WWYD: situation with nephew and his parents

[Anonymous]

I’d tell your brother that you will be preparing 2 rooms but will not be monitoring what near 30 year old adults are doing (as if they are children).

Then I’d tell nephew the same “I prepped two rooms- wasn’t sure your preferred sleeping arrangement, wherever you guys want to sleep is fine”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your nephew is 28 years old! Your house, your rules. Your brother sounds ridiculous.

+1000

Also, he is 28, so in reality, it's time to let him choose even if at "your house". They've been together over a year, they are a couple

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd grey rock my brother on that one. Mention the conversation to your nephew and let him decide whether he wants to rock that boat or not.

Yeah! This does not work for SA families.

Sure it does, eventually they need to learn to grow up and stop controlling their kids. But it wont happen if you have the attitude of not doing so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you have two rooms available then you prepare two rooms for your guests. It is up to your nephew and gf to figure out what their sleeping arrangements that they will adhere to.

Do they want to have two seperate rooms or want one room? Up to them. You don't ask. You just show them the rooms that you have prepared.

If others ask - you provided two rooms. And then you don't talk about it anymore.

- South Asian aunty ji.

Ha. Aunty is smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I could not just ignore my brother, then I would just tell him, “yes, we have two rooms that will be ready for them” and then move to another subject. But really, I cannot imagine staying on the phone (or bothering to answer) when someone like this called me. You can talk to him in a few weeks. Your brother presumably doesn’t even celebrate thanksgiving so you don’t need to call him that weekend.

You can blame the SA-ness of OP that she actually continues to have a familial relationship with her sibling and nephew for this. I am blaming how clueless (and lonely) she must be to put it on DCUM. Any SA friend IRL would have solved it in 5 seconds for her. But, I am not surprised that her family members give her instructions. She really sounds thick as a brick. She needs directions.

Whoa way to project much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I could not just ignore my brother, then I would just tell him, “yes, we have two rooms that will be ready for them” and then move to another subject. But really, I cannot imagine staying on the phone (or bothering to answer) when someone like this called me. You can talk to him in a few weeks. Your brother presumably doesn’t even celebrate thanksgiving so you don’t need to call him that weekend.

You can blame the SA-ness of OP that she actually continues to have a familial relationship with her sibling and nephew for this. I am blaming how clueless (and lonely) she must be to put it on DCUM. Any SA friend IRL would have solved it in 5 seconds for her. But, I am not surprised that her family members give her instructions. She really sounds thick as a brick. She needs directions.

Whoa way to project much.

Yeah, and the reason she came here is likely the majority of her "friends" are all intertwined and/or related and asking them likely means it all gets back to her BROTHER ---a true SA auntie would recognize this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the helpful suggestions! I will definitely communicate with my nephew about his parents, though I don’t think their attitude will be a surprise. We have space so I like the suggestion of having 2 rooms and letting them decide. I have been working on standing up to my brother and being more assertive, but it’s been a lifetime of listening to him as the baby sister so old habits die hard.

What will you gain by having an acrimonious relationship with your brother at this point at something so inconsequential?

What does she gain? Independence. Adulthood. Well worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the dilemma. I'm American born and my family does not accept unmarried people sharing a bed at a family event either

The dilemma is that OP is fine with their sharing a room and so her bro just needs to be in charge of his house, not OP’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I understand you come from a SA culture, and your brother still lives in the home country, the reality is that YOU live in the US, and your nephew and his girlfriend also live in the US. You can use whichever culture's norms work for you while you're in the US. I can't tell you what to do bc I don't know the specific dynamics between you and your brother. But I can tell you that people who don't live in my house, don't get to tell me how to run my home. I will do whatever I want.

Are you OP? Of course not!

Your thoughts and how you think immigrants like OP should conduct their personal life is not relevant for this exercise.

Psst, OP asked us. In fact, OP asked what would we do. Maybe it’s your thoughts that are not relevant.

[Anonymous]

If you have space then make the extra room available. Then stay out of it. Not your child, not your issue. Who knows what the girlfriend wants anyway. Just keep their rooms near each other if possible. Your brother seems like an ass.