Distraught - don't know what to do next

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever done counseling together? I feel like it should be attempted before throwing in the towel completely. But of course I don't know the extent of his treatment of you.

We have been in counseling together three times.

I've worked so hard. Meanwhile, he's off cyber-sexing with some tricks. No thank you. I'm done.

[Anonymous]

This sucks OP. I was in your shoes a year ago, except I was 12 weeks pregnant. It was the worst time of my life. I'm pro-choice, and the idea of termination did cross my mind, but it was a very much wanted pregnancy and I had been dealing with repeated miscarriages and didn't want to miss a chance at a second child and what might be my last chance. I keot my pregnancy and have a 3 month old (and a 3 year old). Things between DH and I are not great and I have reason to believe he's still an asshole, but I don't regret keeping the pregnancy at all and I'm so happy I have her now. Not trying to change your mind and I might have chosen differently if I hadn't been trying so hard for a second child, but just wanted to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sucks OP. I was in your shoes a year ago, except I was 12 weeks pregnant. It was the worst time of my life. I'm pro-choice, and the idea of termination did cross my mind, but it was a very much wanted pregnancy and I had been dealing with repeated miscarriages and didn't want to miss a chance at a second child and what might be my last chance. I keot my pregnancy and have a 3 month old (and a 3 year old). Things between DH and I are not great and I have reason to believe he's still an asshole, but I don't regret keeping the pregnancy at all and I'm so happy I have her now. Not trying to change your mind and I might have chosen differently if I hadn't been trying so hard for a second child, but just wanted to share.

Are you two in counseling? Is your DH remorseful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sucks OP. I was in your shoes a year ago, except I was 12 weeks pregnant. It was the worst time of my life. I'm pro-choice, and the idea of termination did cross my mind, but it was a very much wanted pregnancy and I had been dealing with repeated miscarriages and didn't want to miss a chance at a second child and what might be my last chance. I keot my pregnancy and have a 3 month old (and a 3 year old). Things between DH and I are not great and I have reason to believe he's still an asshole, but I don't regret keeping the pregnancy at all and I'm so happy I have her now. Not trying to change your mind and I might have chosen differently if I hadn't been trying so hard for a second child, but just wanted to share.

Are you two in counseling? Is your DH remorseful?

No we're not, but we should be. I'm going to seriously suggest it to him. He seemed to be remorseful but I've recently caught him in a tricky situation so I don't know if he's being honest. I'm just about at the end of my rope with him. Lucky for him, he's a great dad, supportive, and there are no other major issues in our marriage.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I would likely have an abortion ASAP because leaving him would be so much easier w/one child than two.

If you do eventually divorce, you can get child support & maybe even alimony too.

Try speaking w/a divorce attorney or social worker to see what options + resources are available to someone in your specific circumstance.

Best of luck in whatever you choose to do.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He's not even coming clean in his coming clean. First he told me he'd been doing this for a year - today he said, no, only three months, but he'd thought about it for a year. Originally told me he found these women via Facebook. Today told me, okay, it was Tinder (!) but he'd originally opened an account "just to see how it worked."

We're out of the country on vacation. (Worst vacation ever, by the way.) I want to go back and get the ball rolling on something. He can't even be honest about how he fucked up. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was in a similar situation, with a one year old and pregnant and a student abroad with no family and no income. I considered abortion despite being a pro life Christian. I even made an appointment but didn't do it. I'm so glad I didn't. My son got a wonderful sister and they've been there for each other through years of heartbreak since the divorce 4 months after her birth. Now 10 years later they're happily thriving and I've remarried. Its been hard, but my kids are so much better for having a sibling to play with in their own little world. Please don't rush into a quick convenient way out. Your pregnancy could be a silver lining in the dark cloud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was in a similar situation, with a one year old and pregnant and a student abroad with no family and no income. I considered abortion despite being a pro life Christian. I even made an appointment but didn't do it. I'm so glad I didn't. My son got a wonderful sister and they've been there for each other through years of heartbreak since the divorce 4 months after her birth. Now 10 years later they're happily thriving and I've remarried. Its been hard, but my kids are so much better for having a sibling to play with in their own little world. Please don't rush into a quick convenient way out. Your pregnancy could be a silver lining in the dark cloud.

Honestly this is part of my reasoning not to have an abortion. If we divorce at least they will have each other. I don't know.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can relate, as I'm in a similar situation. Laying here in bed on DCUM b/c I can't sleep. Just found out tonight that "D"H is cheating. We just moved into a new house that we had built 3 months ago. We have a 2 yr old. I'm 6 wks pregnant and he doesn't even know yet. I can't stop crying for my 2 yr old and the life he won't have with a family. And being pregnant...I don't know if I can do it, but the thought of taking away DC's chance for a sibling is killing me.
I really feel for you. I can't believe my husband would do this to our son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Termination is really painful to think about, but I unfortunately think this is a much better decision than carrying on in this miserable marriage and bringing another child into the mix. Husband owns a rental property in the states - new tenants to move in later this summer - I've asked him to cancel so daughter and I can live somewhere I can work. I hope he will agree.

Yeah, I didn't suggest abortion lightly. I know it will be a difficult thing to do. But yet one more baby would really further anchor you to him.

I'm so sorry, OP. This whole situation must be unbearable. Hugs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can relate, as I'm in a similar situation. Laying here in bed on DCUM b/c I can't sleep. Just found out tonight that "D"H is cheating. We just moved into a new house that we had built 3 months ago. We have a 2 yr old. I'm 6 wks pregnant and he doesn't even know yet. I can't stop crying for my 2 yr old and the life he won't have with a family. And being pregnant...I don't know if I can do it, but the thought of taking away DC's chance for a sibling is killing me.
I really feel for you. I can't believe my husband would do this to our son.

Not Op but a different pp who's been there done that. I say we dump these mofos, pool our resources and get a big house for all of us and our kids. Share housework, share childcare, and babysit while the other goes out on fun dates!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can relate, as I'm in a similar situation. Laying here in bed on DCUM b/c I can't sleep. Just found out tonight that "D"H is cheating. We just moved into a new house that we had built 3 months ago. We have a 2 yr old. I'm 6 wks pregnant and he doesn't even know yet. I can't stop crying for my 2 yr old and the life he won't have with a family. And being pregnant...I don't know if I can do it, but the thought of taking away DC's chance for a sibling is killing me.
I really feel for you. I can't believe my husband would do this to our son.

Not Op but a different pp who's been there done that. I say we dump these mofos, pool our resources and get a big house for all of us and our kids. Share housework, share childcare, and babysit while the other goes out on fun dates!!

OP here - let's! Viva la sisterhood! Seriously, I'm just so sorry for us.

It just really really really really sucks. I'm not making any rash decisions about whether to stay or leave but I have decided to continue the pregnancy. The baby was planned and I developed PTSD after an abortion when I was in my late teens - I just can't go through that again. I'm so angry at my husband for putting me in this position. He's already met with a therapist and we're due to meet a couples therapist soon.

In the meantime, it's a roller coaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first thing you need to do is get a job.

And don't have any more babies until and unless your marriage is in stable footing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can relate, as I'm in a similar situation. Laying here in bed on DCUM b/c I can't sleep. Just found out tonight that "D"H is cheating. We just moved into a new house that we had built 3 months ago. We have a 2 yr old. I'm 6 wks pregnant and he doesn't even know yet. I can't stop crying for my 2 yr old and the life he won't have with a family. And being pregnant...I don't know if I can do it, but the thought of taking away DC's chance for a sibling is killing me.
I really feel for you. I can't believe my husband would do this to our son.

Not Op but a different pp who's been there done that. I say we dump these mofos, pool our resources and get a big house for all of us and our kids. Share housework, share childcare, and babysit while the other goes out on fun dates!!

OP here - let's! Viva la sisterhood! Seriously, I'm just so sorry for us.

It just really really really really sucks. I'm not making any rash decisions about whether to stay or leave but I have decided to continue the pregnancy. The baby was planned and I developed PTSD after an abortion when I was in my late teens - I just can't go through that again. I'm so angry at my husband for putting me in this position. He's already met with a therapist and we're due to meet a couples therapist soon.

In the meantime, it's a roller coaster.

I'm glad you're keeping the baby (no judgment if you decided otherwise though) and glad he's going to a therapist! I really hope you guys work out. And even if you don't, you won't regret that baby, I promise. I didn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm don't think having a second child with someone you don't trust sounds like an intelligent decision on your part.

Thanks. We TTC'd PRIOR to my knowing about this.

Prior to him lying about his drinking problem too? You said you haven't trusted him for quite a while now

Re-writing history in her mind, probably. I'm sure he has his problems, but I wouldn't be surprised if, in OP's mind since finding out about the flirtations, the bad stuff from the past is now exaggerated and the good stuff is now minimized.

OP here. I assure you, there's not much "good stuff" to draw on. We've been having serious problems since before our daughter was born.

So then why have a second child with him? I will never understand women like you. You go on and on about how your husband has been a jerk from the beginning and yet you choose to have 2 kids with him. And then can't figure out what to do. You made your bed, suck it up princess.

It's her child's SIBLING- that's why.
Even if you break up with DH, your child will forever have a sibling. I wouldn't give that up for anything.