If you grew up poor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We grew up LMC, both with dads unable to hold jobs and a workaholic mother who earned money and raised kids while the dad was checked out (depressio, alcoholism, etc).

We both work and I make more than DH, GS15 & GS14 (his agency has flatter compensation where stopping st GS14 makes way more sense). He is very involved as a dad, and we split activites and pickup and drop up, and chores.

We have a nice life, with enough money (not quite enough for around here if we want good commutes) but I am anxious about going to single breadwinner after seeing our dads careers crater suddenly. And he doesn’t want to be a SAHD b/c he feels it will be very isolating.

Out of curiosity, are you and your DH close to your moms? I feel like I'm the workaholic mom (due to a DH with a great job but who drinks too much) and I pray that my kids will not resent me someday, but will appreciate what I'm doing to ensure stability.

We were close to our moms. Relationship with Dad was more distant, and some siblings had conflict with dad though (both families)

Having an alcoholic father I think led to a siblings debilitating BPD, so I would recommend al-anon or a therapist for all of you. The mom in that situation had issues too, so not sure, but have read that the checked out alcoholic parent is considered neglect that can trigger personality disorders.