Drowning as a working mom--help!
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Anonymous
You don't need a 500k salary to live well around here, despite what some want you to believe. An internist 3 days a week can bring home enough to have a great life, especially if there is a spouse in the picture. |
Anonymous
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OP, I encourage you to reduce screen time for the kids and, instead, get them involved in your evening routine. There is no reason at those ages that they should be watching TV or playing video games instead of turning off the screens and helping you.
The fifth grader can help prepare dinner. The second grader can set the table and sort laundry. Do they get to go outside and play at any point? If they can play outside when they get home for 30 minutes, or read, then you can help them with homework and start dinner. Experiment with a schedule. As for DH, I hear you saying that he handles the mornings. So he is contributing, but he does not get to veto additional housecleaning help unless he is willing to take more of that load upon himself. Again, this is an area where you can involve the kids. But with two parents who work full-time outside the home, you should have more household help if you can swing it financially. If you work in healthcare, is there a chance you could go part time for a few years? Frankly, it only gets more complicated as kids get older, so whatever you do I would get a handle on that screen time while you can still break the habit. Train your kids to be involved now, or you will never win that battle. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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Your kids are watching way too much tv!
They should be reading, doing hw, playing, or get them to help with chores! |
Anonymous
PP here. 55 hours a week is a lot. I should know, I do it. I am not blind to the fact that lots of others around here do it, too. (I am in biglaw, after all.) My point was not that it is an absurd amount of hours (although, I think you could argue that it is, even though a lot of us do it). My point was that that is a lot of hours to work while also trying to run 50% of a household with two small kids and minimal help. It is one thing to be a working parent running 50% of a household when you work a 9-5. That is hard, but doable. It is a whole different animal when you work 55 hours/week. I work 55 hours/week and have two small kids, but there is no way I could do that if I was also doing what the OP is trying to do--run 50% of a household with minimal help. None of my colleagues do it--they all have spouses who work part time or lots of help. As I noted in my post, my DH works part time, meaning he does all pickups, grocery shopping, meal prep, yard work, etc. Also, we have house cleaners every two weeks and my kids are in aftercare. Even with all of that, I still would not work as much as I do, except that I make a lot of money. If I were paid less or if my husband also worked full time and could not do more than 50% of the household stuff, the only solution for me would be to work less. Otherwise, I would have a breakdown. |
Anonymous
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OP
We need to know what your budget for help is like. Do you make a lot? Other 500k? I know it varies for doctors. But if we assume you have excess funds for hiring help, I’d have cleaners come weekly. Hire someone who comes in afternoons like an assistant. This person will take your kids to and from activities, run errands (like grocery shop), do laundry, and make lunches. You go into your office one half weekend day. Get your husband to make dinner. |
Anonymous
Working 40 hrs a week is not lazy, it’s prioritizing family time over work, which is the way it should be with kids. DH and I used to work long hours before kids. Now it’s strictly 40/week for both of us. No we are not pulling in 500k, but we wouldn’t be no matter how much we worked. |
Anonymous
Again, I think hiring someone to come in is more trouble than its worth compared to aftercare. If you look at the childcare boards, one clear thing is that part-time help around here is hard to find and unreliable at best. |
Anonymous
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Aftercare daily
Meal delivery Cleaning service Gardener/lawn |
Anonymous
Depends on what you pay. Good pay (at least 20/hr) plus reliable hours means you’d probably find someone. |
Anonymous
| You have a husband problem, OP. Seems like you're shouldering a pretty huge load and he is coasting. If your husband doesn't want cleaners to come more often, he should be doing those in-between cleans. He should be making lunches at least some of the time. Why isn't he? |
Anonymous
They’re vegetarians and schools don’t usually have great veg options. I wouldn’t want my kid eating a bagel every day either. |
Anonymous
No I actually think 55 is great! My DH is in finance and recently moved into a 55 hr gig which feels like a dream compared to his previous Wall St hours. Professional jobs with high pay are very rarely 9-5 |
Anonymous
I agree with this. In an ideal world, OP could get into the school's aftercare program and then be able to finish her work and still get home to start dinner around 4:30. Trying to cram as much work into the day as possible and then still having to work another 1.5 hours after getting home is an awful system. There might be barriers to aftercare -- the wait list is long at my DCs' school -- so an alternate option would be to have your DCs up their game. 5th graders and 2nd graders don't need screens as babysitters like a toddler does to make sure you aren't interrupted. They should be playing after having been in school all day. They can go outside by themselves, play independently, get their homework done, they can contribute to the household by folding laundry or cleaning up a room. They can definitely be making their own lunches. I have been very upfront with my DCs about how it makes me feel if I'm killing myself to keep the household running and they're just watching me do it. It's their house/family too; they are expected to contribute. I don't know what to say about your DH. His position on outsourcing is silly since he's basically outsourcing it to you for free. He's not doing it himself. Also, my happiness level if much higher if I'm not making dinner. If you remove that from the equation you also save yourself the post-dinner cleanup. |
Anonymous
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How do you do activities and aftercare?
My DS plays tennis twice a week at 4 (plus 2x on the weekends). I actually have to puck him up from school to get him there in time, the bus would make us too late. |
Anonymous
| We have a lawn service too PP. maybe if you get that your husband can help with some food prep / freezer meals on the weekend. |