My wife wants to quit her job... help me get comfortable with it

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your wife will be a lot happier once she finds a better job, OP.

[Anonymous]

What is your wife's field? Can't help on the hiring if we don't know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - Thanks for the update. Your wife doesn't seem very bright. Gotta wonder why you married her.

He got tired of fucking yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - Thanks for the update. Your wife doesn't seem very bright. Gotta wonder why you married her.

He got tired of fucking yours?

Possibly, but that doesn't explain why OP would marry and reproduce with someone who is not very bright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - Thanks for the update. Your wife doesn't seem very bright. Gotta wonder why you married her.

wow, why would you say that? that is really mean and horrible. geez!!!

I have not read the other posts as I was depressed after reading just the first page of replies.

OP - you sound like a thoughtful husband who cares about the future of your family. Im a former SAHM - left the workforce for 5 years, was fortunate enough to find a great (professional) PT job that was 5 mins from my home. That parlayed (sp?) me into a FT stint with a different company - again it was very close to home which was importnat to me due to having young children who needed me once they got off the bus. Your wife spending an hour on the road one way is exhausting and bad for her health - and bad for your family. if she liked her job, it would make it more palatable but she hates it AND its far away AND she is only brining home $1K?

She needs to keep her current job and look for a new one asap. DO NOT LET HER QUIT he current job, she's far less attractive to potential employers if she's "between jobs".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: DO NOT LET HER QUIT he current job, she's far less attractive to potential employers if she's "between jobs".

That's what all of the recruiters told me. I didn't care, quit my job, stayed home for a month, traveled for another month and found a new job in a matter of days after posting my resume on monster. And I'm making 6 figures and am a foreigner with an accent.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a guy who has his head on straight. I'm an employed woman and those are exactly the reasons I won't leave my job.

One thing though, the way I see it, your wife is actually netting more per year. The 8k she puts into retirement certainly counts as income though you two can't spend it. I don't think she should quit her job unless you two can budget to contribute to both retirement accounts from one paycheck.

Her being out of the workforce and not building a retirement fund is double jeopardy and does not serve her best interests financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe focus on your kids and how having mom around full time will be great for them? I find it a little strange that OP wrote out his extensive post including numbered bullets and the net benefit of having his children cared for by their mother instead of a hired caregiver wasn't part of the equation.

Maybe because some of us don't consider that enough of a benefit to list?

Really? I am a professional working woman with advanced education and I find this statement offensive. Even I can see "benefits" to my being the one to care for my child day in and day out. This is why I created a maternity leave for myself that allowed me to unplug 100% from work. It's why I switched jobs so I could have the flexibility to maximize my time with my child. I've weighed the benefits of me being a full time or part time SAHM against the benefits of having my son cared for by people who are trained in early childhood, and the financial opportunity and security I can create for my family by being a part of the workforce.

Why can't we all just admit and accept that each family, each husband and wife, have to decide what THEIR priorities are, what is right for THEIR family, what will make THEM happy, and then move boldly forward with the choices they've made and work together to make the best life they can for their family, regardless? Do all of you making snarky, critical comments about others choices accept such snark and criticism when it is directed at you? Of course not. If you want to share with OP your RESPECTFUL opinion/feedback about the choices you've made and how they work for you, so that he can consider different perspectives, great. Otherwise, do please shut up. It is so tiresome to see threads like this, especially one so respectfully and thoughtfully written as OP's, devolve into this kind of childish, small-minded, and petty pablum.

Well said. Thank you....from another professional working mom who can see both sides of the issue and respect both choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a guy who has his head on straight. I'm an employed woman and those are exactly the reasons I won't leave my job.

Did you reply to my 19:46 message? If so, I'm a female with 2 kids, but am quite confident about my professional skills and very good at selling myself on the job market.

[Anonymous]

I left the workforce to SAH and re-entered without problems. I know several people who have done similarly, although I know others who are at sea. It can be done. I would concentrate on ways to stay career-minded during the SAH years - keeping up skills, professional networking, some coursework, freelance jobs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a guy who has his head on straight. I'm an employed woman and those are exactly the reasons I won't leave my job.

One thing though, the way I see it, your wife is actually netting more per year. The 8k she puts into retirement certainly counts as income though you two can't spend it. I don't think she should quit her job unless you two can budget to contribute to both retirement accounts from one paycheck.

Her being out of the workforce and not building a retirement fund is double jeopardy and does not serve her best interests financially.

I don't think he cares...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a guy who has his head on straight. I'm an employed woman and those are exactly the reasons I won't leave my job.

One thing though, the way I see it, your wife is actually netting more per year. The 8k she puts into retirement certainly counts as income though you two can't spend it. I don't think she should quit her job unless you two can budget to contribute to both retirement accounts from one paycheck.

Her being out of the workforce and not building a retirement fund is double jeopardy and does not serve her best interests financially.

I don't think he cares...

OP here. I'm not so worried about the retirement. We are doing quite well there, and while we can always do better, I'm in a good spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Came to close the loop, since I hate it when people ask for advice and then never tell us what happens. It's like watching a movie and leaving before the ending.

In any case, talked it over with the wife and we agreed that there's two basic drivers here - 1. She hates her job with the fury of a thousand fire ants, 2. She would like to spend more time with the kids. But on balance, the real reason she wants to jump off a cliff is #1, and we decided that before we go and quit - and perhaps do something that is somewhat irreversible, we should at least feel like we've exhausted other avenues. Moreover, digging deeper, its clear the commute and general inflexibility of her job is whats driving the frustration.

With that, she's going to double down on looking for something closer in to NWDC (anyone hiring? ) and we'll see how that goes. If in a few months we are still in the same boat, we'll reassess.

For the most part the responses on this thread were thoughtful and I just want to say thanks for those of you that took the time to write something out. Clearly, it isn't a cut and dry decision - and boy is it a thorny topic apparently - but the context from others was helpful in framing my thought process and trying to better understand the root problems.

Thanks.

OP, that's a very well reasoned decision. Good luck to you guys!