Are you happy as a SAHM of school aged kids? Why or why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, very happy. Love being home. There is not that much time as one would think.

I was home for 11 years. I used to say this!!! Then I realized that I had the exact same “time” I have now (back to work) yet I only added 250k to the equation.


I am mao so much more efficient with my time now that I’m earning a living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, very happy. Love being home. There is not that much time as one would think.

I was home for 11 years. I used to say this!!! Then I realized that I had the exact same “time” I have now (back to work) yet I only added 250k to the equation.


I am mao so much more efficient with my time now that I’m earning a living.

Not everyone can go back and make $250K. I'm assuming you just had your immediate family. I have a MIL who had early onset dementia that I had to care for in my home for a year and we could not leave her home alone or afford help. Now I'm at the nursing home multiple times a week to feed her and take care of everything else. You probably have the same time as you had lots of help when you were SAH and your time was your time. Its not true for all of us. I don't want to be efficient. I want to take care of my kids and be there for them when they are home/need me vs. outsourcing to strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds very lazy to quit working to stay at home once your children don't require childcare during the day because they're in school. Is that your actual plan? I don't know anyone who does/did that.

Serious question, how do you handle sick days and snow days? I also work part-time like the pp. Just this morning my dd woke up with pinkeye. We have no family in the area, and dh’s job is fairly inflexible. I don’t know how we’d manage if I also had an inflexible position.

NP. I would have a job with this level of inflexibility and would hope my partner didn't either. Does your husband not have sick days? We generally trade off taking sick days. Snow days I'm supposed to work from home, so basically I'm not as productive because there's a toddler who needs attention. I have been honest with my boss that this is what happens. She is fine with it since this happens like 4 time a year and I am very productive al the other days of the year.

Same.

Also, what magical land do you live in that "local family" would handle all sick and snow days? I would never ask my 70-something parents to drive in snow and/or expose themselves to myriad illnesses unless I *really* needed the help. This idea that extended family are a work-life panacea just doesn't hold water. Even if they live close, it presumes a level of health, temperament, and availability that many extended family just don't have. I certainly don't.

Great, you have a flexible job and don't need local family. Some people have inflexible jobs and family that can help. Different families have different circumstances. Yippee.

And some people have inflexible jobs and no family who can help. Part of why we CHOSE flexible jobs is *because* our families are unreliable. See how that works? Yeah, I know we're lucky to have the option for flexibility.

Not everyone has that luxury. I had a very inflexible job, which is one reason why I choose to stay home. I was always told no to sick days, vacations and even doctors appointments. Often had to work an hour or two later than scheduled with no pay so it was an issue with child care. My family lives close by but I could be on my death bed and they would not help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH full-time when my son was 0-2. I went back to work very part-time when he turned 2 (10 hours per week) and now work the same now (he is 5 and in Kindergarten). So I consider myself somewhat of a SAHM. I plan to continue working 10 hours per week throughout elementary school at least. I love my schedule. It's the perfect mix of work an leisure. Here's why I only work 10 hours per week:

-DH is in a very inflexible, non-family friendly job. His hours are 6 am - 6 pm and will never change. He can never do drop offs or pick ups, sick days or snow days. Since I have to do all those things it makes sense for me to have a very flexible, part-time job.

-No local family in the area to help out for sick days or snow days.

-DH can't attend any programs/events at the school unless he takes the entire day off, so he can't take the morning off to go to a school event, for example. Since we have no family in the area I feel like I need to be at every single school program/event so my son has someone there.

-DH works 70 hour weeks. I take care of all the grocery shopping, meal prep, cleaning and repairs.

-Since I don't work every day, I still have free time to get appointments done, shop, work out, hobbies, etc. It's great.

working mom here.

10 hours is nothing. why even bother? I think our interns even do more than 10 hours a week.

PP here. Why bother? Because I get to be a professional in the field I love but work reasonable hours, make good money (I get paid a lot per hour), and be there for everything my child needs (sick days, snow days, all school activities, volunteer at the school). It's enough hours that I stay intellectually engaged but not enough hours that I feel burned out. It's perfect and I love my schedule.

I guess I'm just wondering what you can even accomplish in 10 hours.

Are you per diem?

One ten hour day a week would make sense.

But splitting it up over 3 or 5 days is crazy. What could you even get done in that time?!

NP
I think the point is she can choose to just work ten hours and enjoy the work. Since she doesn’t need the money it keeps her brain sharp - also keeps her cv current.

Lol 10 hours isn’t going to keep your brain sharp. That’s just delusional.

Maybe it's delusional if you're not too sharp to begin with. Some of us don't need much to maintain it. You do you.

[Anonymous]

Oh yes I do that part too, I work from home. No outsourcing to “strangers” here- though at some point I’m sure I (and you) will do just that.


I’m sure you were the busiest busy who ever busked- but don’t make assumptions about what others do or don’t do just because you “don’t like being efficient”. That’s one of the very WORST role models I could be. I had three kids in rapid succession and never had daytime help. And if I couldn’t afford care for a relative I’d go get a job to pay for it rather than trap my children and I indoors with a Demetria patient for a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH full-time when my son was 0-2. I went back to work very part-time when he turned 2 (10 hours per week) and now work the same now (he is 5 and in Kindergarten). So I consider myself somewhat of a SAHM. I plan to continue working 10 hours per week throughout elementary school at least. I love my schedule. It's the perfect mix of work an leisure. Here's why I only work 10 hours per week:

-DH is in a very inflexible, non-family friendly job. His hours are 6 am - 6 pm and will never change. He can never do drop offs or pick ups, sick days or snow days. Since I have to do all those things it makes sense for me to have a very flexible, part-time job.

-No local family in the area to help out for sick days or snow days.

-DH can't attend any programs/events at the school unless he takes the entire day off, so he can't take the morning off to go to a school event, for example. Since we have no family in the area I feel like I need to be at every single school program/event so my son has someone there.

-DH works 70 hour weeks. I take care of all the grocery shopping, meal prep, cleaning and repairs.

-Since I don't work every day, I still have free time to get appointments done, shop, work out, hobbies, etc. It's great.

working mom here.

10 hours is nothing. why even bother? I think our interns even do more than 10 hours a week.

PP here. Why bother? Because I get to be a professional in the field I love but work reasonable hours, make good money (I get paid a lot per hour), and be there for everything my child needs (sick days, snow days, all school activities, volunteer at the school). It's enough hours that I stay intellectually engaged but not enough hours that I feel burned out. It's perfect and I love my schedule.

I guess I'm just wondering what you can even accomplish in 10 hours.

Are you per diem?

One ten hour day a week would make sense.

But splitting it up over 3 or 5 days is crazy. What could you even get done in that time?!

NP
I think the point is she can choose to just work ten hours and enjoy the work. Since she doesn’t need the money it keeps her brain sharp - also keeps her cv current.

Lol 10 hours isn’t going to keep your brain sharp. That’s just delusional.

Maybe it's delusional if you're not too sharp to begin with. Some of us don't need much to maintain it. You do you.

I used to work 10 hours or so a week teaching fitness classes- it was a fun hobby but how much could PP REALLY get paid an hour to make 10 hours worth it? Inless they make like $1000 an hour we are talking hobby money. If your hobby keeps you sharp that’s great- I enjoyed mine and I hope you enjoy yours- but let’s not pretend this is a valuable or lucrative or even well understood path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH full-time when my son was 0-2. I went back to work very part-time when he turned 2 (10 hours per week) and now work the same now (he is 5 and in Kindergarten). So I consider myself somewhat of a SAHM. I plan to continue working 10 hours per week throughout elementary school at least. I love my schedule. It's the perfect mix of work an leisure. Here's why I only work 10 hours per week:

-DH is in a very inflexible, non-family friendly job. His hours are 6 am - 6 pm and will never change. He can never do drop offs or pick ups, sick days or snow days. Since I have to do all those things it makes sense for me to have a very flexible, part-time job.

-No local family in the area to help out for sick days or snow days.

-DH can't attend any programs/events at the school unless he takes the entire day off, so he can't take the morning off to go to a school event, for example. Since we have no family in the area I feel like I need to be at every single school program/event so my son has someone there.

-DH works 70 hour weeks. I take care of all the grocery shopping, meal prep, cleaning and repairs.

-Since I don't work every day, I still have free time to get appointments done, shop, work out, hobbies, etc. It's great.

working mom here.

10 hours is nothing. why even bother? I think our interns even do more than 10 hours a week.

PP here. Why bother? Because I get to be a professional in the field I love but work reasonable hours, make good money (I get paid a lot per hour), and be there for everything my child needs (sick days, snow days, all school activities, volunteer at the school). It's enough hours that I stay intellectually engaged but not enough hours that I feel burned out. It's perfect and I love my schedule.

I guess I'm just wondering what you can even accomplish in 10 hours.

Are you per diem?

One ten hour day a week would make sense.

But splitting it up over 3 or 5 days is crazy. What could you even get done in that time?!

NP
I think the point is she can choose to just work ten hours and enjoy the work. Since she doesn’t need the money it keeps her brain sharp - also keeps her cv current.

Lol 10 hours isn’t going to keep your brain sharp. That’s just delusional.

Maybe it's delusional if you're not too sharp to begin with. Some of us don't need much to maintain it. You do you.

Keep telling yourself that. 10 hrs a week is what an intern does when they’re not serious about the job and mom and dad forced them into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what would you do with your time? after a few months, wouldn't it get boring?

Working mom here. I can't quit because we need the money so I have no dog in this fight.

But, I don't get this question. Don't you have hobbies and things you like to do? School is only 6 hours during the day. It's not really that much time to fill, especially if you have to fill some of it running errands and cleaning. I've always been jealous of the women I see doing 2 back to back classes at the gym and then going in the sauna or getting a message. I never have time for that. I'm always running and trying to squeeze things in.

Same. I was furloughed recently and had no trouble filling the time; the school day seemed really short. I would 100% SAH if I could afford it. I would work out, volunteer, do home improvements, and still have some energy to engage when DD got home from school. I don't at all think it's "lazy" to not work if you don't have to: good for you. I also know a bunch of stuff like PTA, scouts, church events, carpools, etc. only happen because the people involved WOH less than 40 hours/week.

[Anonymous]

Furlough doesn’t compare to a decade at home. After 11 years at home I had cleaned and organized and decorated and exercised my way to boredom and I’m happy to be back to work.

It was a very natural thing to be home with my babies (ex traveled) when they needed me and then to turn my brains and energy to a different way to provide for my kids after a decade of nurturing I took on providing. We really can do it all ladies, if we want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds very lazy to quit working to stay at home once your children don't require childcare during the day because they're in school. Is that your actual plan? I don't know anyone who does/did that.

Serious question, how do you handle sick days and snow days? I also work part-time like the pp. Just this morning my dd woke up with pinkeye. We have no family in the area, and dh’s job is fairly inflexible. I don’t know how we’d manage if I also had an inflexible position.

NP. I would have a job with this level of inflexibility and would hope my partner didn't either. Does your husband not have sick days? We generally trade off taking sick days. Snow days I'm supposed to work from home, so basically I'm not as productive because there's a toddler who needs attention. I have been honest with my boss that this is what happens. She is fine with it since this happens like 4 time a year and I am very productive al the other days of the year.

Same.

Also, what magical land do you live in that "local family" would handle all sick and snow days? I would never ask my 70-something parents to drive in snow and/or expose themselves to myriad illnesses unless I *really* needed the help. This idea that extended family are a work-life panacea just doesn't hold water. Even if they live close, it presumes a level of health, temperament, and availability that many extended family just don't have. I certainly don't.

Great, you have a flexible job and don't need local family. Some people have inflexible jobs and family that can help. Different families have different circumstances. Yippee.

And some people have inflexible jobs and no family who can help. Part of why we CHOSE flexible jobs is *because* our families are unreliable. See how that works? Yeah, I know we're lucky to have the option for flexibility.

Not everyone has that luxury. I had a very inflexible job, which is one reason why I choose to stay home. I was always told no to sick days, vacations and even doctors appointments. Often had to work an hour or two later than scheduled with no pay so it was an issue with child care. My family lives close by but I could be on my death bed and they would not help.

So one solution to this problem is to find a more flexible job. If you don't want to work for pay, that's fine, but there are other options if this was a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH full-time when my son was 0-2. I went back to work very part-time when he turned 2 (10 hours per week) and now work the same now (he is 5 and in Kindergarten). So I consider myself somewhat of a SAHM. I plan to continue working 10 hours per week throughout elementary school at least. I love my schedule. It's the perfect mix of work an leisure. Here's why I only work 10 hours per week:

-DH is in a very inflexible, non-family friendly job. His hours are 6 am - 6 pm and will never change. He can never do drop offs or pick ups, sick days or snow days. Since I have to do all those things it makes sense for me to have a very flexible, part-time job.

-No local family in the area to help out for sick days or snow days.

-DH can't attend any programs/events at the school unless he takes the entire day off, so he can't take the morning off to go to a school event, for example. Since we have no family in the area I feel like I need to be at every single school program/event so my son has someone there.

-DH works 70 hour weeks. I take care of all the grocery shopping, meal prep, cleaning and repairs.

-Since I don't work every day, I still have free time to get appointments done, shop, work out, hobbies, etc. It's great.

working mom here.

10 hours is nothing. why even bother? I think our interns even do more than 10 hours a week.

PP here. Why bother? Because I get to be a professional in the field I love but work reasonable hours, make good money (I get paid a lot per hour), and be there for everything my child needs (sick days, snow days, all school activities, volunteer at the school). It's enough hours that I stay intellectually engaged but not enough hours that I feel burned out. It's perfect and I love my schedule.

I guess I'm just wondering what you can even accomplish in 10 hours.

Are you per diem?

One ten hour day a week would make sense.

But splitting it up over 3 or 5 days is crazy. What could you even get done in that time?!

NP
I think the point is she can choose to just work ten hours and enjoy the work. Since she doesn’t need the money it keeps her brain sharp - also keeps her cv current.

Lol 10 hours isn’t going to keep your brain sharp. That’s just delusional.

I'm a NP, but the comments about 10 hours not being meaningful, being something "an intern" does, etc... they just don't make any sense in light of this comment, which may be from one of the same people:

"It takes 30 minutes to settle in once I get to work. Gotta get my coffee, check my email, check my planner, reschedule conflicts or priorities, colleagues inevitably come by to chat. And that's not even including the issue of morning meetings!"

Yeah, you're (probably) not doing 40 hours per week of the same level of work that the 10-hour PP is doing. She gets her coffee and sets her schedule separately, and she probably has a specialized enough job not to need 80%-pointless morning meetings, or at least rarely. Like most people, you might be getting 25 solid hours of work in a 40-hour week, what with the coffee and the coworker conversations, so is 10 hours of that same level of work really that hard to comprehend, if it's a job with a limited function?

Just weird that you can't comprehend this. Personally, I work 3 different jobs very part-time, each in the range of 2 to 15 hours per week, totaling about 20/week. There's no padding, and I'd wager I do at least nearly as much work as most people who have a more traditional 9-5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds very lazy to quit working to stay at home once your children don't require childcare during the day because they're in school. Is that your actual plan? I don't know anyone who does/did that.

Serious question, how do you handle sick days and snow days? I also work part-time like the pp. Just this morning my dd woke up with pinkeye. We have no family in the area, and dh’s job is fairly inflexible. I don’t know how we’d manage if I also had an inflexible position.

NP. I would have a job with this level of inflexibility and would hope my partner didn't either. Does your husband not have sick days? We generally trade off taking sick days. Snow days I'm supposed to work from home, so basically I'm not as productive because there's a toddler who needs attention. I have been honest with my boss that this is what happens. She is fine with it since this happens like 4 time a year and I am very productive al the other days of the year.

Same.

Also, what magical land do you live in that "local family" would handle all sick and snow days? I would never ask my 70-something parents to drive in snow and/or expose themselves to myriad illnesses unless I *really* needed the help. This idea that extended family are a work-life panacea just doesn't hold water. Even if they live close, it presumes a level of health, temperament, and availability that many extended family just don't have. I certainly don't.

Great, you have a flexible job and don't need local family. Some people have inflexible jobs and family that can help. Different families have different circumstances. Yippee.

And some people have inflexible jobs and no family who can help. Part of why we CHOSE flexible jobs is *because* our families are unreliable. See how that works? Yeah, I know we're lucky to have the option for flexibility.

Not everyone has that luxury. I had a very inflexible job, which is one reason why I choose to stay home. I was always told no to sick days, vacations and even doctors appointments. Often had to work an hour or two later than scheduled with no pay so it was an issue with child care. My family lives close by but I could be on my death bed and they would not help.

So one solution to this problem is to find a more flexible job. If you don't want to work for pay, that's fine, but there are other options if this was a problem.

I'm the PP who chose flexible jobs, and I agree. I have family who don't have that choice, mostly because they didn't attend college, their employment options are limited, and the employers that will hire them generally treat them like trash. It's unconscionable. And there are plenty of professions that require relatively brief periods of intense work like that, such as medical residency. But staying in an inflexible job for years and not even exploring other options, when they're likely out there? Why? Workplace flexibility is SO much more common in white collar professions than it was even 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

I did this but then I got pregnant. I now have 2 in elementary and a toddler. I’m doing all the things I didn’t when my older kids were younger and in daycare.

[Anonymous]

I had a demanding job pre-children and quit to stay home with them. My youngest is 5 now and this is the first year they’ve both been in school all day - 8:45-2:45. It is not as leisurely as what I had in my mind - but I absolutely love it. It gives me time to be really organized, cook, exercise and do a few other things for myself (eat well, meditation). Mentally, I’ve never been better. Now that they’re older I really enjoy being able to pick them up every day and hear about school, I am able to go on after school hikes, play dates, etc with them as I’ve already meal planned and prepped dinner. I have had lots of time to volunteer (room parent, community service projects, field trip chaperone etc). Ask me how I feel in a year or two but, first year and I really enjoy it. Like you, I didn’t love my previous job (liked my clients/disliked my boss and general work atmosphere). Maybe I’d feel differently if I had found it more fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

How much $$ do you feel your partner would have to make for you to feel comfortable giving up your job?