Dealing with friends who are overwhelmed and/or inconsiderate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound petty, sorry. Are you planning this stuff and inviting people? It sounds like you are. If so, some of this is a bit of hosting. The rest of it, I could care less is omelne takes my old towel. I always bring extra stuff b/c that’s my deal, another friend pays more often, and others are fun and we like having them, my kids are easier, etc. Overall, it all evens out. I don’t think you feel that way at all - you sound like a principal. Wby don’t you send some reminder texts or something? Really, you’re already halfway there so go whole hog.

Newsflash, defensive moocher: asking your friends if they want to meet up to go skiing does NOT mean you then need to outfit them in ski gear for the occasion. FFS.

Yeah, no. I clearly stated that I always bring extra stuff. Learn to slow down and read. But if I was going to get as worked up and bent out of shape as easily as you and OP do, I would A. stop inviting people to casually do stuff I did not trust to have all their items ready themselves, or B. do stuff alone because I am a raging control freak. If you really go around ruminating about your extra mittens for years, you just aren't the lets all go skiing type unless you have pre-vetted the situation. Know who you are and work with that. Not everyone is like you, with a super clean house and it all organized, and seriously, thank goodness because you sound like a massive PITA.

NP, but you started this by calling the OP petty, then doubled-down by calling PP a massive PITA. I am not in the business of buying friends with bar tabs and beach towels. I've worked hard for the money I have, and when I decide to spend some of it I do so deliberately. I buy what I need and keep track of those things. It's called being responsible. I'll gladly throw my credit card down to split dinner without a second thought of who ate what, but I'm not buying everyone's drinks at a bar if I've long stopped drinking myself because you think that pays for the fact I went home with your beach towel once (which, BTW, I would never do). This is not friendship. If you (or others in this thread who take peoples' things and then don't give them back) are so rich that you have total disregard for the fact that these things you take cost your friends money, then count your blessings...and trudge over to the ski shop to pay for your foolishness in the form of mittens at a ridiculous mark up just so your kid can go ski.

Now watch, you're probably going to call ME cheap.

I posted previously about sometimes forgetting a diaper or my kids losing gloves. We do have a seven figure income and while I may absolutely terrible at returning Tupperware or your salad bowl, I more than make up for it in other ways.

We have a housekeeper who does our dishes and laundry. I honestly wouldn’t know what is ours or others. I know I buy multiples of gloves and hats because my kids are always losing them.

I do think OP is petty about friend taking her beach towel on a trip. We have been to the beach where someone is missing a swimsuit, shovel, boogie board, towel, whatever. I buy or give items to friends and vice versa. If we traveled and borrowed, we return item at the end of the trip. And if you bought my kid a shovel and bucket, we would always reciprocate and it would a bigger gesture.

[Anonymous]

OP if you want to keep the friendship you need to take control. When you loan them something and they don’t give it back it makes you feel angry and upset. And then you feel petty.
Cut that off in the bud by not loaning them things. They either aren’t thinking or they are moochers but no need to figure all that out. Just don’t loan. “Neither borrower nor Lender be “.
If the outing not as fun they will learn. Or they won’t. But neither of those are your problem to solve.

[Anonymous]

Oddly the people who say you are petty are the exact ones who take advantage. Funny how that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oddly the people who say you are petty are the exact ones who take advantage. Funny how that works.

I called her petty and said I always have extra stuff. I bring a bag of spares for every activity. So no, you’re wrong, and can’t read. I think this kind of obsessiveness if you want to be a go with the flow let’s do all these fun last minute things are incongruous and you have to decide which lane you’re in. If it stresses you out, don’t invite other families. You still have very small kids. There’s no need for this crap.

[Anonymous]

They have ADHD.

Just grab your items back before you department time. "We had a great time at the pool. Perfect day for it! Hey, let me grab those two stripped towels that we lent you. Since we are all heading out now, I can just put them here in my bag."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound petty, sorry. Are you planning this stuff and inviting people? It sounds like you are. If so, some of this is a bit of hosting. The rest of it, I could care less is omelne takes my old towel. I always bring extra stuff b/c that’s my deal, another friend pays more often, and others are fun and we like having them, my kids are easier, etc. Overall, it all evens out. I don’t think you feel that way at all - you sound like a principal. Wby don’t you send some reminder texts or something? Really, you’re already halfway there so go whole hog.

Newsflash, defensive moocher: asking your friends if they want to meet up to go skiing does NOT mean you then need to outfit them in ski gear for the occasion. FFS.

Yeah, no. I clearly stated that I always bring extra stuff. Learn to slow down and read. But if I was going to get as worked up and bent out of shape as easily as you and OP do, I would A. stop inviting people to casually do stuff I did not trust to have all their items ready themselves, or B. do stuff alone because I am a raging control freak. If you really go around ruminating about your extra mittens for years, you just aren't the lets all go skiing type unless you have pre-vetted the situation. Know who you are and work with that. Not everyone is like you, with a super clean house and it all organized, and seriously, thank goodness because you sound like a massive PITA.

NP, but you started this by calling the OP petty, then doubled-down by calling PP a massive PITA. I am not in the business of buying friends with bar tabs and beach towels. I've worked hard for the money I have, and when I decide to spend some of it I do so deliberately. I buy what I need and keep track of those things. It's called being responsible. I'll gladly throw my credit card down to split dinner without a second thought of who ate what, but I'm not buying everyone's drinks at a bar if I've long stopped drinking myself because you think that pays for the fact I went home with your beach towel once (which, BTW, I would never do). This is not friendship. If you (or others in this thread who take peoples' things and then don't give them back) are so rich that you have total disregard for the fact that these things you take cost your friends money, then count your blessings...and trudge over to the ski shop to pay for your foolishness in the form of mittens at a ridiculous mark up just so your kid can go ski.

Now watch, you're probably going to call ME cheap.

I posted previously about sometimes forgetting a diaper or my kids losing gloves. We do have a seven figure income and while I may absolutely terrible at returning Tupperware or your salad bowl, I more than make up for it in other ways.

We have a housekeeper who does our dishes and laundry. I honestly wouldn’t know what is ours or others. I know I buy multiples of gloves and hats because my kids are always losing them.

I do think OP is petty about friend taking her beach towel on a trip. We have been to the beach where someone is missing a swimsuit, shovel, boogie board, towel, whatever. I buy or give items to friends and vice versa. If we traveled and borrowed, we return item at the end of the trip. And if you bought my kid a shovel and bucket, we would always reciprocate and it would a bigger gesture.

You don't know what items you left your own house with??? Man, it's a shame you can't just pay other people to think for you, too!

You're doing your kids a disservice by teaching them to create unnecessary waste (of both items and money) instead of a lesson of personal responsibility. Kids who grow up poor only lose their gloves once.