closet, etc. It is a very clear line, PP, and very obvious.

Out of curiosity, how does this work once the kid is fully on solids and eating the same meals as his/her parents (which any well-educated nanny should know is the best way to establish healthy eating patterns)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 2.5 year old won't nap for much longer. So, you are going to be paying someone to basically ignore your kid so they can do chores.

OP here and as I’ve said multiple times, the chores would be for when DD is in preschool, or in class with us. Not when she’s at home.

AND the point made to you multiple times is that you will not find an educated nanny who will do household chores. Why would they when they can easily find a position without them? Your former preschool teacher nanny types don’t want to be sitting around all day and don’t do your DH’s laundry.

But try your way - let us know how it works out.

So you will change your charge’s diaper, clean up his vomit, etc, but you draw the line at laundry?

Did your schooling uniquely qualify you for diaper duty?

There are clearly aspects of the job that do not fit the traditional description of “professional.” It seems pretty convenient that you draw the line, based on your education, at light housework in light of other duties.

There is so much more to bring a nanny than diaper changes. (However, just today I was talking about how to do diaper changes on a 14 month old that prepares him for toilet training). And yes, I draw the line at anything that isn’t directly related to the child. I do anything and everything for the child in my care which includes his/her laundry, cooking, ordering, keeping track of class and teacher payments, his grocery shopping, organizing his closet, etc. It is a very clear line, PP, and very obvious.

That’s great. And also I don’t care. I don’t want a nanny like you. I want a domestic worker who will actually do the job I need done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 2.5 year old won't nap for much longer. So, you are going to be paying someone to basically ignore your kid so they can do chores.

OP here and as I’ve said multiple times, the chores would be for when DD is in preschool, or in class with us. Not when she’s at home.

Housekeepers do chores. Nannies take care of kids and do things directly related to their care.

Which means that you do many chores related to the kid. A chore is a chore, whether it is for the kid or the parents.

Again, a nanny does anything and everything for the child. If you can’t understand how that doesn’t include washing your panties or making your bed, I can’t help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 2.5 year old won't nap for much longer. So, you are going to be paying someone to basically ignore your kid so they can do chores.

OP here and as I’ve said multiple times, the chores would be for when DD is in preschool, or in class with us. Not when she’s at home.

AND the point made to you multiple times is that you will not find an educated nanny who will do household chores. Why would they when they can easily find a position without them? Your former preschool teacher nanny types don’t want to be sitting around all day and don’t do your DH’s laundry.

But try your way - let us know how it works out.

So you will change your charge’s diaper, clean up his vomit, etc, but you draw the line at laundry?

Did your schooling uniquely qualify you for diaper duty?

There are clearly aspects of the job that do not fit the traditional description of “professional.” It seems pretty convenient that you draw the line, based on your education, at light housework in light of other duties.

There is so much more to bring a nanny than diaper changes. (However, just today I was talking about how to do diaper changes on a 14 month old that prepares him for toilet training). And yes, I draw the line at anything that isn’t directly related to the child. I do anything and everything for the child in my care which includes his/her laundry, cooking, ordering, keeping track of class and teacher payments, his grocery shopping, organizing his closet, etc. It is a very clear line, PP, and very obvious.

That’s great. And also I don’t care. I don’t want a nanny like you. I want a domestic worker who will actually do the job I need done.

And that is fine, PP. Please calm down. I am sure you’ll find who you are looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 2.5 year old won't nap for much longer. So, you are going to be paying someone to basically ignore your kid so they can do chores.

OP here and as I’ve said multiple times, the chores would be for when DD is in preschool, or in class with us. Not when she’s at home.

Housekeepers do chores. Nannies take care of kids and do things directly related to their care.

Which means that you do many chores related to the kid. A chore is a chore, whether it is for the kid or the parents.

Again, a nanny does anything and everything for the child. If you can’t understand how that doesn’t include washing your panties or making your bed, I can’t help you.

Oh, I understand. Your draw a bright line rule between work for the kid and work for the family. While I "understand," I also find your bright line pretty silly.

You are more than happy to do cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc if it is directly related to the child. But you would refuse to do each of these exact same tasks if it is for the family as a whole.

Whether you are folding a baby's onesie or a parents underwear, you are still folding laundry. Whether you are shopping/cooking a meal for the kid or the whole family, you are still cooking. (A different PP raised an interesting question of how you distinguish between the two as the kid gets older.)

Your objections to these (arguably) menial tasks are that you are professional with specialized training and you shouldn't do that sort of work. But, there is no specialized training to clean/fold a onesie or prepare a meal for a kid.

If you really believed that your education and experience meant that you should not do these tasks, then you should similarly refuse to do them for the kid. A family that wanted an educated, professional nanny would be able to have that person take care of the child and provide the enrichment that only such an individual could provide and they would make other arrangements for menial tasks related to the child. (A math tutor, for example, isn't doing laundry or cooking even if it directly relates to the child.) If a parent wasn't willing or able to do that, they could find a nanny willing to do basic chores related to the child. That's no different than some families who would not hire a nanny not willing to do family chores, even if not directly tied to the kid.

Different families would want and could afford different services and someone with your impeccable credentials and training should be willing to hold out for a family that would limit your responsibilities to those that could benefit from your experience and not demean you with childcare tasks unbefitting your station.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this all comes down to being up front and having ongoing conversations about expectations...and finding the right person. My kids are 3.5 and almost 6, and we've had the same FT nanny since I went back to work with my oldest. She's US-born and educated, so English etc is not an issue. She's smart, with some college, but she does not have an MA or anything.

We were up front about needing help around the house in addition to childcare, but childcare always came first. She did meal prep from early on, but this rule meant that sometimes veggies weren't chopped when I came home from work and dinner took longer. My DC1 is in full day school, and DC2 is in half-day. Nanny does drop-off and pick-ups, and a lot more housework/errands than before. But there is still tons of time for crafts, outings, and overseeing older DC's HW (because it starts ridiculously young). I don't see errands/chores as undermining child development, because I know I helped my mom with them and my kids help me and nanny. It's actually really good for development to have kids try to pick matching socks out of laundry, for example. And my kids *love* helping put groceries away.

This has worked really well for us. My kids are young, but so far the feedback from their schools is that their academic skills are advanced. And their nanny has reinforced our home rules and good behavior (which I think is actually one of the more important things a nanny can do). In exchange, we pay well and offer regular raises and bonuses. We are also pretty flexible, which is important to her since she's a parent as well.

In the end, many approaches can work. But, for me, I wanted to prioritize using the time I have with my kids to read to them, answer their "why" questions, and play with them. This meant finding a loving nanny who is not above doing dishes, folding laundry, and prepping meals.

OP here, and this statement exactly describes me. DH and I have pretty intense (but flexible) jobs and make the effort to switch off when we are at home - we’d prefer to focus on DC only rather than have to also deal with laundry dishes blah blah blah. I do agree that I won’t get the highest echelon of educated nannies by having these requirements, but not sure that level of education is required to be a good nanny.

[Anonymous]

^^ Anyway, glad to hear there are others like me (and good nannies that help out in the home). Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
There is so much more to bring a nanny than diaper changes. (However, just today I was talking about how to do diaper changes on a 14 month old that prepares him for toilet training). And yes, I draw the line at anything that isn’t directly related to the child. I do anything and everything for the child in my care which includes his/her laundry, cooking, ordering, keeping track of class and teacher payments, his grocery shopping, organizing his closet, etc. It is a very clear line, PP, and very obvious.

Out of curiosity, how does this work once the kid is fully on solids and eating the same meals as his/her parents (which any well-educated nanny should know is the best way to establish healthy eating patterns)?

This is a really good point (OP). DD eats what we eat. Usually her lunch = warmed up leftovers from what we cooked the night before. But I would love if we could reverse that a couple times a week, i.e., nanny makes her lunch while she’s in preschool, but extra portions so that DH and I eat it for dinner too and get a break from cooking ? None of us are picky eaters and would be fine with simple food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
There is so much more to bring a nanny than diaper changes. (However, just today I was talking about how to do diaper changes on a 14 month old that prepares him for toilet training). And yes, I draw the line at anything that isn’t directly related to the child. I do anything and everything for the child in my care which includes his/her laundry, cooking, ordering, keeping track of class and teacher payments, his grocery shopping, organizing his closet, etc. It is a very clear line, PP, and very obvious.

Out of curiosity, how does this work once the kid is fully on solids and eating the same meals as his/her parents (which any well-educated nanny should know is the best way to establish healthy eating patterns)?

This is a really good point (OP). DD eats what we eat. Usually her lunch = warmed up leftovers from what we cooked the night before. But I would love if we could reverse that a couple times a week, i.e., nanny makes her lunch while she’s in preschool, but extra portions so that DH and I eat it for dinner too and get a break from cooking ? None of us are picky eaters and would be fine with simple food

I’m an educator-nanny type and I stop cooking for my charges when they only eat what their parents eat. For groceries, there will always be things (like milk) that the parents don’t need.

I’ve been a nanny for twenty years and the distinction between duties is pretty clear and far less confusing than you’re assuming it to be. Trying to belittle the PP is beneath us all. If you want a housekeeper-nanny type, you will have absolutely no problem finding one.