Do you think early twenties pregnancy is the new teen pregnancy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been a bad life choice for decades. I know plenty of women who had kids in their 20's that had deep regrets in their 40's and 50's. No news here.

I am 43. I have no regrets. I was done by BSN by 22. Working, married at 23. Kids at 24 and 26. They are 19 and 17 now.
LOVE IT. My body bounced back. I'm an empty nester at such a young age. Younger son attended college a year early!

My friend has a two year old and is my age. I would NEVER want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is about to graduate from college and she was talking about some of the girls on her campus who are already engaged. In some ways, she described it as a cop-out. Getting married and having kids is easier than having to go through all that shit: THe crappy room in the row house on capitol hill, the crappy first apartment; the first job; the job hunt. The ones who are getting married seem to be preoccupied with home furnishings and pinterest pages while everyone else is thinking about things like resumes and budgets.

I lived in a crappy apartment with my fiance during and after college. Did I do it right according to your daughter?

Living in sin. I wouldn't do that.

[Anonymous]

I became a mom at 38. Would have loved earlier but was really sick in my late 20s and 30s. Now the advantage is that you gone through enough life to not sweat the small stuff

[Anonymous]

From an economic and fertility standpoint, it makes sense to have a couple kids back to back immediately following college/grad school, hit pause on your career for a couple years, and then quickly go back to work. There are studies that support this. Essentially, it's far riskier to take a break from your career once you are older. Nobody wants to hire a 40 something mom with a gap on her resume.

In hindsight, I wish we started having kids earlier. I envy my friends who will have empty nests before I will. They're also more likely to be around for a long time once grandchildren come along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been a bad life choice for decades. I know plenty of women who had kids in their 20's that had deep regrets in their 40's and 50's. No news here.

How can it be a bad life choice to have children when you're biologically at your peak AND you make enough money to easily support them?>

OP said she was making 200k at 26, which is a great income for mid twenty somethings. One can only assume their income rose from there...

It's not just about lack of money. Your 20's are the time you should be having freedom and fun, start a career and find who you are...and mostly growing up into a real adult. It's hard to do any of these things with a baby.

Meh. I was never the partying type. I hate drinking. I did it some in college but had no desire to do much of it after college. The one thing I wish I could have done more of at that age was travel but I didn’t have the time to do it then anyway due to job constraints (I was a teacher who also worked summers).

I had my kids on the younger side too (25, 27, 29, and 31). I’m now 38, my husband makes high seven figures, I sah, and we travel internationally three or four times a year. I love traveling with our kids. They’re my favorite people and I wouldn’t want them to miss out on these experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Society has convinced many ambitious women that having a baby before you’re established is a career killer. I see this as a policy issue. Why don’t we have support to enable more women to work and have kids when they are most fertile? (Think: affordable daycare)

The same reason why we don’t have policies that would help poor elderly people age in their own homes with dignity or assist women who want to avoid abortions simply for financial reasons. No one in Congress is willing to appropriately tax the ultra rich. It’s easier to have the rest of society —esp. women— bear the costs

[Anonymous]

When a woman has a baby is her own damn business!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been a bad life choice for decades. I know plenty of women who had kids in their 20's that had deep regrets in their 40's and 50's. No news here.

Do you know why they feel this way? I had my first at 26, here in DC, and I am really happy both with my family and career. I know others who feel this way too.

Many regrets like,

Married too young to pick the right guy.
Didn't get to have career and independence.
Didn't finish their education
Had more kids than they could afford.
Financial stress
Made immature parenting choices, kids have problems caused by parenting.
Some of their teenagers got pregnant young and are living with them.

This sounds like a list of normal regrets. I'm sure that some people feel this way. Just like I'm sure that some people:

Struggle with infertility
Struggled to find a partner because it was late (and people were more set in thier ways)
Didn't have the energy for a 2nd or 3rd kid that they wanted
Struggled to pay for college and make transition to retirement at the same time.
Wished that their children knew thier grandparents better (If your parents are 70 when the kids are born, it's unlikely they will be particularly active when the kid is 12).
Harder recovery

Everyone is different. And with a few exceptions that are always bad (sucide, using meth, etc.), most choices are going to have a pro/con list that makes either choice defensible depending on your priorities.

[Anonymous]

I would only think it's young because I certainly didn't have my married life self figured out in my early 20s. I'm really grateful to not be tied for life through kids to any of the men I was dating in or just out of college and I only had a few med-to-long term relationships. If I could have been already settled in with my husband, and the life we have now, back then...maybe?

I married at 28 and had my first baby at 29 (a couple months shy of turning 30). I had my second baby at 37. There are pluses and minuses to all choices. All things being equal, I wish my DH was ready for a second child sooner than the 7 year gap we have, because ultimately I want to be alive and healthy in my children's lives for as long as possible. I try not to think about the years I'll miss and hope to live a long healthy life. My grandmothers are both in their 90s, so I figure I've got a good shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For sure. I also believe that with parental help you cannot have children in your 20s. We were making 150k by the time we reached 30 and that was enough that we could start TTC. We just could not afford a 20k a year daycare before then (It's now 38k with 2 in daycare). We also didn't have the time for the constant responsibility of parenting in our 20s. American extended families don't help at all and it's all on the parents, so this isn't something most 20 year olds can do.

Wow. I'll make sure to tell my college roommate that. She had twins in her mid-20's and then another boy a year or so later. Her husband was at the end of med school/beginning of his residency during all of that. They are still married and the kids are all in college - the oldest two are seniors. She is 48 and never lived in the same city as her mom or her in-laws the entire time she's been married.

[Anonymous]

DH and I started dating at 20, married at 25. We had great jobs and were completely stable and would have been great parents in our 20s. But we couldn't afford unpaid maternity leave plus daycare. So we saved for 7 years and had a baby at 32.

If we had either maternity leave or cheaper daycare, we could have afforded kids earlier. I've noticed that people who are NEVER going to be able to afford daycare or maternity leave just have kids whenever they want and suffer the consequences.

[Anonymous]

No- I don't prescribe a number to it. To be honest, I might think more that way if someone was 25 and couldn't financially afford it yet -compared to a 25 year old couple who were done with their educations and financially stable. So- more situational and how the couple conducts themselves versus a particular age.

I was 31 when I had my first and I did feel like that was "young" for around here! Kind of funny.