Main reason for divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you ask a divorced couple, you're likely to get different answers from the husband and wife. Neither was satisfied, but for other reasons.

What we’ve found is that the ex wife can ID the primary underlying relationship problem(s), whereas the ex husband can or will only list secondary or tertiary fall out.

So one party knows the cause & effect, whereas the other stays focused on the effects but not their driver(s). Thus nothing improves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you think the main reason for divorce is? If you exclude cheating.

Men.

[Anonymous]

Manchildren

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotional abuse and lack of help parenting when both spouses work full time.

It is the same reason in every divorce I know personally.

what is emotional abuse? and what is the difference between that and just difficult conversations?
My (ex)husband throws around that term, when he is just a completely avoidant personality who gets easily panicked by serious, difficult conversations, like when the kids are having serious behavioral or disobedient problems that he'd prefer just to ignore.

I equate emotional abuse to verbally insulting, calling people names, saying you're stupid, worthless, fat, ugly, etc.
I've gotten the vibe from others that they equate emotional abuse to not showering them with positive affection on a daily basis or forgetting/ignoring household tasks.
Wide range here.

and how would "lack of help parenting" ever get better after getting a divorce and having a parent move out of the house? kids don't want an absent parent. honestly, I've found the 20% my ex husband did is better than the 0% he does now.

I have never heard of emotional abuse being "lack of showering affection"--never heard of such a thing.
public humilation is emotional abuse
name calling is emotional abuse
stonewalling and ignoring someone is emotional abuse
there are tons of actual examples...your "description" minimizes the term. I am talking about actual emotional abuse.
also extreme controlling behavior is financial abuse and can be emotional abuse in some ways

for some men, they actually do more post divorce with parenting because they are forced to do it if they want 50/50 custody.

I still do most of the parenting, but he does something divorced as opposed to NOTHING while married. Same for three other women I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotional abuse and lack of help parenting when both spouses work full time.

It is the same reason in every divorce I know personally.

what is emotional abuse? and what is the difference between that and just difficult conversations?
My (ex)husband throws around that term, when he is just a completely avoidant personality who gets easily panicked by serious, difficult conversations, like when the kids are having serious behavioral or disobedient problems that he'd prefer just to ignore.

I equate emotional abuse to verbally insulting, calling people names, saying you're stupid, worthless, fat, ugly, etc.
I've gotten the vibe from others that they equate emotional abuse to not showering them with positive affection on a daily basis or forgetting/ignoring household tasks.
Wide range here.

and how would "lack of help parenting" ever get better after getting a divorce and having a parent move out of the house? kids don't want an absent parent. honestly, I've found the 20% my ex husband did is better than the 0% he does now.

You defined verbal abuse which can be a component of emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse exists where there is a significant imbalance in power within the couple. When one party is modulating their behavior to avoid punishment from the other and is triangulating around someone else’s moods and doesn’t have autonomy to make decisions big and small and when reality is defined by only the power person. It’s not about not having your ass kissed.

is it a perceived or actual power imbalance? what kind of punishment is doled out?
not making a decision- meaning does 1 person decide how every dollar is spent and every child decision is made?
what automony is taken away?

I am not the person you responded to...but yeah I made six figures and was not allowed to go to the grocery store. I was not allowed to buy a $25 baby item. I had ZERO autonomy. I also was forced to move multiple times across states on his whim. That is beyond emotional abuse, but there was that, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you think the main reason for divorce is? If you exclude cheating.

Boredom or selfishness.

No doubt about it with "no fault" divorces now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotional abuse and lack of help parenting when both spouses work full time.

It is the same reason in every divorce I know personally.

what is emotional abuse? and what is the difference between that and just difficult conversations?
My (ex)husband throws around that term, when he is just a completely avoidant personality who gets easily panicked by serious, difficult conversations, like when the kids are having serious behavioral or disobedient problems that he'd prefer just to ignore.

I equate emotional abuse to verbally insulting, calling people names, saying you're stupid, worthless, fat, ugly, etc.
I've gotten the vibe from others that they equate emotional abuse to not showering them with positive affection on a daily basis or forgetting/ignoring household tasks.
Wide range here.

and how would "lack of help parenting" ever get better after getting a divorce and having a parent move out of the house? kids don't want an absent parent. honestly, I've found the 20% my ex husband did is better than the 0% he does now.

You defined verbal abuse which can be a component of emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse exists where there is a significant imbalance in power within the couple. When one party is modulating their behavior to avoid punishment from the other and is triangulating around someone else’s moods and doesn’t have autonomy to make decisions big and small and when reality is defined by only the power person. It’s not about not having your ass kissed.

is it a perceived or actual power imbalance? what kind of punishment is doled out?
not making a decision- meaning does 1 person decide how every dollar is spent and every child decision is made?
what automony is taken away?

It’s like having to develop a 6th sense to figure out if DH is in a good mood or bad mood today. If good mood, how can you keep him in a good mood? If bad mood, God help you. And for the record, he’s in a bad mood most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Screens addiction, mental abuse, cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you ask a divorced couple, you're likely to get different answers from the husband and wife. Neither was satisfied, but for other reasons.

What we’ve found is that the ex wife can ID the primary underlying relationship problem(s), whereas the ex husband can or will only list secondary or tertiary fall out.

So one party knows the cause & effect, whereas the other stays focused on the effects but not their driver(s). Thus nothing improves.

That’s really interesting. I’ve never heard it described that way but that is my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotional abuse and lack of help parenting when both spouses work full time.

It is the same reason in every divorce I know personally.

what is emotional abuse? and what is the difference between that and just difficult conversations?
My (ex)husband throws around that term, when he is just a completely avoidant personality who gets easily panicked by serious, difficult conversations, like when the kids are having serious behavioral or disobedient problems that he'd prefer just to ignore.

I equate emotional abuse to verbally insulting, calling people names, saying you're stupid, worthless, fat, ugly, etc.
I've gotten the vibe from others that they equate emotional abuse to not showering them with positive affection on a daily basis or forgetting/ignoring household tasks.
Wide range here.

and how would "lack of help parenting" ever get better after getting a divorce and having a parent move out of the house? kids don't want an absent parent. honestly, I've found the 20% my ex husband did is better than the 0% he does now.

You defined verbal abuse which can be a component of emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse exists where there is a significant imbalance in power within the couple. When one party is modulating their behavior to avoid punishment from the other and is triangulating around someone else’s moods and doesn’t have autonomy to make decisions big and small and when reality is defined by only the power person. It’s not about not having your ass kissed.

is it a perceived or actual power imbalance? what kind of punishment is doled out?
not making a decision- meaning does 1 person decide how every dollar is spent and every child decision is made?
what automony is taken away?

It’s like having to develop a 6th sense to figure out if DH is in a good mood or bad mood today. If good mood, how can you keep him in a good mood? If bad mood, God help you. And for the record, he’s in a bad mood most of the time.

That’s my life. It’s very hard to describe it to outsiders. One day it’s “our salary” and I’m criticized for asking if it’s ok to spend money on x because of course I can and why am I making it a thing? And the next day I’m standing in front of fruit at the grocery store wondering what price and type of fruit won’t have my spending challenged and if it’s ok to get blueberries that are $5.99 if I also need to get dog food that week and and a bottle of conditioner because that will make this week look way more expensive than last week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotional abuse and lack of help parenting when both spouses work full time.

It is the same reason in every divorce I know personally.

what is emotional abuse? and what is the difference between that and just difficult conversations?
My (ex)husband throws around that term, when he is just a completely avoidant personality who gets easily panicked by serious, difficult conversations, like when the kids are having serious behavioral or disobedient problems that he'd prefer just to ignore.

I equate emotional abuse to verbally insulting, calling people names, saying you're stupid, worthless, fat, ugly, etc.
I've gotten the vibe from others that they equate emotional abuse to not showering them with positive affection on a daily basis or forgetting/ignoring household tasks.
Wide range here.

and how would "lack of help parenting" ever get better after getting a divorce and having a parent move out of the house? kids don't want an absent parent. honestly, I've found the 20% my ex husband did is better than the 0% he does now.

I have never heard of emotional abuse being "lack of showering affection"--never heard of such a thing.
public humilation is emotional abuse
name calling is emotional abuse
stonewalling and ignoring someone is emotional abuse
there are tons of actual examples...your "description" minimizes the term. I am talking about actual emotional abuse.
also extreme controlling behavior is financial abuse and can be emotional abuse in some ways

for some men, they actually do more post divorce with parenting because they are forced to do it if they want 50/50 custody.

I still do most of the parenting, but he does something divorced as opposed to NOTHING while married. Same for three other women I know.

Add the silent treatment, deployed in public or private

And look up “coercive control”

[Anonymous]

Emotional abuse is so hard to explain to someone who has never been in such a relationship. You sound crazy or hypersensitive. Survivors of it often take years to believe their own narrative.
Best resource is this
https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotional abuse and lack of help parenting when both spouses work full time.

It is the same reason in every divorce I know personally.

what is emotional abuse? and what is the difference between that and just difficult conversations?
My (ex)husband throws around that term, when he is just a completely avoidant personality who gets easily panicked by serious, difficult conversations, like when the kids are having serious behavioral or disobedient problems that he'd prefer just to ignore.

I equate emotional abuse to verbally insulting, calling people names, saying you're stupid, worthless, fat, ugly, etc.
I've gotten the vibe from others that they equate emotional abuse to not showering them with positive affection on a daily basis or forgetting/ignoring household tasks.
Wide range here.

and how would "lack of help parenting" ever get better after getting a divorce and having a parent move out of the house? kids don't want an absent parent. honestly, I've found the 20% my ex husband did is better than the 0% he does now.

You defined verbal abuse which can be a component of emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse exists where there is a significant imbalance in power within the couple. When one party is modulating their behavior to avoid punishment from the other and is triangulating around someone else’s moods and doesn’t have autonomy to make decisions big and small and when reality is defined by only the power person. It’s not about not having your ass kissed.

Emotional and/or psychological abuse is the constant destabilizing behavior patterns by the abuser - stonewalling, gaslighting, deflecting, attacking, excuses, belittling, lying, omitting, passive aggressive.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you find yourself trying to have a “discussion” with someone and, instead of problem solving together or compromising or resolving the conflict, they change the subject, bring up the past, accuse you of something else, get defensive and never resolve the conflict, then you are likely “speaking” with someone with real issues. Possibly an emotional abuser if they usually do this.

Keep a logbook and don’t get lost in the fog.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Frog in pot of water being boiled.