DH is a superficial ass

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell that ass to go to hell.

If my husband EVER told me I was fat and unattractive I'd lose 180 pounds over night and have him served with divorce papers the next day. What a mean thing your husband did.

Take his shit and find happiness without him. Who the f does he think he is ? God's gift ?

I would never let any man tell me to lose weight. For him. F him.

If you are carrying 180 extra pounds then you are fat and it's reasonable that your husband is no longer attracted to you.
And if him telling you this motivates you to lose the weight you should be thanking him!!! By your own account, he's the reason you're going to live longer and have a better quality of life!

[Anonymous]

Lose the weight for yourself and Divorce his sorry ass! He doesn't deserve you. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PSA to women: When you husband tells you that he still thinks you're "hot" after you put on 40 pounds, he's saying that because he knows that he has no choice. If you were honest, you'd know that you'd freak out and get angry if said you being fat was a turn-off. Stop insisting that your husbands "validate" your attractiveness when you know that you let yourself go. A minority of men are into fat women, but most are not and are basically shamed into accepting it because they literally have no other choice that wouldn't wreck their marriages.

Interesting. I was just at a water park with my family and cannot tell you how many thin men were paired up with overweight women - many of them young and unmarried. I realize this is totally beside the point, because OP's DH doesn't find overweight women attractive, but obviously many men do. It see it all the time.

As far as OP comparing her DH to her overweight friends' husbands, I don't think it's a fair comparison in that her DH was overweight as a child and has his own issues and insecurities that he carries from his childhood - he's got "baggage" that impacts how he reacts to OP's weight gain. If he experienced any self-loathing or anxiety (or any other negative feelings) around his weight as a child, he's going to project that on OP and it will impact his sexual life with her.

So yes, he was an ass but OP understands why. It's not just about her, he's got baggage that influences his own intense workout regimen, etc.

[Anonymous]

Did anyone read the responses to thread about the wife overweight husband? The female responses were just as vitriolic towards the husband.

OP. Please don't let yourself get fired up and pulled in by the negativity on this board. Read the book His Needs/Her Needs - it will provide some sane perspective.

[Anonymous]

Don't be so willing to believe that those other womens' husbands are happy with their fat wives. Most men are not. They don't say it out loud, but men are under social pressure to talk about how "hot" their wife is or else other women will hate them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the advice.
I do have a diet plan I am working with my doctor on.
I have lost both my parents within a year of each other ( in their 60s) and maybe that contributed to the weight gain and the need for feeling some unconditional love.

We understand it's hard - some of us have been there!

But it doesn't change the fact that you overreacted to his comment. So give yourself a little time, and move on when you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PSA to women: When you husband tells you that he still thinks you're "hot" after you put on 40 pounds, he's saying that because he knows that he has no choice. If you were honest, you'd know that you'd freak out and get angry if said you being fat was a turn-off. Stop insisting that your husbands "validate" your attractiveness when you know that you let yourself go. A minority of men are into fat women, but most are not and are basically shamed into accepting it because they literally have no other choice that wouldn't wreck their marriages.

Interesting. I was just at a water park with my family and cannot tell you how many thin men were paired up with overweight women - many of them young and unmarried. I realize this is totally beside the point, because OP's DH doesn't find overweight women attractive, but obviously many men do. It see it all the time.

As far as OP comparing her DH to her overweight friends' husbands, I don't think it's a fair comparison in that her DH was overweight as a child and has his own issues and insecurities that he carries from his childhood - he's got "baggage" that impacts how he reacts to OP's weight gain. If he experienced any self-loathing or anxiety (or any other negative feelings) around his weight as a child, he's going to project that on OP and it will impact his sexual life with her.

So yes, he was an ass but OP understands why. It's not just about her, he's got baggage that influences his own intense workout regimen, etc.

And how attractive were those thin men? Did they have great jobs or job prospects? Or were they still living with mom and dad playing video games all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell that ass to go to hell.

If my husband EVER told me I was fat and unattractive I'd lose 180 pounds over night and have him served with divorce papers the next day. What a mean thing your husband did.

Take his shit and find happiness without him. Who the f does he think he is ? God's gift ?

I would never let any man tell me to lose weight. For him. F him.

180 pounds overweight is huge and would take an incredible amount of effort, time and discipline to lose in a healthy manner. You should get off DCUM and get to work, baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PSA to women: When you husband tells you that he still thinks you're "hot" after you put on 40 pounds, he's saying that because he knows that he has no choice. If you were honest, you'd know that you'd freak out and get angry if said you being fat was a turn-off. Stop insisting that your husbands "validate" your attractiveness when you know that you let yourself go. A minority of men are into fat women, but most are not and are basically shamed into accepting it because they literally have no other choice that wouldn't wreck their marriages.

Interesting. I was just at a water park with my family and cannot tell you how many thin men were paired up with overweight women - many of them young and unmarried. I realize this is totally beside the point, because OP's DH doesn't find overweight women attractive, but obviously many men do. It see it all the time.

As far as OP comparing her DH to her overweight friends' husbands, I don't think it's a fair comparison in that her DH was overweight as a child and has his own issues and insecurities that he carries from his childhood - he's got "baggage" that impacts how he reacts to OP's weight gain. If he experienced any self-loathing or anxiety (or any other negative feelings) around his weight as a child, he's going to project that on OP and it will impact his sexual life with her.

So yes, he was an ass but OP understands why. It's not just about her, he's got baggage that influences his own intense workout regimen, etc.

And how attractive were those thin men? Did they have great jobs or job prospects? Or were they still living with mom and dad playing video games all day?

Yeah, I'm a little skeptical of this story about a bunch of young, skinny guys being with much heavier girlfriends and wives. It comes across like wishful thinking. I'm sorry, but most men aren't into significantly overweight women. The nicer guys will suck it up when their wives put on weight because they don't want to be mean, and because most men get fat too, so they can't really judge. But most of them would prefer their wives to be fit.

[Anonymous]

He's obsessive about being fit and that obsession leads him to ask why don't you seem to care about being fit. It's a fair question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Tell that ass to go to hell.

If my husband EVER told me I was fat and unattractive I'd lose 180 pounds over night and have him served with divorce papers the next day. What a mean thing your husband did.

Take his shit and find happiness without him. Who the f does he think he is ? God's gift ?

I would never let any man tell me to lose weight. For him. F him.



180 pounds overweight is huge and would take an incredible amount of effort, time and discipline to lose in a healthy manner. You should get off DCUM and get to work, baby.

I think the poster was saying she'd lose 180 lbs overnight by leaving her 180 lb husband, not that she is 180 lbs overweight.

I think that part of OP's problem is that her husband is extremely self conscious about weight and fitness, and perhaps she reacts in the opposite way on purpose (some people gain under stress, some lose).

OP, its hurtful and the way he said it and whatever else he said also matters (I love you no matter what but I am less attracted to you at this weight versus you disgust me) but if you have put on a lot of weight, that's on you, not him. Perhaps you can get down into a healthy range for yourself. you dont need to be stick thin or work out 8 times a week either.

I'm sorry you feel down. its very painful.

[Anonymous]

"I don't know," the husband said. "I can't help it. I look around at the women at the gym and on my favorite porn sites, and now I'm only attracted to them. It's not my fault. Sorry about that but I have to blow up our longstanding loving relationship."

This is not one of those things that "just happens." This is a person who made wedding vows and is now acting like a helpless victim of his loins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I don't know," the husband said. "I can't help it. I look around at the women at the gym and on my favorite porn sites, and now I'm only attracted to them. It's not my fault. Sorry about that but I have to blow up our longstanding loving relationship."

This is not one of those things that "just happens." This is a person who made wedding vows and is now acting like a helpless victim of his loins.

Whatever. When you marry someone, there's an expectation that you will put work into the marriage. That means, if you're inclined to nag at your spouse, to work on cutting back. That means if it's your inclination to yell and get mad in fights, to work on better communication skills. It means remembering to put the toilet seat down. It means DH leaving work earlier than he'd like to to pick up the kids from aftercare so that DW's career can recover a bit more since her maternity leave. It means not drinking in front of an alcoholic spouse. I'm just making these things up, but basically it's insanely easy to think of a hugely long list of things we do for our spouse because: it's healthier for our marriage, or it's a kind thing to do for them. You don't just get to operate in a vacuum in marriage. Work hard on your marriage. That means putting some effort into remaining attractive for your spouse. Some stuff is out of your control. Twenty pounds can sneak up quickly in old age. But OP's 50 pounds is just her doing what she wants to do without care of consequence to her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is difficult for many men to get an erection for a fat woman. It's not fair. It just is.

+1 That's why I married an Asian woman. They rarely get fat. I'm pushing 60 and can get wood for her at the snap of the fingers.

OP, what were your marriage vows? If I know I can give more specific advice.

Gross! Hope she takes your shallow wrinkled butt for all you have which is probably her plan anyway. Signed, 29 yr old lady for a non shallow old dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PSA to women: When you husband tells you that he still thinks you're "hot" after you put on 40 pounds, he's saying that because he knows that he has no choice. If you were honest, you'd know that you'd freak out and get angry if said you being fat was a turn-off. Stop insisting that your husbands "validate" your attractiveness when you know that you let yourself go. A minority of men are into fat women, but most are not and are basically shamed into accepting it because they literally have no other choice that wouldn't wreck their marriages.

Interesting. I was just at a water park with my family and cannot tell you how many thin men were paired up with overweight women - many of them young and unmarried. I realize this is totally beside the point, because OP's DH doesn't find overweight women attractive, but obviously many men do. It see it all the time.

As far as OP comparing her DH to her overweight friends' husbands, I don't think it's a fair comparison in that her DH was overweight as a child and has his own issues and insecurities that he carries from his childhood - he's got "baggage" that impacts how he reacts to OP's weight gain. If he experienced any self-loathing or anxiety (or any other negative feelings) around his weight as a child, he's going to project that on OP and it will impact his sexual life with her.

So yes, he was an ass but OP understands why. It's not just about her, he's got baggage that influences his own intense workout regimen, etc.

And how attractive were those thin men? Did they have great jobs or job prospects? Or were they still living with mom and dad playing video games all day?

Yeah, I'm a little skeptical of this story about a bunch of young, skinny guys being with much heavier girlfriends and wives. It comes across like wishful thinking. I'm sorry, but most men aren't into significantly overweight women. The nicer guys will suck it up when their wives put on weight because they don't want to be mean, and because most men get fat too, so they can't really judge. But most of them would prefer their wives to be fit.

I think the key part of that story was that it was at a water park