Anyone’s exDH try to use family caregiving for custody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t have a contentious divorce, but our right of refusal language has time constraints around it so it’s only triggered if it’s over a certain amount of hours. Would something like that work? So, for us, it was something like 4 hours-a reasonable timeframe to have a babysitter, or go to a friends house, or stay home alone when older. But when it’s going to be an extended thing, then the other parent could weigh in on whether they’d rather the kid went either me or to a day camp it to grandma’s.

Also, this could be a lot about appearances and child support. In practice, you may end up with the kids a lot mom recent he realizes how impractical his plan is.

I really like how this would work. So then you would be able to leave a kid home alone with your own mom for 6 hours but might trigger ROFR for 10+ or something like that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is 50/50 so he does not have to pay child support?

He’ll have a small fortune. He filed several weeks before a significant, life-changing petition. I don’t think it’s about child support so much as appearances and pride.

Sounds like it’s your pride and appearance and you are taking the kids from dad. The simple solution is to be flexible and switch days and weeks as needed. Kids deserve both parents.

No way am I going to contort myself to fit his travel schedule after divorce as if we’re still married and then sacrifice the career I need to survive just to appease his need to look like a good dad while he is unwilling to sacrifice a single thing to see his kids. There are a million jobs that pay quite well for someone like him that don’t require travel every week or every other week. He just can’t put his ego and need for external validation above his responsibility to his kids.

Go back to your incel forum.

I'm glad you feel this way. Do not be his back up baby sitter. If he wants fifty fifty custody, he needs to figure out a way to provide child care during his time. If he can't, you should have more custody and he should pay you more child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is 50/50 so he does not have to pay child support?

He’ll have a small fortune. He filed several weeks before a significant, life-changing petition. I don’t think it’s about child support so much as appearances and pride.

Sounds like it’s your pride and appearance and you are taking the kids from dad. The simple solution is to be flexible and switch days and weeks as needed. Kids deserve both parents.

No way am I going to contort myself to fit his travel schedule after divorce as if we’re still married and then sacrifice the career I need to survive just to appease his need to look like a good dad while he is unwilling to sacrifice a single thing to see his kids. There are a million jobs that pay quite well for someone like him that don’t require travel every week or every other week. He just can’t put his ego and need for external validation above his responsibility to his kids.

Go back to your incel forum.

We can see why you are getting divorced. I hope he gets full custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is 50/50 so he does not have to pay child support?

He’ll have a small fortune. He filed several weeks before a significant, life-changing petition. I don’t think it’s about child support so much as appearances and pride.

Sounds like it’s your pride and appearance and you are taking the kids from dad. The simple solution is to be flexible and switch days and weeks as needed. Kids deserve both parents.

No way am I going to contort myself to fit his travel schedule after divorce as if we’re still married and then sacrifice the career I need to survive just to appease his need to look like a good dad while he is unwilling to sacrifice a single thing to see his kids. There are a million jobs that pay quite well for someone like him that don’t require travel every week or every other week. He just can’t put his ego and need for external validation above his responsibility to his kids.

Go back to your incel forum.

We can see why you are getting divorced. I hope he gets full custody.

This is not OP being a B. This is the cold hard fact of divorce. You are no longer one family unit who works together to solve problems. It’s maybe 1 in 50 that I know who can pull this off and even then it’s usually because they’re very wealthy. But no- OP has the right to date or travel or work during her exs parenting time.

He should be humble enough to take a frank look at his travel and the historic parental division of caregiving and allow the schedule to reflect that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is 50/50 so he does not have to pay child support?

He’ll have a small fortune. He filed several weeks before a significant, life-changing petition. I don’t think it’s about child support so much as appearances and pride.

Sounds like it’s your pride and appearance and you are taking the kids from dad. The simple solution is to be flexible and switch days and weeks as needed. Kids deserve both parents.

No way am I going to contort myself to fit his travel schedule after divorce as if we’re still married and then sacrifice the career I need to survive just to appease his need to look like a good dad while he is unwilling to sacrifice a single thing to see his kids. There are a million jobs that pay quite well for someone like him that don’t require travel every week or every other week. He just can’t put his ego and need for external validation above his responsibility to his kids.

Go back to your incel forum.

We can see why you are getting divorced. I hope he gets full custody.

This is not OP being a B. This is the cold hard fact of divorce. You are no longer one family unit who works together to solve problems. It’s maybe 1 in 50 that I know who can pull this off and even then it’s usually because they’re very wealthy. But no- OP has the right to date or travel or work during her exs parenting time.

He should be humble enough to take a frank look at his travel and the historic parental division of caregiving and allow the schedule to reflect that.

OP can either be flexible or let him work out his time and stop trying to control him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is 50/50 so he does not have to pay child support?

He’ll have a small fortune. He filed several weeks before a significant, life-changing petition. I don’t think it’s about child support so much as appearances and pride.

Sounds like it’s your pride and appearance and you are taking the kids from dad. The simple solution is to be flexible and switch days and weeks as needed. Kids deserve both parents.

No way am I going to contort myself to fit his travel schedule after divorce as if we’re still married and then sacrifice the career I need to survive just to appease his need to look like a good dad while he is unwilling to sacrifice a single thing to see his kids. There are a million jobs that pay quite well for someone like him that don’t require travel every week or every other week. He just can’t put his ego and need for external validation above his responsibility to his kids.

Go back to your incel forum.

We can see why you are getting divorced. I hope he gets full custody.

This is not OP being a B. This is the cold hard fact of divorce. You are no longer one family unit who works together to solve problems. It’s maybe 1 in 50 that I know who can pull this off and even then it’s usually because they’re very wealthy. But no- OP has the right to date or travel or work during her exs parenting time.

He should be humble enough to take a frank look at his travel and the historic parental division of caregiving and allow the schedule to reflect that.

OP can either be flexible or let him work out his time and stop trying to control him.

+1 Right now OP wants both. She wants first right of refusal but then starts complaining that her ex’s travel schedule cannot impact her. Ok, then don’t ask for first right of refusal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is 50/50 so he does not have to pay child support?

He’ll have a small fortune. He filed several weeks before a significant, life-changing petition. I don’t think it’s about child support so much as appearances and pride.

Sounds like it’s your pride and appearance and you are taking the kids from dad. The simple solution is to be flexible and switch days and weeks as needed. Kids deserve both parents.

No way am I going to contort myself to fit his travel schedule after divorce as if we’re still married and then sacrifice the career I need to survive just to appease his need to look like a good dad while he is unwilling to sacrifice a single thing to see his kids. There are a million jobs that pay quite well for someone like him that don’t require travel every week or every other week. He just can’t put his ego and need for external validation above his responsibility to his kids.

Go back to your incel forum.

We can see why you are getting divorced. I hope he gets full custody.

This is not OP being a B. This is the cold hard fact of divorce. You are no longer one family unit who works together to solve problems. It’s maybe 1 in 50 that I know who can pull this off and even then it’s usually because they’re very wealthy. But no- OP has the right to date or travel or work during her exs parenting time.

He should be humble enough to take a frank look at his travel and the historic parental division of caregiving and allow the schedule to reflect that.

OP can either be flexible or let him work out his time and stop trying to control him.

Actually I think it’s the other way around. The ex wants to be divorced and keep his fancy executive businessman travel job and have the appearance of 50/50 custody…but he also wants his ex-wife to support him and flex around him as if they’re still married.

He’s going to be very startled by the realities of divorce if they haven’t already started to hit him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is 50/50 so he does not have to pay child support?

He’ll have a small fortune. He filed several weeks before a significant, life-changing petition. I don’t think it’s about child support so much as appearances and pride.

Sounds like it’s your pride and appearance and you are taking the kids from dad. The simple solution is to be flexible and switch days and weeks as needed. Kids deserve both parents.

No way am I going to contort myself to fit his travel schedule after divorce as if we’re still married and then sacrifice the career I need to survive just to appease his need to look like a good dad while he is unwilling to sacrifice a single thing to see his kids. There are a million jobs that pay quite well for someone like him that don’t require travel every week or every other week. He just can’t put his ego and need for external validation above his responsibility to his kids.

Go back to your incel forum.

We can see why you are getting divorced. I hope he gets full custody.

This is not OP being a B. This is the cold hard fact of divorce. You are no longer one family unit who works together to solve problems. It’s maybe 1 in 50 that I know who can pull this off and even then it’s usually because they’re very wealthy. But no- OP has the right to date or travel or work during her exs parenting time.

He should be humble enough to take a frank look at his travel and the historic parental division of caregiving and allow the schedule to reflect that.

OP can either be flexible or let him work out his time and stop trying to control him.

Actually I think it’s the other way around. The ex wants to be divorced and keep his fancy executive businessman travel job and have the appearance of 50/50 custody…but he also wants his ex-wife to support him and flex around him as if they’re still married.

He’s going to be very startled by the realities of divorce if they haven’t already started to hit him.

No, the ex plans to use the overseas mother for any coverage needed while on travel. OP is trying to insert herself in this plan and require first right of refusal in the custody agreement. Her lawyer and others on this site have wisely told her that’s not a great idea and it’s unenforceable.

[Anonymous]

OP isn't looking at the long term. If you fight this it won't work and what will happen is he will fly his mother over with a nanny as well or another relative and you will never get your kid more than 50% of the time.

If you don't fight it you end up with extra time with your kid when you say you are willing to take your child when he travels.

Then after 3 years when your child is a teen they can tell a judge they want to be with you and you can then fight for more custody and child support. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't looking at the long term. If you fight this it won't work and what will happen is he will fly his mother over with a nanny as well or another relative and you will never get your kid more than 50% of the time.

If you don't fight it you end up with extra time with your kid when you say you are willing to take your child when he travels.

Then after 3 years when your child is a teen they can tell a judge they want to be with you and you can then fight for more custody and child support. .

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't looking at the long term. If you fight this it won't work and what will happen is he will fly his mother over with a nanny as well or another relative and you will never get your kid more than 50% of the time.

If you don't fight it you end up with extra time with your kid when you say you are willing to take your child when he travels.

Then after 3 years when your child is a teen they can tell a judge they want to be with you and you can then fight for more custody and child support. .

OP here and everything in this thread pisses me off. But there are some bits of advice that are very, very good, and this point about the nanny is one of them. Thank you for thinking of this.

Going to go stew about how messed up it is that our kid’s time and childhood can be given away to people who aren’t even their parents in the name of some pretend version of 50/50 when an actual parent is available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't looking at the long term. If you fight this it won't work and what will happen is he will fly his mother over with a nanny as well or another relative and you will never get your kid more than 50% of the time.

If you don't fight it you end up with extra time with your kid when you say you are willing to take your child when he travels.

Then after 3 years when your child is a teen they can tell a judge they want to be with you and you can then fight for more custody and child support. .

OP here and everything in this thread pisses me off. But there are some bits of advice that are very, very good, and this point about the nanny is one of them. Thank you for thinking of this.

Going to go stew about how messed up it is that our kid’s time and childhood can be given away to people who aren’t even their parents in the name of some pretend version of 50/50 when an actual parent is available.

I know it's messed up but I'd rather have my kid with their grandmother than a new girlfriend/wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't looking at the long term. If you fight this it won't work and what will happen is he will fly his mother over with a nanny as well or another relative and you will never get your kid more than 50% of the time.

If you don't fight it you end up with extra time with your kid when you say you are willing to take your child when he travels.

Then after 3 years when your child is a teen they can tell a judge they want to be with you and you can then fight for more custody and child support. .

OP here and everything in this thread pisses me off. But there are some bits of advice that are very, very good, and this point about the nanny is one of them. Thank you for thinking of this.

Going to go stew about how messed up it is that our kid’s time and childhood can be given away to people who aren’t even their parents in the name of some pretend version of 50/50 when an actual parent is available.

I totally sympathize with you, OP. Dealing with crap like this when divorcing an abusive a-hole who wants the optics of 50/50 but not the reality, is awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't looking at the long term. If you fight this it won't work and what will happen is he will fly his mother over with a nanny as well or another relative and you will never get your kid more than 50% of the time.

If you don't fight it you end up with extra time with your kid when you say you are willing to take your child when he travels.

Then after 3 years when your child is a teen they can tell a judge they want to be with you and you can then fight for more custody and child support. .

It’s sad women like you push cutting out dads for more money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP isn't looking at the long term. If you fight this it won't work and what will happen is he will fly his mother over with a nanny as well or another relative and you will never get your kid more than 50% of the time.

If you don't fight it you end up with extra time with your kid when you say you are willing to take your child when he travels.

Then after 3 years when your child is a teen they can tell a judge they want to be with you and you can then fight for more custody and child support. .

OP here and everything in this thread pisses me off. But there are some bits of advice that are very, very good, and this point about the nanny is one of them. Thank you for thinking of this.

Going to go stew about how messed up it is that our kid’s time and childhood can be given away to people who aren’t even their parents in the name of some pretend version of 50/50 when an actual parent is available.

I know it's messed up but I'd rather have my kid with their grandmother than a new girlfriend/wife.

Op can leave the kid with a boufriend or stepfather too. Goes both ways.