No kids weddings rant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is pretty weird, too, but people can do what they want. Don’t feel bad RSVPing no. They invite. You get to choose if you attend.

I agree with this. They certainly have a right to do and I have a right to say no with no judgement.

I see both sides.

I had a good girlfriend who came to my small destination wedding when she was single. Fast forward several years and she is now getting married OUT OF STATE which would require me to be gone probably 2 nights due to it's location, and expects me come - but no kids are invited. Um, I have 2 small children so I tell her regretfully I can't make it. She is upset. Say what???? She says "can't someone just watch your kids?" I was flabbergasted. Uh, no. We have no family in the area, they are LITTLE, like both under 3, and my husbands job is such that he works hours that make it impossible to care for 2 little kids, one of whom isn't even in daycare. The cluelessness and utter obtuseness were astounding. I sent a nice gift and didn't lose a moment of sleep over it.

Are you serious? You had a destination wedding and have the gall to complain that she got married “OUT OF STATE”? I hope she dropped you as a friend because this is such an incredibly entitled way of thinking and I can’t bekieve you’re painting her as the obtuse party. You are saying that because you had kids first, your time and presence is more sacred than hers. Ugh. I can’t stand people like you.

This. I am a parent of a toddler and I don't get why becoming a parent makes some people so incredibly entitled. Get over yourself pp. And you too OP.

I think PP is just saying that her friend shouldn't be surprised or upset that she can't come.

Her friend should be! She made a major sacrifice to travel to PP’s destination wedding, and PP wouldn’t even try to make a similar sacrifice. Definition of selfish and entitled.

It’s just not the same. Once you have kids — esp if you’re not quite well off — sometimes the logistics don’t work anymore. We took a lot of crap from my family about not going to my grandma’s funeral, which was unexpected and one week after my c-section. We had 2 other under 4 year olds and I was BFing. My DH had work, I couldn’t drive and my baby was only 7 days old anyway. The funeral was 8ish hours drive or 2 hour plane ride + 1 hour drive away. It was just impossible and we took so much shit for it. It’s not like I didn’t want to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The irony is that the no kids wedding couple will eventually become parents bitching about no kids weddings.

We had kids at our evening wedding in a high end city hotel. It was a bit of a destination wedding in that most people stayed overnight at the hotel in the city. Big time party with kids dancing until nearly midnight. It was 20 years ago, and people still talk about it.

But here’s the crux... the fact that it was a big destination wedding requiring travel and overnight stays inconvenienced some of your guests. I trust some came, and some didn’t for that reason. Simply, some people wouldn’t have been able to accommodate the logistics or finances. That’s life.

A no kids wedding is the same. Some people with children will make arrangements to attend, some won’t. The ones that do attend will still talk about it. The ones who didn’t will still gossip about it.

Either way, the show really will go on, and it’s nothing to be cranky about.

My family lived in state A, and DH's family lived in state B (a 4 hour drive away or a short flight or train). The wedding was held in a city in state A. While lots of guests could have driven home late that night, most opted to party hard and crash. We hosted a brunch the next morning for those who stayed over.

We didn't want our friends and family to decline because they didn't have anyone to leave their kids with, so we invited them. Most opted to bring their kids.

It's rare that anyone holds a wedding in the same state as 100% of the guests.

Didn't the op say one of the weddings is her SIL? Pretty crappy not to make an exception for your brother's kids. I mean, they are family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people will agree with you, but a lot of people here won’t. When I was a kid, kids were invited to all the weddings my family was invited to. I’m not sure when this changed.

Weddings are in large part a celebration of the idea of family. Circle of life and all that conveys.

When weddings are in the local fire hall with the community coming together to prepare the food and make traditional cookies, then the kids are invited. When the wedding is $100/plate at a fancy venue, they aren't invited.

Even the fanciest places do a children's plate for $20ish. NBD.

These are things you negotiate with the hotel/caterer.

NP I had a black tie wedding. Didn’t know any kids other than my ringbearer who was invited of course. His kids meal was$100 plus I provided him with a bucket of entertainment likes camera and bubbles and coloring books. $100 gets expensive quick, especially when parents aren’t giving larger gifts because their kids were invited.

I’m in the no kids camp unless they’re your nieces and nephews. I don’t believe kids should be there with alcohol and dancing

You didn't negotiate.

You know when you sit down with the banquet manager at a hotel or venue, they present you with menus with the goal of you blindly agreeing to whatever they present at whatever price. It's your job to negotiate.

I have three relatives who are chefs at high end hotels. I know the drill.

Our wedding was more than $100pp 20 years ago. We had kids plates that were $20 (chicken tenders, fries, buttered noodles, Mac n cheese, etc.). The kids actually had options to pick. And some of the older kids ended up with steak or crabcakes. We weren't asked to pay extra bc hotels expect people to change their mind on what they had selected when they rsvp'd when they see the meals being served. Nbd.

Nobody is paying $100 for a kid and serving them an adult entree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to be firmly in the “no kids at weddings camp”. But then yesterday I took my two kids to a wedding where there were also lots of other kids and it was so cute and fun.

If I could do my wedding over again, I’d include all the kids. There was so much more warmth and laughter with the kids.

x


Not if the kids are misbehaving and their parents are too lazy or drunk to do anything about it. I was at a wedding last year and the baby cried through nearly the entire 45 minute ceremony. It was awful.

I’m the PP who said I like kids at weddings now.

I agree about thr drunk or negligent parents. I brought my baby and toddler to the wedding yesterday. I ended up taking my toddler outside and walking him around the block mid-ceremony. It would have been awful to let him yap and yell in the middle of the ceremony.

The older kids were running around and being a little crazy but overall the kids were all mostly well behaved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would get over themselves and invite kids to their weddings. The past 2 weddings we’ve been invited to are kid-free, both family - DH’s cousin and sister. We have to travel for both of them. We decided to just send DH to his cousin’s, and we will suck it up for his sister’s and have my parents watch our 9, 6 & 3 year old. I know “it’s their wedding they can do whatever they want” but I don’t get it - no ring bearer or flower girls, no cute kids on the dance floor. Weddings are supposed to be about family coming together. Okay. Rant over.

Nope. People always get to decide who they invite to their parties. Not every event needs to involve children, even yours. Some weddings are appropriate for kids and some aren’t, and the bride and groom get to decide which is which.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish parents would stop trying to make it acceptable to bring children everywhere. There are plenty of events where it's inappropriate to bring children. Some people choose their wedding to be one of them. Don't like it, don't go. It's pretty simple.

+1!

[Anonymous]

We have no local family and no reliable, trusted babysitters we could leave the kids with for an entire weekend either. When we are invited to an out of state kids-free wedding for a close friend or family member, the one of us who is closest to the bride/groom goes to the wedding solo and the other parent stays home w the kids. So my close friend is getting married and having a kid free wedding in CA in a few months and I’m going while my husband stays home w the kids. Yes he has to take time off work in order to stay home with the kids but he’d also have to take time off work if he were traveling to the wedding anyway so for a close friend’s wedding it’s worth it.

[Anonymous]

We had kids at our wedding but we were pretty youngest on both sides of big families so many many nieces and nephews and logistics of not bringing them would have been tough. We had a list of baby sitters available for very young who were staying back at hotels and had a ‘fun & crash room’ on reception site with two sitters we paid for for any who brought kids to reception as an option to escape to.

Kids do add costs and that $20 kid meal just doesn’t exist (the least we found for the wedding I’m helping plan now is $45.) The other thing is kids count in the venue capacity numbers. I have no judgement of couples who would rather 15 more of their friends are included instead of their second cousin’s kids.

The only no kid weddings I dislike and feel very judgmental of are when one side of the family ‘gets’ to include kids (even just from friends) but the other side is told no kids. And then there was one of my SIL (and my brother since he obviously agreed to) that limited our family to just siblings/SOs (and zero kids despite many being adults children) while her side had her one sibling and many vousins and their kids. Our family has 7 siblings so she said it wasn’t fair she was outnumbered.

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old isn't invited to SIL's small wedding. This is her only aunt and now her only uncle, who is the father of her new cousin. I don't care about the logistics but ai think their priorities suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 8 year old isn't invited to SIL's small wedding. This is her only aunt and now her only uncle, who is the father of her new cousin. I don't care about the logistics but ai think their priorities suck.

Is she not invited to Thanksgiving or anything else? She’ll never see her aunt, uncle, and cousin ever again!?

This is truly tragic.

[Anonymous]

Space is an issue. My extended family is catholic and huge, and there are 40+ kids from the first cousins alone. In order to fit into our chosen venue, we had to limit headcount. “No kids” was the easy choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is pretty weird, too, but people can do what they want. Don’t feel bad RSVPing no. They invite. You get to choose if you attend.

I agree with this. They certainly have a right to do and I have a right to say no with no judgement.

I see both sides.

I had a good girlfriend who came to my small destination wedding when she was single. Fast forward several years and she is now getting married OUT OF STATE which would require me to be gone probably 2 nights due to it's location, and expects me come - but no kids are invited. Um, I have 2 small children so I tell her regretfully I can't make it. She is upset. Say what???? She says "can't someone just watch your kids?" I was flabbergasted. Uh, no. We have no family in the area, they are LITTLE, like both under 3, and my husbands job is such that he works hours that make it impossible to care for 2 little kids, one of whom isn't even in daycare. The cluelessness and utter obtuseness were astounding. I sent a nice gift and didn't lose a moment of sleep over it.

Are you serious? You had a destination wedding and have the gall to complain that she got married “OUT OF STATE”? I hope she dropped you as a friend because this is such an incredibly entitled way of thinking and I can’t bekieve you’re painting her as the obtuse party. You are saying that because you had kids first, your time and presence is more sacred than hers. Ugh. I can’t stand people like you.

This. I am a parent of a toddler and I don't get why becoming a parent makes some people so incredibly entitled. Get over yourself pp. And you too OP.

I think PP is just saying that her friend shouldn't be surprised or upset that she can't come.

Her friend should be! She made a major sacrifice to travel to PP’s destination wedding, and PP wouldn’t even try to make a similar sacrifice. Definition of selfish and entitled.

It’s just not the same. Once you have kids — esp if you’re not quite well off — sometimes the logistics don’t work anymore. We took a lot of crap from my family about not going to my grandma’s funeral, which was unexpected and one week after my c-section. We had 2 other under 4 year olds and I was BFing. My DH had work, I couldn’t drive and my baby was only 7 days old anyway. The funeral was 8ish hours drive or 2 hour plane ride + 1 hour drive away. It was just impossible and we took so much shit for it. It’s not like I didn’t want to go.

Sure, it’s not the same but I must have missed the memo where when I became a parent it became all about me. However, your example isn’t remotely applicable to the situation PP described. Wdddings are generally not held on one weeks’ notice, for one, and your baby was literally one week old. No one should blame you in your situation.

In the PP’s case my point stands.

[Anonymous]

A friend invited us to their wedding 5-6 hour drive away. I have 3 kids and will still be breastfeeding my baby that will be 2 months old when the wedding will take place. No kids wedding? I guess there is just no way for us to go.
Kids were invited to our wedding and I never even considered not inviting them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree OP. I don’t go to weddings without kids. End of story.

So I’m guessing you don’t go anywhere else where there is an age restriction? No bars, concerts, etc.? How do you feel about voting and driver’s permits?

No I don’t go to bars or concerts. I have no idea what you mean about voting and drivers permits? I’ve brought my kid to the voting booth, I think that’s important. I haven’t taken a drivers test in over 20 years. If I had to take one, my husband would be home with her.

OP - your logic is faulty. I go to bars but that is for a couple hours, not a couple nights. Easier to find a babysitter for 2 hours than 3 days on the weekend when they’re not even in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The irony is that the no kids wedding couple will eventually become parents bitching about no kids weddings.

We had kids at our evening wedding in a high end city hotel. It was a bit of a destination wedding in that most people stayed overnight at the hotel in the city. Big time party with kids dancing until nearly midnight. It was 20 years ago, and people still talk about it.

But here’s the crux... the fact that it was a big destination wedding requiring travel and overnight stays inconvenienced some of your guests. I trust some came, and some didn’t for that reason. Simply, some people wouldn’t have been able to accommodate the logistics or finances. That’s life.

A no kids wedding is the same. Some people with children will make arrangements to attend, some won’t. The ones that do attend will still talk about it. The ones who didn’t will still gossip about it.

Either way, the show really will go on, and it’s nothing to be cranky about.

My family lived in state A, and DH's family lived in state B (a 4 hour drive away or a short flight or train). The wedding was held in a city in state A. While lots of guests could have driven home late that night, most opted to party hard and crash. We hosted a brunch the next morning for those who stayed over.

We didn't want our friends and family to decline because they didn't have anyone to leave their kids with, so we invited them. Most opted to bring their kids.

It's rare that anyone holds a wedding in the same state as 100% of the guests.

Didn't the op say one of the weddings is her SIL? Pretty crappy not to make an exception for your brother's kids. I mean, they are family.

OP - yes. DH said not to fight it, the likelihood is that SIL is trying to impress non-family friends who will never babysit their own kids when they have them one day. as I said, I’m sucking it up but it’s inconsiderate.