Fiance made a troubling comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can be offended, but facts are facts.

Maybe.

But there is zero reason the op should continue to allow this man into her life (or here head, rent-free).

+1

What he said was offensive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't take you seriously you are a mark for him easy sex and a way to make money hell string you along until he finds a woman he respects.

See a lawyer to see how you can untangle yourself from the properties without damage to yourself .

Make sure you are set

End engagement. Kick him out.

Stop dating for 2 years get therapy instead and figure out why you keep getting involved with loser men.

When you date again don't have children with the man, don't buy property or become financially entangled with him don't involve your kids with him.

All of this. OP has a bad picker and is a bad decision maker. Too bad she can't just put her children first instead of jumping into bed with the first rando she found.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are from a previous relationship with a man I was not married to. He proposed but I turned him down due to some concerns I had with the relationship.

Very curious about why you turned this guy down over concerns you had with the relationship, but nevertheless decided to have kids with him. Can you talk us through the thinking there?

There were some things about his life that he had been keeping secret that I didn't find out about until we had children. At least two of these secrets were absolute deal breakers. One of them is that he was a closeted drug addict. I eventually learned the he was sneaking around behind my back doing drugs. He couldn't stop on his own and refused to get help. That was the straw that broke the camels back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, it’s too late for this to be a red flag, obviously.

All people say dumb thing that hurt feelings from time to time. The question is whether he cares that he hurt your feelings and can apologize and see your point of view. And also whether you can raise this with him in a productive way and not a blaming way.

This wasn’t just a case of a “dumb thing”’he said. OP felt offended. How do you not get that ?

Huh? yes I get she felt offended. That happens sometimes in relationships. The question is what to do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. Is the dad of your kids involved with them?

Sorry had to go vote but I'm back now. Yes we share 50/50 custody. We split the child rearing costs 50/50. It has been amicable so no courts are involved. Kids are 12 & 14.

Most divorces don't see a courtroom. Like 95%. (But courts are involved to issue the final divorce decree.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can be offended, but facts are facts.

Maybe.

But there is zero reason the op should continue to allow this man into her life (or here head, rent-free).

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you’re getting the hate here, OP. I’m also a single mom who has kids with a man I didn’t marry, people here have a hard time understanding not everyone follows the traditional route and that life happens.

Anyway, I would just ask him directly what he meant by it and ask if he sees you that way, as “less valuable”. I’d be very upset over this type of comment - it’s valid to not want to date a single mom, but assigning value to a person based on their children is pretty gross. There’s a lot of really great men out there and no sense in wasting your time and energy on someone who sees you as less worthy.

I am a divorced mom with two kids. I have written the last several comments. She has made a massive mistake buying property without being married. Also, she should not marry this guy. Also, engagement for three years itself is a red flag. She will lose money on selling but she should because she should not marry this guy.

PP. maybe those things are true, but she didn’t ask about those, she asked about his comment.

Personally I think it’s a smart idea for women to not get married. I was happy I was able to get out quickly, rather than deal with the hassle of a divorce. And if it turns out he isn’t a great guy (since OP mentioned some other concerns), even better she’s not married and can end things easily.

I agree not to get married IF you are not buying property together or have kids living with you!!! She is doing married stuff first without being married. The property thing is especially dumb.

I advise younger women to never marry and be a single mom by choice if you want kids. She is in a situation where she is doing married stuff while not being married, which is an entirely different situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, it’s too late for this to be a red flag, obviously.

All people say dumb thing that hurt feelings from time to time. The question is whether he cares that he hurt your feelings and can apologize and see your point of view. And also whether you can raise this with him in a productive way and not a blaming way.

This wasn’t just a case of a “dumb thing”’he said. OP felt offended. How do you not get that ?

Huh? yes I get she felt offended. That happens sometimes in relationships. The question is what to do about it.

Well duh, she dumps him and cuts him out of her life 100% after what he said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Op here. I think the point of engagement is to show that there is a serious intent to get married. Obviously some engagements can end without marriage.

Why not purchase real estate? Better than throwing money away on rent. If we decided to sell at least there's equity earned in the property.

What is even the point of marriage if you have a kid with him already? That’s WAY bigger than marriage or real estate or anything. I have to say, I question the brains of women who have children with men outside of marriage but who feel like marriage is still a goal. It’s bonkers.

[Anonymous]

All these posts sound fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Biggest problem with op is that she had and is having sex with men she is not married to.

Why do you show up on every thread? Don't you have anything else to do with your time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do not have a wedding date. Our finances during the past 3 years of our engagement have been tied up in the condo being built over seas. We had to pay cash for it as there were no financing options available and things moved slowly in the country that we purchased in.

You don't need to spend money to get married. You can go to the court house.

This is what I want but he wants a destination wedding.

That's just an excuse. If he wanted to be married to you, he would be. You built a condo in a country you both love, but couldn't manage to get married there?

Girl, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Op here. I think the point of engagement is to show that there is a serious intent to get married. Obviously some engagements can end without marriage.

Why not purchase real estate? Better than throwing money away on rent. If we decided to sell at least there's equity earned in the property.

What is even the point of marriage if you have a kid with him already? That’s WAY bigger than marriage or real estate or anything. I have to say, I question the brains of women who have children with men outside of marriage but who feel like marriage is still a goal. It’s bonkers.

We do not have children together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't take you seriously you are a mark for him easy sex and a way to make money hell string you along until he finds a woman he respects.

See a lawyer to see how you can untangle yourself from the properties without damage to yourself .

Make sure you are set

End engagement. Kick him out.

Stop dating for 2 years get therapy instead and figure out why you keep getting involved with loser men.

When you date again don't have children with the man, don't buy property or become financially entangled with him don't involve your kids with him.

All of this. OP has a bad picker and is a bad decision maker. Too bad she can't just put her children first instead of jumping into bed with the first rando she found.

Just think of what she’s modeling for her children. Those poor kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Op here. I think the point of engagement is to show that there is a serious intent to get married. Obviously some engagements can end without marriage.

Why not purchase real estate? Better than throwing money away on rent. If we decided to sell at least there's equity earned in the property.

What is even the point of marriage if you have a kid with him already? That’s WAY bigger than marriage or real estate or anything. I have to say, I question the brains of women who have children with men outside of marriage but who feel like marriage is still a goal. It’s bonkers.

We do not have children together.

You should keep it that way. He sounds like a misogynist. Most men are, after all, but they get all defensive when you point out their hateful views and they complain that they are just “logical” or whatever stupid thing.