Why do women want to hang on to cheating men they seem to despise??

[Anonymous]

These responses.. ugh.

[Anonymous]

Well what about those STDs?

Hey APs get tested too. Who knows what he's getting into besides you. Cheaters cheat. And yes he does it with the Mrs too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Between my kids, parents, friend, job and hobbies, I redirected my energy completely away from my husband. It was like flipping a switch and I just don’t care about him in the slightest. I haven’t divorced simply because I don’t feel like it. I haven’t an attorney, am ready to file at any time, but going through it right now isn’t what’s best for me.

This is my best friend, who is a strong person who can control her emotions better than most of us. She and her husband have an elementary-aged child, and she's not leaving anytime soon because her husband is an addict and will demand 50% custody, but is a danger to their child if left alone. She confronted him about the cheating (the tip-off was a love letter from his AP in a card he left lying around their house), and he denied it all and claimed he was framed. So, he knows she knows, but I think he assumes they now have an understanding. She has seen an attorney and has a plan, and she now closely monitors all their finances. In the event he files, she's ready. However, she has essentially decided not to file for divorce anytime soon proactively. He's a high earner, they have a nice house, and he's never around anyway, so she finds fulfillment in being a parent, friend, sibling, and through her job and hobbies. She's got a good therapist. She spends money "pampering" herself now more than ever. She's also considered "dating" on the side, but decided against it for now as it's not a complication she needs. I'm sure they'll divorce when her son leaves for college, but until then, she's just focused on herself like PP>

[Anonymous]

I think this is more common than people think

[Anonymous]

I'm no longer attracted to my husband, so don't have sex with him anymore. No clue if he's cheated yet. However, no plan to divorce because it would absolutely kill me to not see my child every day. Also, I want to stop working soon, so need husband's money in order to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is all I think of when I see these women. Sad and pathetic.

I’m really sorry he didn’t leave his wife for you.

Seriously. Why else would you be so irate that another woman stayed in her marriage? I find these threads so weird. The vitriol directed at betrayed women. It comes from the poster and whatever weird sh@t they having going on in their own lives.

There are a lot of triggered APs here misplacing their ire at not getting the ring.

The Holidays are coming. Tough time of year for the APs. Get ready…it’s going to get worse until the new year.

Thanksgiving, Christmas and summer vacations are always brutal for OW.

The board starts wilding during those scenarios

[Anonymous]

They keep him because they aren't done with the relationship yet. That has a wide definition depending on the situation:

- want to stay in their home (can't afford to buy him out of the mortgage)
- want 100% days with their kids, 100% control of decision making
- want to keep extended family (not all of us hate our inlaws)
- care about him, even if the lust is gone
- keep your enemies close
- the devil you know
- messy financial accounts/trusts/properties

Or lets just be honest, we don't want some random fling to 'win', with something we've put decades of our life in to build. All of these are perfectly acceptable reasons. Trust that when a woman is done, she will absolutely file and have have her ducks in a row years before.

[Anonymous]

Fear. Money. Kids. Not wanting to move.

All more important than sex.

If the marriage is bad, end it. If the ONLY thing was cheating, that is a blip.

[Anonymous]

The only reason would be my kids. Not wanting split custody, split holidays, have less time with them

[Anonymous]

The woman I know who is hanging on is being incredibly strategic. Her husband still lives in the marital home but admitted to his affair and asked for a divorce. But he’s lazy and hasn’t left or filed.

She has a bench of attorneys lined up and is waiting to retain someone based on who her spouse chooses. She is getting medical stuff done while she is still on his insurance which is better than what’s at her job. And she is letting marital assets accumulate and documenting the heck out of everything else while she still has access to stuff. They aren’t legally separated according to the standards of their state so she is playing stuff very carefully to her financial advantage. It’s the opposite of disrespecting and is actually pretty brilliant.

But from the outside she looks like she’s just rolling over and letting this happen. She’s decided that’s also strategically helpful for her position, for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm no longer attracted to my husband, so don't have sex with him anymore. No clue if he's cheated yet. However, no plan to divorce because it would absolutely kill me to not see my child every day. Also, I want to stop working soon, so need husband's money in order to do that.

Poor guy, I hope he has

[Anonymous]

Because in a long marriage a midlife fling is just a blip and virtually irrelevant over time. A midlife crisis can burn out quick. Most people seriously regret divorcing or decisions they make during that time. Who the cheater is, what they do after, how the relationship is, etc—so many different factors. Every marriage is different. Things become a lot less black and white over 20,30,,,,50 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is all I think of when I see these women. Sad and pathetic.

I’m really sorry he didn’t leave his wife for you.

Seriously. Why else would you be so irate that another woman stayed in her marriage? I find these threads so weird. The vitriol directed at betrayed women. It comes from the poster and whatever weird sh@t they having going on in their own lives.

This. It comes from 2 places:

1) APs —angry he el t divorce
2) Fear- they think it could never happen to them. They have to truly believe they can control outcomes if they do everything right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because in a long marriage a midlife fling is just a blip and virtually irrelevant over time. A midlife crisis can burn out quick. Most people seriously regret divorcing or decisions they make during that time. Who the cheater is, what they do after, how the relationship is, etc—so many different factors. Every marriage is different. Things become a lot less black and white over 20,30,,,,50 years.

The Coldplay guy is still married. They are working it out.

The twice divorced Coldplay woman is single again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The woman I know who is hanging on is being incredibly strategic. Her husband still lives in the marital home but admitted to his affair and asked for a divorce. But he’s lazy and hasn’t left or filed.

She has a bench of attorneys lined up and is waiting to retain someone based on who her spouse chooses. She is getting medical stuff done while she is still on his insurance which is better than what’s at her job. And she is letting marital assets accumulate and documenting the heck out of everything else while she still has access to stuff. They aren’t legally separated according to the standards of their state so she is playing stuff very carefully to her financial advantage. It’s the opposite of disrespecting and is actually pretty brilliant.

But from the outside she looks like she’s just rolling over and letting this happen. She’s decided that’s also strategically helpful for her position, for now.

hopefully she has consulted with them, so he can't use them do to conflicts.