Should the ex spouse be mentioned in the obituary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have children together, you are forever family. You have mutual blood relatives.

Not true. Tell that to my husband's ex. She worked actively to cut him out of the kids lives. That is not a relative. He would never want her mentioned on anything. Nor would we even tell her she passed.

The kids are family to their mom and dad, but the divorced parents are not nor ever a "forever family"...LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on good terms with my XH but if he dies I don't want to be in his obit, simply because I am the second wife, he is remarried a third time and seems like if you mention you, the first wife needs to go in there, too, and see how tacky all that sounds/reads? No thank you ma'am.

I agree and while I can understand 1st and 2nd marriages there's never a reason for a 3rd or 4th even! Like people who have kids with more then 1 or 2 partners. TRASHY. That's when the obit needs to be very "generic".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on good terms with my XH but if he dies I don't want to be in his obit, simply because I am the second wife, he is remarried a third time and seems like if you mention you, the first wife needs to go in there, too, and see how tacky all that sounds/reads? No thank you ma'am.

I agree and while I can understand 1st and 2nd marriages there's never a reason for a 3rd or 4th even! Like people who have kids with more then 1 or 2 partners. TRASHY. That's when the obit needs to be very "generic".

But if your life was trashy, why write the obit to the contrary. The obit is a recap of reality. If it’s trashy to write about the 3rd or 4th wife, then why play the role of the 3rd or 4th wife?

This reminds me of my mom's obit, my parents became holier than though Christians after they married; however, unbeknownst to most my mom was pregnant with my older sister when they got married (oh the horror). The obit mentioned me and my younger brother's month and birth years behind our names (1/72 and 11/75). However, my older sisters said she was born during the "Spring of 67." Lie. She was born in Feb of 67, however, the Christian friends would have been able to do the calculation of when my parents got married and her birth and see that my mom was pregnant. I found it to be disingenuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on good terms with my XH but if he dies I don't want to be in his obit, simply because I am the second wife, he is remarried a third time and seems like if you mention you, the first wife needs to go in there, too, and see how tacky all that sounds/reads? No thank you ma'am.

I agree and while I can understand 1st and 2nd marriages there's never a reason for a 3rd or 4th even! Like people who have kids with more then 1 or 2 partners. TRASHY. That's when the obit needs to be very "generic".

But if your life was trashy, why write the obit to the contrary. The obit is a recap of reality. If it’s trashy to write about the 3rd or 4th wife, then why play the role of the 3rd or 4th wife?

This reminds me of my mom's obit, my parents became holier than though Christians after they married; however, unbeknownst to most my mom was pregnant with my older sister when they got married (oh the horror). The obit mentioned me and my younger brother's month and birth years behind our names (1/72 and 11/75). However, my older sisters said she was born during the "Spring of 67." Lie. She was born in Feb of 67, however, the Christian friends would have been able to do the calculation of when my parents got married and her birth and see that my mom was pregnant. I found it to be disingenuous.

The obit is to let friends and family know about the passing. It's a short account of their life, family survivors, and the funeral service if there is one. It's not a "recap" of their life. Not a time to bring up their mistakes either. In your case I don't know why survivor birth dates would be listed. Usually the spouse is listed first then the children, and other family members. Since obits are expensive I see more and more not doing this. I think Legacy is either free or cheap. More going that route.