At what age would/do you allow your DC to drink in your home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21-- my son doesn't think in gray areas. If I let him drink sooner- he will imagine that the law is "stupid" or that his parents are unethical lawbreakers.

It's better to hold the line (arbitrary as it might be).

If we're in Europe and the drinking age is lower- we may allow a drink and explain that the laws are different and it's okay.

Totally your choice, obviously, but if you live in MD or VA and want to, you can LEGALLY permit him to drink under certain circumstances.

[Anonymous]

21, with a taste here and there is my goal. I remember camping with a friend while he let his 15 year old drink a beer. My husband and I just glanced at each other and as soon as we were alone, we both jumped that we couldn't believe that he was letting the 15 y.o. have a beer. I know I seem very priss about this, but I think this overly permissive attitude about drinking is a huge problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When would/did you start to allow your DC to have an occasional alcoholic beverage (beer, wine, etc) to drink with you and other of-age relatives in your home? How did you come to your decision? When did your parents allow you to drink alcohol in their presence?

21 unless enlisted.

Huh?

You've never heard that saying before? Old enough to serve but not old enough to drink?

Pp here who said 21 unless enlisted, and that's not what I mean. I think that is an empty, stupid sentiment. My reasoning is if they're in the military they probably have the self-discipline to consume alcohol more responsibly than your average 18, 19, or 20 yo. But it's not "you're old enough to serve your company so here, have a beer." That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When would/did you start to allow your DC to have an occasional alcoholic beverage (beer, wine, etc) to drink with you and other of-age relatives in your home? How did you come to your decision? When did your parents allow you to drink alcohol in their presence?

21 unless enlisted.

Huh?

You've never heard that saying before? Old enough to serve but not old enough to drink?

Pp here who said 21 unless enlisted, and that's not what I mean. I think that is an empty, stupid sentiment. My reasoning is if they're in the military they probably have the self-discipline to consume alcohol more responsibly than your average 18, 19, or 20 yo. But it's not "you're old enough to serve your company so here, have a beer." That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

You're both saying the same thing. That is most people's point when they use that phrase -- if you're old enough to be counted on to serve your country responsibly in combat with a weapon, if you're considered old enough and wise enough to make a choice that could be as dangerous as enlisting in the military can be, if you're old enough to be trusted with the lives and safety of other soldiers in your unit... if you're old enough for those kinds of responsibilities and decisions then surely you're old enough to decide if you can or should have that drink.

[Anonymous]

This question gets a little tougher for me to answer with every year my kid ages (now 17).

My mantra to him throughout his youth is that of course it can be fun to do alcohol and drugs - there's a reason people have been consuming them throughout all of recorded history - but that he should put off trying them for as long as possible for a few reasons.

1. Your brain and body aren't fully cooked yet, and any substances you ingest before they are will be much more likely to have a lasting effect on your physiology.

2. You sometimes get into weird circumstances when you are under the influence, and you'll be much better equipped to handle them and protect yourself the older you are.

3. Right or wrong, it's illegal and you could suffer long-term ramifications if you are arrested.

So far, so good. But once he's gone off to college and then come home as a 19-year-old, I'm probably going to be willing to offer him a drink with his mother and me. I won't buy him a drink in public or provide booze for him and his buddies, but I also wouldn't insist he have water with dinner if we're drinking wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This question gets a little tougher for me to answer with every year my kid ages (now 17).

My mantra to him throughout his youth is that of course it can be fun to do alcohol and drugs - there's a reason people have been consuming them throughout all of recorded history - but that he should put off trying them for as long as possible for a few reasons.

1. Your brain and body aren't fully cooked yet, and any substances you ingest before they are will be much more likely to have a lasting effect on your physiology.

2. You sometimes get into weird circumstances when you are under the influence, and you'll be much better equipped to handle them and protect yourself the older you are.

3. Right or wrong, it's illegal and you could suffer long-term ramifications if you are arrested.

So far, so good. But once he's gone off to college and then come home as a 19-year-old, I'm probably going to be willing to offer him a drink with his mother and me. I won't buy him a drink in public or provide booze for him and his buddies, but I also wouldn't insist he have water with dinner if we're drinking wine.

Our oldest is 17 and we're about where you are. Does your son know any kids who drink regularly and/or smoke pot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question gets a little tougher for me to answer with every year my kid ages (now 17).

My mantra to him throughout his youth is that of course it can be fun to do alcohol and drugs - there's a reason people have been consuming them throughout all of recorded history - but that he should put off trying them for as long as possible for a few reasons.

1. Your brain and body aren't fully cooked yet, and any substances you ingest before they are will be much more likely to have a lasting effect on your physiology.

2. You sometimes get into weird circumstances when you are under the influence, and you'll be much better equipped to handle them and protect yourself the older you are.

3. Right or wrong, it's illegal and you could suffer long-term ramifications if you are arrested.

So far, so good. But once he's gone off to college and then come home as a 19-year-old, I'm probably going to be willing to offer him a drink with his mother and me. I won't buy him a drink in public or provide booze for him and his buddies, but I also wouldn't insist he have water with dinner if we're drinking wine.

Our oldest is 17 and we're about where you are. Does your son know any kids who drink regularly and/or smoke pot?

PP here, sure he does, I think it would be impossible for him not to. He doesn't hang out with kids when they are smoking, but he goes to parties where people are drinking. Lucky for us, he's seen some kids get pretty wasted and thought it looked so bad that it kind of put him off drinking. Also lucky for us, he's an endurance athlete and pretty self-motivated kid - now that he's gotten over the hump of seeing others use substances without feeling like he had to immediately join in, he's been able to make a semi-informed decision to pass on it for now. Unfortunately, his younger sibling - still in Middle School - seems to have much more of a "party" personality.

[Anonymous]

We allow our 13 year old a small glass (like 3 swallows) of wine on special occasions (Christmas, Birthday Dinners at home), she doesn't like it. I think its important to demystify it. My parents did the same and I had no issues with over drinking in college, in fact I still think of wine as just part of the overall dining experience. We have wine almost every night with dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here, sure he does, I think it would be impossible for him not to. He doesn't hang out with kids when they are smoking, but he goes to parties where people are drinking. Lucky for us, he's seen some kids get pretty wasted and thought it looked so bad that it kind of put him off drinking. Also lucky for us, he's an endurance athlete and pretty self-motivated kid - now that he's gotten over the hump of seeing others use substances without feeling like he had to immediately join in, he's been able to make a semi-informed decision to pass on it for now. Unfortunately, his younger sibling - still in Middle School - seems to have much more of a "party" personality.

Ours is very similar except he does football/basketball/baseball. He has a girlfriend and she hangs with a pretty good crowd too. Our daughter is 14 and she doesn't have the party gene (yet).

[Anonymous]

17/18. My parents are alcoholics/addicts and I remember sipping wine at 5/6 - just a sip, but I think this is totally, utterly inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21, with a taste here and there is my goal. I remember camping with a friend while he let his 15 year old drink a beer. My husband and I just glanced at each other and as soon as we were alone, we both jumped that we couldn't believe that he was letting the 15 y.o. have a beer. I know I seem very priss about this, but I think this overly permissive attitude about drinking is a huge problem.

15 seems young - maybe a cup with 1/3 or 1/2 I would be more comfortable with. (Though I don't know why.)

[Anonymous]

When they are allowed to drink under the law, even if I think the law is somewhat arbitrary, I believe in the rule of law in a democratic society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When they are allowed to drink under the law, even if I think the law is somewhat arbitrary, I believe in the rule of law in a democratic society.

Well, in many states, including Virginia, my child is allowed to drink on non alcohol selling, private premises with parental consent. Which means, he will be bale to drink with my permission, in my home, when I decide, and we will still be following the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When they are allowed to drink under the law, even if I think the law is somewhat arbitrary, I believe in the rule of law in a democratic society.

So, now then under specific circumstances? Because it's legal for you to allow them to drink in your presence at home and maybe at other private homes depending on where you live.

See post 16:58 of this thread for detail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When they are allowed to drink under the law, even if I think the law is somewhat arbitrary, I believe in the rule of law in a democratic society.

Well, in many states, including Virginia, my child is allowed to drink on non alcohol selling, private premises with parental consent. Which means, he will be bale to drink with my permission, in my home, when I decide, and we will still be following the law.

And in Wisconsin an underage kid can be served in a tavern with parents present and consenting.