Anonymous wrote:OP: I really do understand the concern mat of you have here about how tough/difficult our blended family situation is. But we know, this is not new to both me and my husband. We both grew up in complicated families, and it isn’t what we wanted for our kids, but things like divorce and selection happen and life doesn’t always go the way you plan. We know our family situation isn’t the most ideal. But, it’s what’s best for us. Lots of blended families have issues but a lot don’t. DH’s parents were divorced, and his father remarried twice. He has a much younger har-sister with whom he has a great relationship, and his mother also remarried. He also has a great relationship with his stepparents and step siblings and hasn’t been any issues. My parents did not get divorced and wanted to stay together for my younger siblings and I, but they separated and lived in different homes for years at a time, many, many times and had a bad relationship. Considering how awful and terrified I felt waking up at 3 a.m. to them drunk, screaming and arguing, and being only eight years old having to comfort and calm down my crying two and three year old younger siblings, plus seeing how unhappy they were in their marriage and how that affected the way they treated me and my three younger siblings, I could not make my kids grow up in a house with parents who were not happily married.
Ex-H and I made the stupid decision to get married young (early 20s) and we were just not compatible. We couldn’t stay married, and our kids are better off with us divorced. At the time, I tried everything in my power to fix our
marriage and thought about staying for the kids, but looking back at my childhood, I knew that wasn’t the right decision. It’s not my place to speak on DH’a previous marriage, but he went through similar. My husband and I’s happiness and well-being is just as important as our kids’, and we’ve both tried to do everything we can to make sure our kids feel comfortable. Having more kids is something we decided to do because we wanted kids together, that’s really it. This is the only life our three daughters remember/have known, and they aren’t missing out on anything. All three have parents who love them very much much, and there isn’t any drama between ex’s. If my two teens were unhappy with our family situation, trust me, they would have already told me or their dad. They know my background and know I did what I thought was best for them.
We not deeply value and respect our kids’ relationships and alone time with their biological mom/dad. Ex-H regular took my kids out, outside of his custody time to the zoo/museum/camping/hiking/skiing and to go see their aunts, uncles, and cousins on his side of the family when they were younger, and now that they older, he takes our kids to shows/trips. They call/talk to him all the time, and they can go to his house whenever they want. DH and SD also have days where they spend quality time together and he takes her to local fairs, out to eat, amusement parks, sometimes with SD’s mom too. As she gets older and our kids together get older, DH will always continue to make sure to spend one-on-one time with SD.
Our kids love their little brother and are super exited to have a baby sister soon. My teens and my stepdaughter have a very close relationship, and considering the huge age/maturity gap, they got along with each other very well. I love my stepdaughter, I’ve known her since she was baby, she is the sweetest little girl, we’ve built a close bond, and I will do everything I can within reason to make sure it stays that way. My husband’s also an amazing stepdad to my kids. There are a lot of assumptions here about our family that aren’t true, and I understand why. It sounds super complicated and hard, because it is sometimes, but we currently and owing well and we have the resources and support we need. Our kids are still young right now, but if/when issues arise, I am sure we will be ready.
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