Anyone else HATE having people to their home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to relax. You need to tell yourself that you really wouldn't want to have friends who judge you for a crappy paint job or a little mess. Put yourself in a frame of mind that the most important thing is to make them feel welcome. That should include letting them see a bit of failure and humanity. Let them help you make the crudites. My best dinner parties have involved someone helping me out of a bind and taking over a chicken or gravy or something. People love to feel needed.

Personally, I hate going to perfect houses. I am suspicious of anyone whose house is immaculate and where all the furniture looks like it came out of a showroom.

+1

Nothing worse than walking into a Pottery Barn catalogue. Maybe I just do not favor that kind of taste; or maybe I ma offended that someone was not creative enough to manage decorating on their own, to show they are their own person (and not such a follower). It makes my skin crawl to feel like I am in a mall furniture catalogue, if the setting is too contrived and not comfortable and personal.

OP, if you serve food on clean plates, and you have dusted an vacuumed, it says you made an effort, and you want people to be there. Settle down a bit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to relax. You need to tell yourself that you really wouldn't want to have friends who judge you for a crappy paint job or a little mess. Put yourself in a frame of mind that the most important thing is to make them feel welcome. That should include letting them see a bit of failure and humanity. Let them help you make the crudites. My best dinner parties have involved someone helping me out of a bind and taking over a chicken or gravy or something. People love to feel needed.

Personally, I hate going to perfect houses. I am suspicious of anyone whose house is immaculate and where all the furniture looks like it came out of a showroom.

+1

Nothing worse than walking into a Pottery Barn catalogue. Maybe I just do not favor that kind of taste; or maybe I ma offended that someone was not creative enough to manage decorating on their own, to show they are their own person (and not such a follower). It makes my skin crawl to feel like I am in a mall furniture catalogue, if the setting is too contrived and not comfortable and personal.

OP, if you serve food on clean plates, and you have dusted an vacuumed, it says you made an effort, and you want people to be there. Settle down a bit!



Im offended pp that you are judging peoples homes and giving advice to an OP from FIVE years ago.

[Anonymous]

The thread is 5+ years old. I think the OP has moved on by now.

But I have to say I do not enjoy having people to my house unless they are close friends or family. For everyone else I put too much pressure on myself to have the house just so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading all of your comments above and agree with all. However my problem with having guests over is a bit different. I find myself spending a couple of hours on my house giving it a good clean before they are due over. You know, cleaned bathrooms, freshly smelling house, fluffed up cushions and a fridge full if goodies. I like to make sure my guests are looked after and welcomed into a clean home. My problem though is this.. I spend all my time doing the above only for certain guests to end up trashing the house by the time they leave. Doors wide open and not closed behind them, toilets not flushed after being used, toys everywhere, sweet rappers, stained walls (spilt wine) on my newly painted walls and honestly the feeling that there is no respect for my house there and how hard I've worked to make it a nice house to live in. I know I shouldn't care about the mess made but I can't help it. I hate it. I can't relax and enjoy my time because I just see my house being trashed in front of me and at the time I don't want to say anything because I want guests to feel happy and welcomed. But OMG I just cannot take it anymore! How can I try to relax a little more? I can see this starting to effect my social life and the last thing Id want is for no one to want to come over but I'd just like a little respect.

Although I don't have guests that are that disrespectful, I definitely agree it is annoying to clean the house top to bottom and then it is messed up when they leave. So I don't do a major clean before parties. I do my normal cleaning, maybe a special wipe down on the kitchen, and then I do the "big clean" AFTER they leave!

[Anonymous]

The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind having people over but I used to kill myself cleaning and cooking (and I am pretty clean to begin with.) Once I had kids, I finally relaxed. I went from crazy cleaning for guests to just "tidy up." My DH is great and he always scrubs down the powder room before company but other than that we have learned to relax. I also try to make a dinner that is done early to pick-up kitchen and run dishwasher - like a baked enchilada dish, salad, etc. In the summer, make the salads early and then grill something. That helps a lot too. The only reason I hated/hate having people over is all the kids. Someone won't eat, or dragging food around, crying, etc. But now that everyone is older, we can feed them first and they will do the WII or go outside. The younger years with all the kids around can make entertaining hard. I am a homebody so love to be at home; it is not large but very, warm and inviting and people always tell us they love coming to our house because it feels so warm. I don't have a lot of talents so that makes me feel good. The person who said to go out and at home is dull....we never show photo albums. We talk with our friends. I find it is very hard to do that in a restaurant because it is so loud.

I so agree.

Also--since my own kids are older I am not worrying about them--tired out from chasing them all day, etc. At 7 and 9 they can help with things too.

I am more impromptu about my entertaining--not a fan of throwing formal dinners. We usually just text friends and neighbors 'come on over' and things happen organically. If I plan too far in advance I get a lot of anxiety.

Guests that help out and cleAn up are a bonus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today, I finally admitted to myself that I HATE having people over to my home. I am a very social person and love getting together with friends, but I become so anxious when anyone visits - is my house clean enough? What will we eat? How does the lawn look? Will people notice the crappy paint job in the living room? Should we eat outside or inside? Where should I put the crudites? Etc. etc. I find myself secretly hoping that people will cancel on us after we invite them over. I dread the visits for days beforehand. Anyone else like this? How do you deal? I am an anxious person by nature and I care too much what people think about me, I need to get over it! Our friends have had to invite themselves over in order to meet our now-several-months-old baby.

My house has an ugly 1996 kitchen (which was a HORRIBLE period in home design!, I have 3 boys so the house is dominated by them, my floors are all scratched up from the dog, I don't have nice furniture, we don't have a deck or patio, and our yard has weeds. No I don't care. I don't need to be friends with people who look down on us. I suppose if they do, then it is a self-selection process of removal from our lives.

I can't imagine caring about the things you are posting above. I think you need to figure out why you have such low self-esteem and think that you are only as worthy as how nice of a home you have. Do you not feel that you have much to offer as a person?

[Anonymous]

I know its an old thread, but I hate having people over. I used to love it, but somewhere along the line, I got really anxious and self-conscious about our tiny house, our IKEA furniture and my horrible kitchen and baths. Its stupid, I know, but i still hate having people over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to relax. You need to tell yourself that you really wouldn't want to have friends who judge you for a crappy paint job or a little mess. Put yourself in a frame of mind that the most important thing is to make them feel welcome. That should include letting them see a bit of failure and humanity. Let them help you make the crudites. My best dinner parties have involved someone helping me out of a bind and taking over a chicken or gravy or something. People love to feel needed.

Personally, I hate going to perfect houses. I am suspicious of anyone whose house is immaculate and where all the furniture looks like it came out of a showroom.

+1

Nothing worse than walking into a Pottery Barn catalogue. Maybe I just do not favor that kind of taste; or maybe I ma offended that someone was not creative enough to manage decorating on their own, to show they are their own person (and not such a follower). It makes my skin crawl to feel like I am in a mall furniture catalogue, if the setting is too contrived and not comfortable and personal.

OP, if you serve food on clean plates, and you have dusted an vacuumed, it says you made an effort, and you want people to be there. Settle down a bit!

You are EXACTLY the kind of friend I don't want. My house is not "pottery barn" it is not anything. It is a bit of a shit shack inside and out. However, to walk into ANYONE's house and to then critique it one way or the other and THEN pass judgment on the PERSON is just shallow and gross. Your comment speaks volumes about you more than anything else. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

Do you keep a little spreadsheet with tally marks? Like every time you are invited to someone's house you mark a check? and then when they come to your house, you mark a check and if the checks are not even then they are off the list? You sound like a ton of fun. Do you work? Just curious. You seem to have a lot of time on your hands for tracking purposes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

Do you keep a little spreadsheet with tally marks? Like every time you are invited to someone's house you mark a check? and then when they come to your house, you mark a check and if the checks are not even then they are off the list? You sound like a ton of fun. Do you work? Just curious. You seem to have a lot of time on your hands for tracking purposes.

I do work, full time. It's not hard at all to "keep track" when the other party has never had you over. Are you the kind whose kids get invited to others' houses continually and you don't bother to keep track of when it's your turn to host?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

Do you keep a little spreadsheet with tally marks? Like every time you are invited to someone's house you mark a check? and then when they come to your house, you mark a check and if the checks are not even then they are off the list? You sound like a ton of fun. Do you work? Just curious. You seem to have a lot of time on your hands for tracking purposes.

I do work, full time. It's not hard at all to "keep track" when the other party has never had you over. Are you the kind whose kids get invited to others' houses continually and you don't bother to keep track of when it's your turn to host?

No, but I do not invite people over without the expectation of something in return. If I invite someone over it is because I enjoy their company, not because I'm desperate for an invite to their house. Furthermore, if I knew someone was insecure about the condition or size of their home, I certainly would not get offended by their insecurity. Don't take things so personally, everything is not about you, or an offense to your person.

[Anonymous]

this thread makes me so sad. I just LOVE having guests. Maybe we could paint our doors red, green and yellow depending on how friendly we are?

[Anonymous]

I have a nice house but I would rather meet up with friends at a restaurant or an outing. My kids are older so we don't needs babysitters anymore but with work ect...we are too busy to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this thread makes me so sad. I just LOVE having guests. Maybe we could paint our doors red, green and yellow depending on how friendly we are?

Of all things in life THIS is what makes you sad? Dear God.