Litigation or mediation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It works if your ex uses common sense. When the outcome by a judge is pretty clearly prescribed, there is not much to fight over.

Well put.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here - at what $$$ value WOULD you litigate? I see all these comments thrown out here like “it’s not worth it for under $10 million”. But personally, what would be worth litigating to you?

My narcissistic ex is difficult to mediate with because of his personality disorder and the associated issues. Mediation might cost me $1-3 million dollars (before legal fees). So what’s the actual line?

Not trying to hijack the thread, but this seems relevant for OP too.

This is a really good question and why this issue is much more complicated than “litigate v mediate.” At a certain point getting efficiently before a judge might save time and money vs endless mediation and settlement attempts.

I attempted to go a more non-adversarial route at first and it did nothing but cause stress and waste money because my ex is not reasonable or consistent at all and was just triggered by my reasonable requests. Would fight over the stupidest stuff but just accept the big stuff that I asked for. Would have temper tantrums when I wasn’t doing exactly what he wanted.

I never want to actually go to court, but we definitely would have saved time or money if I just had a lawyer write up a settlement and send it to his lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With regards to child custody and the child’s preference, even in states that have specific ages for judges to consider the child’s wishes, it’s seems it’s still a judicial discretion issue. You might get a judge who listens to every child who comes through the door and considers their stated preferences seriously, and others who won’t talk to anyone who’s under 18. My research (because I’m concerned about this, too) suggests that it’s luck of the draw, which is a terrible thing when you’re trying to understand your family’s future.

The context has to matter too. There is a big difference between a mature 14 year old who can testify to the judge that she loves her dad and wants to spend weekends with him, but that her school and extracurricular schedule would be easier to handle if she stays with mom 5 days a week. Along with a mom who appears to be a stable person who will support the relationship with dad.

As compared to a child that cannot articulate their rationale so clearly, and a mom who seems overly emotionally invested in being the only good parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:where does mediation cost $1-3M. You can have a few sessions of mediation and the mediator would decide if it is working or not.

That’s what mediation is going to cost me if I agree to what my jerk of an ex is offering. Two rounds so far and no progress. Would you go to court over a couple million bucks?

If your lawyer thinks you will actually get that money - then sure, it’s a simple cost-benefit analysis. I would pay $100,000 to get $3 mil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If your lawyer thinks you will actually get that money - then sure, it’s a simple cost-benefit analysis. I would pay $100,000 to get $3 mil.

Not OP – but my case is super complicated

Ex is offering nothing. Judge will come up with something between zero dollars and 5 million no guarantees at all except that zero fairly unlikely. And I need to decide what to do next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the salary gap is high..more than double for one party is the split still 50/50?

Yes, but the lower earning spouse might get alimony. Probably needs to be more than double though.

Receiving alimony has nothing to do with infidelity if you’re entitled to receive alimony and you’re the lower earning spouse you’re going to get it anyway, regardless of whether infidelity occurred or not