how much to give as present for bar mitzvah?

[Anonymous]

Is this a happy birthday celebration/rite of passage or a business deal? Seriously.....this is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Sounds more like the parents impressing other parents rather than a gift for a child/young adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, 18? For such a major event? I always give like its a wedding.

Multiple of 18 means that you could also give $180 or $90. Yes, it is a major event and I am used to giving generously because of my own preference in matters of gift giving. I would be embarrassed to give less because to me it would signify that 1) I do not care about the event and the person, 2) I cannot afford to give more and 3) I am cheap.

However, give what you are comfortable giving and what you can afford.

What is shameful about having a limited budget for gifts?

[Anonymous]

It's been ages since I've attended a bar mitzvah. If it's a friend's child I would give probably $200. Never knew about the 18 thing but I would think they'd prefer 200 versus $180? If it's just a kid's friend it would probably be around $50. Since I'm just hearing about the 18 thing I'd totally be fine w/ $36, particularly if we're not personal friends with the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are nonJews commenting on what is appropriate? It is very important to treat a bar or bat mitzvah for what it is, a transition into full responsibility for carrying out all the mitzvot required of us. A bar or bat mitzvah shows Torah learning and shared his or her insights. You don't show appreciation for that with an iTunes card. The party is NOT a birthday party and in no way should resemble such. It is a major life cycle event of utmost importance. No child studies and learns for a birthday party No child has to prepare a dvar torah for a birthday party. A birthday gift is insulting. Yes, bonds and shekel savings are great gifts. Investing in their adulthood or Judaic gifts or gifts that reflect their tie to Israel ...

For those in communities where they have one every weekend, I would suggest a community pool. Our grade representative collects $100 from each parent in 6th grade and again in 7th (6th for the girls age 12 & 7th for the boys age 13). This way, we don't have constant obligations and the child receives one nice gift from her school friends.

I am astonished at the notion that a gift, any gift, but especially one given from the heart and with the best of intentions could be viewed as "insulting."

That is very odd. Is every single kid invited to every single party? i think not. Furthermore, people give what they want to give, if they want to give, it is a gift from the heart and nothing more. You make this sound like a business transaction....very strange approach.

[Anonymous]

900

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are nonJews commenting on what is appropriate? It is very important to treat a bar or bat mitzvah for what it is, a transition into full responsibility for carrying out all the mitzvot required of us. A bar or bat mitzvah shows Torah learning and shared his or her insights. You don't show appreciation for that with an iTunes card. The party is NOT a birthday party and in no way should resemble such. It is a major life cycle event of utmost importance. No child studies and learns for a birthday party No child has to prepare a dvar torah for a birthday party. A birthday gift is insulting. Yes, bonds and shekel savings are great gifts. Investing in their adulthood or Judaic gifts or gifts that reflect their tie to Israel ...

For those in communities where they have one every weekend, I would suggest a community pool. Our grade representative collects $100 from each parent in 6th grade and again in 7th (6th for the girls age 12 & 7th for the boys age 13). This way, we don't have constant obligations and the child receives one nice gift from her school friends.

I am astonished at the notion that a gift, any gift, but especially one given from the heart and with the best of intentions could be viewed as "insulting."

That is very odd. Is every single kid invited to every single party? i think not. Furthermore, people give what they want to give, if they want to give, it is a gift from the heart and nothing more. You make this sound like a business transaction....very strange approach.

Yes at my nieces Jewish Day School they are required to invite the whole class. They give a group gift. Much better than kids comparing who gave what to whom..and parents in constant gift shopping mode. There seems to be 2 or 3 a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because money is what's given, PP. The money is put into an account for college- the 13 yr old isn't going on a shopping spree or anything

Lots of the kids are given at least some of the $$ to spend immediately btw. My sister reports that her daughter and friends are suddenly really interested in going to the mall because they are flush with bat mitzah money. She also did make a pretty large donation to a charity of her choosing.

[Anonymous]

When I was bat mitzvahed I received a mix of money and gifts. Some of the gifts were things like jewelry and I also remember receiving books and a beach towel. It was all good. I was actually embarrassed and a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

This is an old thread, but I was just wondering what people gave these days, as we are invited to one, and I haven't been since the '80s.

I really love the story about the $18.18 from the little boy's own money. So sweet! (We will give a lot more than this since we are adult friends of the family, but I love it1)

[Anonymous]

We were told $30 or $36 for a classmate and $50 or $54 for a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the point of the event is to enrich the college savings account. Perhaps it becomes that for grandparents and close family members. But for the bus stop buddy it is a birthday gift..an itunes card..a book..earrings.

actually your wrong, the best gift you can give someone on a bar mitzvah is a check for money that is a multiple of 18. since most bar mitzvah's cost a LOT of mney to throw, some of that money goes to paying for the party the rest goes to the chid orto their college fund. gifts are not usually appropriate unless you are a close friend of the bar mitzvah boy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the point of the event is to enrich the college savings account. Perhaps it becomes that for grandparents and close family members. But for the bus stop buddy it is a birthday gift..an itunes card..a book..earrings.

actually your wrong, the best gift you can give someone on a bar mitzvah is a check for money that is a multiple of 18. since most bar mitzvah's cost a LOT of mney to throw, some of that money goes to paying for the party the rest goes to the chid orto their college fund. gifts are not usually appropriate unless you are a close friend of the bar mitzvah boy

Small gifts or a small amount of money is appropriate. Don't let any one tell you otherwise. Give what is appropriate to your circumstances and your relationship to the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the point of the event is to enrich the college savings account. Perhaps it becomes that for grandparents and close family members. But for the bus stop buddy it is a birthday gift..an itunes card..a book..earrings.

actually your wrong, the best gift you can give someone on a bar mitzvah is a check for money that is a multiple of 18. since most bar mitzvah's cost a LOT of mney to throw, some of that money goes to paying for the party the rest goes to the chid orto their college fund. gifts are not usually appropriate unless you are a close friend of the bar mitzvah boy

Small gifts or a small amount of money is appropriate. Don't let any one tell you otherwise. Give what is appropriate to your circumstances and your relationship to the child.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because money is what's given, PP. The money is put into an account for college- the 13 yr old isn't going on a shopping spree or anything immediate.

Gift grab
As a standard rule it is rude to inquire how much a gift cost, so money is not a nice gift. As it is a friends child, an this obviously not a culture or custom you are engrossed in, I think you could follow the more elegant custom of giving a present.
A child might remember who gave what gift, but not who gave what amount.

Wow, you clearly have no concept of how bar/bat mitzvahs work. You give money. As the PP said, it goes into an account for college. You are helping celebrate this child becoming a man/woman and helping pay for their education (even in a small way) which is a major value in Judaism. Please don't impose your own cultural values (money is not a nice gift) on someone else's tradition.

If you don't want the cultural values of others imposed, then you shouldn't invite anyone from outside of the jewish faith to the event. I personally find giving cash to be extremely tacky as do many.