Dislike DS’s GF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if she had two kids AND was living with her parents AND had not job. 😂

+1

It could be a lot worse. You said she was sweet, attractive, apparently has a good relationship with her family, and she has a college degree. No other negative things mentioned. Yes it is weird that she doesn’t work, but there are a lot of worse things I can think of (especially at her age).

[Anonymous]

That girl (and all people) need to get a job. Everyone needs to understand and appreciate the value of work. and the link between work and money earned that you use to pay bills and live life.
Entitled, non-workers often feel like others should take care of them and have little appreciation for the effort needed to maintain a good job to pay bills.

This could end up with her being a "unfulfilled" 40 year old mom who leaves for an affair because she just doesn't appreciate her breadwinner husband.
I'm in this situation as the breadwinner mom with a manchild exhusband who values his mistress over all the sacrifices I've made for our family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That girl (and all people) need to get a job. Everyone needs to understand and appreciate the value of work. and the link between work and money earned that you use to pay bills and live life.
Entitled, non-workers often feel like others should take care of them and have little appreciation for the effort needed to maintain a good job to pay bills.

This could end up with her being a "unfulfilled" 40 year old mom who leaves for an affair because she just doesn't appreciate her breadwinner husband.
I'm in this situation as the breadwinner mom with a manchild exhusband who values his mistress over all the sacrifices I've made for our family

to clarify- it is totally fine and good to become a SAHM, AFTER you have experienced the work world and understand/appreciate workers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is 24, our second boy out of four, and our fifth is a girl. He’s been dating a girl who is the same age that he met online almost a year ago and she is a sweet and very attractive young lady, rather introverted, but she doesn’t have any ambition or drive.

She doesn’t have a job and she lives with her parents. She did attend and did graduate from our in state university that’s ranked well (as a commuter) majoring in something art related while living at home. My son graduated in 2023 from CMU with a degree in Computer Science and landed an amazing job later that year and has his own apartment and lives alone. He is a very extroverted, and bright. She spends most of the time hanging out at his house waiting for him to get off work and he has recently told me that she wants to move in with him.

DS has said she doesn’t plan to work but he told me that they want to get married in the future, but, considering her future plans, I’m not sure I want them to get married. Is there anything I can say or do to discourage marriage atleast for now or do I just let DS come to his own senses? How can I tak to my son about this ?

Personally I am fine with my kids having a SAHM so I don't really see the issue. At least she went to college. I don't think there is anything to say.

Most are "fine with our kids having a SAHP", I was one since my early 30s. However, I had a career until we had kids. That is very different than sitting around doing nothing at age 22+ once out of college.
also, yes, I manage the house 100% (my spouse has no clue how to fix things or who to call). But she should at least have an art studio (to be painting/drawing and trying to sell her work or teaching it to kids/others). I do think wanting to "do nothing at 24/25" is a very strange thing

[Anonymous]

I understand how you feel OP.

I am also underwhelmed by my DD’s boyfriend (ie, his personality, health habits, dysfunctional family), but we do not get a vote.

It is really hard.

[Anonymous]

We have this situation in our family. She hasn’t ever worked, nor does she contribute in other ways, and the marriage is not great. It’s disingenuous to compare someone who has never worked, before kids or marriage, nor has educational or other goals, to a stay at home parent. It’s more likely she has an untreated mental health issue or something similarly disabling.

But there’s not much you can do. You could advise getting a prenup.

[Anonymous]

I doubt they’ll have kids—someone like this can’t handle them. She fits the profile of a young autistic adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 24, our second boy out of four, and our fifth is a girl. He’s been dating a girl who is the same age that he met online almost a year ago and she is a sweet and very attractive young lady, rather introverted, but she doesn’t have any ambition or drive.

She doesn’t have a job and she lives with her parents. She did attend and did graduate from our in state university that’s ranked well (as a commuter) majoring in something art related while living at home. My son graduated in 2023 from CMU with a degree in Computer Science and landed an amazing job later that year and has his own apartment and lives alone. He is a very extroverted, and bright. She spends most of the time hanging out at his house waiting for him to get off work and he has recently told me that she wants to move in with him.

DS has said she doesn’t plan to work but he told me that they want to get married in the future, but, considering her future plans, I’m not sure I want them to get married. Is there anything I can say or do to discourage marriage atleast for now or do I just let DS come to his own senses? How can I tak to my son about this ?

You seem really judgmental and kinda sexist against women, OP.

[Anonymous]

"I'm not sure I want them to get married"

Land the helicopter, #boymom.

[Anonymous]

Most people not just parents but friends, siblings and even internet posters are inherently against young couples for one reason or another. One of the main reason for young relationships to fail.

[Anonymous]

Same people would be asking in five years, what's wrong with him, why he is still single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks like he wants your life mom.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either you were a SAHM or your 5 kids were raised by daycare/nannies. Sounds like your son either wants a SAHM too or wants his kids raised differently. How is she as a person? How does she treat your son?

This. That’s all that matters. They might be about that tradwife life. If they are both on board, and she is a good person who treats him well - then mazel tov!

[Anonymous]

Most of us parents are so used to fix and control things for kids for 18+ years that letting go becomes really difficult even though we don't want our parents or in-laws to meddle in our business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either you were a SAHM or your 5 kids were raised by daycare/nannies. Sounds like your son either wants a SAHM too or wants his kids raised differently. How is she as a person? How does she treat your son?

This. That’s all that matters. They might be about that tradwife life. If they are both on board, and she is a good person who treats him well - then mazel tov!

^ This is a valid point. For all OP knows, this may be exactly what her son wants - a wife who doesn't have any interest in working and who essentially waits for his return from the office every day. Add in some kids and they may see that as the perfect marriage.

In any case, OP, you don't have any control over this. None. If your son approaches you and asks your opinion be honest with him. But otherwise it's not your decision to make or try and influence.

FWIW I have a relative with a university degree and a high-paying professional career who married someone who didn't even have a GED, worked in retail and lived in the spare room of a relative. They married within a year of meeting and began having kids right away (now working on #5) and claim to be blissfully happy. So be it. To each their own. (FWIW, the person with the career is the woman and the man worked retail.)