Families would rather have daughters than sons

[Anonymous]

I do think there is a perception that, once grown/married, a girl will typically remain closer to her family and a boy is more likely to be closer to his wife's family. I am not sure why that stereotype exists, but that is the perception. So I think some people prematurely grieve a future they think is less likely to exist if they have a boy.

[Anonymous]

After suffering two miscarriages, which I realize people have had more, I was just happy to hear that the baby was doing great. I wouldn't trade my boys for anything.

[Anonymous]

Most people want both.

[Anonymous]

We have four adult daughters. Three are married. I will offer two comments to previous posters based on our experience.

1. It’s true that teen girls and sometimes adult daughters sometimes clash with their mothers in a way that boys don’t. We did with a couple of ours. But it’s typically temporary so long as the mother is a reasonably decent parent. A girl grows up and realizes that at times she was a PITA and that her mother did her best.

2. We see way, way more of our daughters and our grandchildren than their husbands’ families do. The husbands all get along with their families just fine but adult men just don’t make the same effort to see their families that women do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the perception is that girls are easier to manage behaviorally. Im not saying that it’s true, but that is what people think.

Ask any teacher. Girls are easier to manage than boys. Boys can make up for it by being held back a year in school though.

The girls might be quieter but they are being ridiculously cruel and toxic to the other girls around them all day long with the looks, comments, gossip, sneering, put down, and sarcasm. I have 2 boys and 1 girl and the boys are infinitely easier and nicer to each other. The teachers are ignoring what they either don't see or claim not to see.

All the girls are being toxic to all the girls?

Enough of the girls are being toxic to other girls that it creates a lot of social havoc. Don't act like you have no idea what girls are like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have four adult daughters. Three are married. I will offer two comments to previous posters based on our experience.

1. It’s true that teen girls and sometimes adult daughters sometimes clash with their mothers in a way that boys don’t. We did with a couple of ours. But it’s typically temporary so long as the mother is a reasonably decent parent. A girl grows up and realizes that at times she was a PITA and that her mother did her best.

2. We see way, way more of our daughters and our grandchildren than their husbands’ families do. The husbands all get along with their families just fine but adult men just don’t make the same effort to see their families that women do.

As I grew up and became a mom I realized how self centered and absorbed my mom was. We rarely talk as I don’t meet her needs.

[Anonymous]

I find that when a mom has only boys, they really really want a girl. I have not found the reverse. I think for moms, bonding with a daughter is different than with their boys. I know several families that only have boys,

I have one of each, FWIW, and I'm from a family of 3 girls and 1 boy.

Also, I'm from a culture where it used to be that boys were valued over girls. When my brother was finally born, apparently my mom and grandmother were super happy. But recently my elderly mother said to my oldest sister that she's glad that she has daughters because it's the daughters who seem to take care of the parents more than the son (that's the case in my family at least). My brother is quite useless. Some fine "only son" he turned out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 boys (9 and 11). They are rambunctious at times, but keeping them in sports and kicking them out of the house to ride bikes or jump on the trampoline helps with that.

They are also really cuddly, love reading, do well in school, help with laundry and chores (granted with a billion reminders), and are family-oriented. They have tons of friends, but also still want to do stuff with us like watch movies and play board games. One has ADHD, which can be challenging at times, but is improving with age and medication.

I’m not sure whether this will change at some point during the teen years, but I know teen girls can be tough too.

I think the thing that may make some parents prefer a girl is that there are a subset of boys that can be really wild, behaviorally challenging, struggle in school, etc. Not that this doesn’t happen with girls, but it seems more likely in boys (also higher incidence of neurodivergence). But plenty of boys are also really sweet kids and if you end up with those they are great.

Teen girls can be tough, to be sure, but they remain cuddly in their teen years. At least mine is (at 17). She hugs me a lot. Not so my almost 21 year old DS. He stopped cuddling at like 9.

They are just different. One is not really better than the other. They each have their challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the perception is that girls are easier to manage behaviorally. Im not saying that it’s true, but that is what people think.

Ask any teacher. Girls are easier to manage than boys. Boys can make up for it by being held back a year in school though.

The girls might be quieter but they are being ridiculously cruel and toxic to the other girls around them all day long with the looks, comments, gossip, sneering, put down, and sarcasm. I have 2 boys and 1 girl and the boys are infinitely easier and nicer to each other. The teachers are ignoring what they either don't see or claim not to see.

All the girls are being toxic to all the girls?

Enough of the girls are being toxic to other girls that it creates a lot of social havoc. Don't act like you have no idea what girls are like.

Don’t act like all girls act the same way. You are as bad as the people who say all boys are bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have four adult daughters. Three are married. I will offer two comments to previous posters based on our experience.

1. It’s true that teen girls and sometimes adult daughters sometimes clash with their mothers in a way that boys don’t. We did with a couple of ours. But it’s typically temporary so long as the mother is a reasonably decent parent. A girl grows up and realizes that at times she was a PITA and that her mother did her best.

2. We see way, way more of our daughters and our grandchildren than their husbands’ families do. The husbands all get along with their families just fine but adult men just don’t make the same effort to see their families that women do.

As I grew up and became a mom I realized how self centered and absorbed my mom was. We rarely talk as I don’t meet her needs.

Yea, well, that’s too bad but very few of the women I know have that kind of relationship with their daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the perception is that girls are easier to manage behaviorally. Im not saying that it’s true, but that is what people think.

Ask any teacher. Girls are easier to manage than boys. Boys can make up for it by being held back a year in school though.

The girls might be quieter but they are being ridiculously cruel and toxic to the other girls around them all day long with the looks, comments, gossip, sneering, put down, and sarcasm. I have 2 boys and 1 girl and the boys are infinitely easier and nicer to each other. The teachers are ignoring what they either don't see or claim not to see.

All the girls are being toxic to all the girls?

Enough of the girls are being toxic to other girls that it creates a lot of social havoc. Don't act like you have no idea what girls are like.

Don’t act like all girls act the same way. You are as bad as the people who say all boys are bad.

I have both. Do you? And all the mothers of sons know full well what women are like.

[Anonymous]

I was scared of having a daughter but thats because of my own issues with my mom. I have super close female friends and prefer female company. I felt- and still feel- a lot of pressure to not repeat the unsupportive cycle. Added that my daughter is mixed so it does add a layer of complexity. My son has my DH for reference but my daughter has no female family members of color available for support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the perception is that girls are easier to manage behaviorally. Im not saying that it’s true, but that is what people think.

It’s is hard to broad brush a whole gender but this is the answer. People think girls will be calmer and easier. Depending on the family and cultural dynamics, mothers likely think girls will eventually help them with female dominated labor. Helping with cooking and cleaning, eventually elder care for grandparents. My close friend is going through this now. Her grandfather is living with her parents and needs a lot of help. She stops by every weekend to give her mother a break, her two brothers only really come around for holidays. In my own family it is the women that organize and cook every single holiday meal.

I know that this isn’t the case for every family, but I think this dynamic is common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think there is a perception that, once grown/married, a girl will typically remain closer to her family and a boy is more likely to be closer to his wife's family. I am not sure why that stereotype exists, but that is the perception. So I think some people prematurely grieve a future they think is less likely to exist if they have a boy.

The stereotype exists because so many men leave the mental load to their wives. So the wives plan holidays, family dinners, etc. around what suits her family, her preferences, her traditions. I told DH I will make plans with my family and he can make plans with his. Guess who we see more of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the perception is that girls are easier to manage behaviorally. Im not saying that it’s true, but that is what people think.

It’s is hard to broad brush a whole gender but this is the answer. People think girls will be calmer and easier. Depending on the family and cultural dynamics, mothers likely think girls will eventually help them with female dominated labor. Helping with cooking and cleaning, eventually elder care for grandparents. My close friend is going through this now. Her grandfather is living with her parents and needs a lot of help. She stops by every weekend to give her mother a break, her two brothers only really come around for holidays. In my own family it is the women that organize and cook every single holiday meal.

I know that this isn’t the case for every family, but I think this dynamic is common.

I don't know anyone my age (30s) who is interested in having girls so that they can do more labor or elder care? i personally wanted girls because I'm girly. I guess I dreamed of doing little girl hair, playing dolls again, and raising strong women. I didn't know anything about boys. I have 2 DD, 1 DS. I'm raising all 3 to know how to decorate for holidays and cook holiday meals. I don't believe in women doing more chores. My DH does 50% of the chores around here and is our main cook, so I don' think my kids will think that men shouldn't do work.