Dating must-haves, wish lists and dealbreakers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 40F, divorced, 2 kids. I’ve found the older I get, the longer my list of requirements gets.

At this point in my life I basically expect princess treatment:

- He must plan and pay for dates
- He must make my life easier. For example, if I’m having a rough day with the kids, he should DoorDash us food.
- Must be a gentleman: open doors for me, pick me up, look nice for me.
- Salary is less important since I’m not looking to get married anytime soon, and won’t have anymore kids, but I expect him to make enough to pay for dates and trips.
- Must be attractive.
- Must be interesting. I’m not going to have anything in common with a middle manager who plays video games in his spare time.
- Absolutely no socially awkward men. I need someone I can bring around friends and to work functions.

Basically, a man must make my life significantly better and easier.

Marriage is a whole other thing, but he would have to be extremely rich and no kids. The only real benefit of marriage for me at this point is if it leads to large amounts of wealth for myself and my kids.

I'm not trying to be unkind but what are you offering other than aging body, someone else's kids, hunger for wealth, attitude and expectations?

For a lot of men, I don't have much to offer them. I don't want to cook for them, clean up after them, or have their kids, and a huge number of men aren't interested in me (I literally once had a man reject me because I told him I would not make him a sandwich). Which is fine, I am not interested in men who want a mommy.

The men who *are* attracted to me generally say this about me:

- They've found most women have little ambition, and the majority just want to be SAHMs, which is very unattractive to them (I am highly ambitious and make more than most women and men)
- I'm one of the few women they've met who can hold a conversation, especially at social events, and not embarrass them.
- I love to travel and because of my flexible work schedule, I can go on trips with them
- I actually don't like standard dates (dinner/drinks) and would rather do something fun like going to a State Fair and risking our lives on the carnival rides.
- I like sex, a LOT.

Like I said, I'm not a good match for standard men who are looking for a replacement mom. But there are enough men out there who fit my list of requirements and who are interested that I don't stay single for very long. But even if there weren't, I don't care. Being single is infinitely better than being with a man who makes life harder, which most do.

So you're pretty standard with a high sex drive. Of course many men are going to be interested, considering that you're not looking for anything serious. BTW, most women can hold a conversation. But, of course, like most on DCUM, you have an inflated sense of yourself.

I’m just repeating what I’ve been told.

Weird that people are so triggered by a woman with kids who has standards and *gasp* actually finds men who meet them. Sounds like my perception of my self-worth is accurate - I don’t have any trouble finding men who fit my requirements.

Babes, you give them sex have minimal expectations of them and accept cheap dates. It's not a mystery.

Gotta re-read the list, bc it's definitely not minimal expectations or cheap dates. We travel at least twice a month on his dime and he gets dinner for me (and often my kids) 3-4x a week.

Tho it's very funny things flipped from "you have delusions of grandeur" to "you have minimal expectations". DCUM, make up your mind.

Ewww Girl. Feed your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these posts about relationship incompatibilities like the one on early birds and night owls and vegetarians/vegans and meat eaters are really eye-opening. People want to find someone they are attracted to, similar values, available, feel the same about kids or not kids, and more but then there are these more lifestyle issues like sleep schedules, approach to food, approach to fitness.

I feel like the list of what many people will not compromise for is really long. How many people who meet your criteria are you actually meeting? I just can't believe there are that many people that would generate that spark who also happen to be compatible in all these other ways. Am I wrong?

Imo look for decent character, even temper, ability to humor life, healthy ambition and good financial sense. No alcohol, drugs, violence, legal issues, broken relationships, credit debt etc. More points if decent enough family with no legal, financial, substance abuse or serious mental health issues.

+ talks, a connector, open to new ideas, takes modest risks, dialogues when decisions need to be made, chemistry, stable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only must-haves were can’t believe in god and must be a feminist. Hilarious because that’s what I believed I was marrying, but 22 years in, he has become a conservative nutter. Take your list and throw it out the window.

He's probably tired of your nonsense (and being labeled as the enemy) and just overcorrected. He'll probably moderate when he gets rid of you.

Lol it’s total nonsense to want your partner to think you deserve human rights. Get bent, you loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:*things like looks, money, dressing etc should be at the bottom of the list after initial criteria is met.

Honey, it’s all about the money. Don’t fool yourself now.

Those who marry for money earn every cent.

The world's oldest profession.

It's well known that women's mate selection is often influenced by a partner's resources and willingness to share them. It is a cross-cultural preference rooted in evolutionary history, whether for a single transaction or a longer-term relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, from the perspective of a guy in his 40's who is tall and makes a good salary (since that's important here) that PP with the list for men doesn't sound that bad.

I'm happily married but if something happened about the only off-putting thing is the part about spending on her kids. If she makes as much as she claims she should be able to do that herself. Also the Doordash thing...I might go get the food myself but I'm careful financially and refuse to pay Doordash fees on top of everything else.

I mean, why on earth should he support her kids or Doordash her food? The entitlement is staggering, and I'm a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6-6-6-6.

Total myth

It must be hard for you, living in fantasy-land:

https://wror.com/2024/09/17/single-women-are-using-the-new-6-6-6-dating-rule/

I know tons of women, none of whom are looking for this. Just because you read an article online doesn't make it reality. I always roll my eyes at these lifestyle articles "everyone is doing this right now!" No, the writer is desperate for something to write about, they have an idea, interview a few people in their circle who are maybe doing it, and then they call it news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only must-haves were can’t believe in god and must be a feminist. Hilarious because that’s what I believed I was marrying, but 22 years in, he has become a conservative nutter. Take your list and throw it out the window.

He's probably tired of your nonsense (and being labeled as the enemy) and just overcorrected. He'll probably moderate when he gets rid of you.

Lol it’s total nonsense to want your partner to think you deserve human rights. Get bent, you loser.

You don't "deserve" anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only must-haves were can’t believe in god and must be a feminist. Hilarious because that’s what I believed I was marrying, but 22 years in, he has become a conservative nutter. Take your list and throw it out the window.

He's probably tired of your nonsense (and being labeled as the enemy) and just overcorrected. He'll probably moderate when he gets rid of you.

Lol it’s total nonsense to want your partner to think you deserve human rights. Get bent, you loser.

Lol. You seem really angry. Go home and take it out on your husband (again).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 40F, divorced, 2 kids. I’ve found the older I get, the longer my list of requirements gets.

At this point in my life I basically expect princess treatment:

- He must plan and pay for dates
- He must make my life easier. For example, if I’m having a rough day with the kids, he should DoorDash us food.
- Must be a gentleman: open doors for me, pick me up, look nice for me.
- Salary is less important since I’m not looking to get married anytime soon, and won’t have anymore kids, but I expect him to make enough to pay for dates and trips.
- Must be attractive.
- Must be interesting. I’m not going to have anything in common with a middle manager who plays video games in his spare time.
- Absolutely no socially awkward men. I need someone I can bring around friends and to work functions.

Basically, a man must make my life significantly better and easier.

Marriage is a whole other thing, but he would have to be extremely rich and no kids. The only real benefit of marriage for me at this point is if it leads to large amounts of wealth for myself and my kids.

I'm not trying to be unkind but what are you offering other than aging body, someone else's kids, hunger for wealth, attitude and expectations?

For a lot of men, I don't have much to offer them. I don't want to cook for them, clean up after them, or have their kids, and a huge number of men aren't interested in me (I literally once had a man reject me because I told him I would not make him a sandwich). Which is fine, I am not interested in men who want a mommy.

The men who *are* attracted to me generally say this about me:

- They've found most women have little ambition, and the majority just want to be SAHMs, which is very unattractive to them (I am highly ambitious and make more than most women and men)
- I'm one of the few women they've met who can hold a conversation, especially at social events, and not embarrass them.
- I love to travel and because of my flexible work schedule, I can go on trips with them
- I actually don't like standard dates (dinner/drinks) and would rather do something fun like going to a State Fair and risking our lives on the carnival rides.
- I like sex, a LOT.

Like I said, I'm not a good match for standard men who are looking for a replacement mom. But there are enough men out there who fit my list of requirements and who are interested that I don't stay single for very long. But even if there weren't, I don't care. Being single is infinitely better than being with a man who makes life harder, which most do.

So you're pretty standard with a high sex drive. Of course many men are going to be interested, considering that you're not looking for anything serious. BTW, most women can hold a conversation. But, of course, like most on DCUM, you have an inflated sense of yourself.

I’m just repeating what I’ve been told.

Weird that people are so triggered by a woman with kids who has standards and *gasp* actually finds men who meet them. Sounds like my perception of my self-worth is accurate - I don’t have any trouble finding men who fit my requirements.

Babes, you give them sex have minimal expectations of them and accept cheap dates. It's not a mystery.

Gotta re-read the list, bc it's definitely not minimal expectations or cheap dates. We travel at least twice a month on his dime and he gets dinner for me (and often my kids) 3-4x a week.

Tho it's very funny things flipped from "you have delusions of grandeur" to "you have minimal expectations". DCUM, make up your mind.

You are looking for a sugar daddy. You give them sex and they give you money and trips and buy you things. Women looking to men to pay for things for them is as old as men wanting women to look purty for them - you are a traditional gender role, need a man to look afte me and take care of me dependent woman - and in return you have sex with them. You get your daddy and his money and they get sex. You are just stuck in the 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 40F, divorced, 2 kids. I’ve found the older I get, the longer my list of requirements gets.

At this point in my life I basically expect princess treatment:

- He must plan and pay for dates
- He must make my life easier. For example, if I’m having a rough day with the kids, he should DoorDash us food.
- Must be a gentleman: open doors for me, pick me up, look nice for me.
- Salary is less important since I’m not looking to get married anytime soon, and won’t have anymore kids, but I expect him to make enough to pay for dates and trips.
- Must be attractive.
- Must be interesting. I’m not going to have anything in common with a middle manager who plays video games in his spare time.
- Absolutely no socially awkward men. I need someone I can bring around friends and to work functions.

Basically, a man must make my life significantly better and easier.

Marriage is a whole other thing, but he would have to be extremely rich and no kids. The only real benefit of marriage for me at this point is if it leads to large amounts of wealth for myself and my kids.

I'm not trying to be unkind but what are you offering other than aging body, someone else's kids, hunger for wealth, attitude and expectations?

For a lot of men, I don't have much to offer them. I don't want to cook for them, clean up after them, or have their kids, and a huge number of men aren't interested in me (I literally once had a man reject me because I told him I would not make him a sandwich). Which is fine, I am not interested in men who want a mommy.

The men who *are* attracted to me generally say this about me:

- They've found most women have little ambition, and the majority just want to be SAHMs, which is very unattractive to them (I am highly ambitious and make more than most women and men)
- I'm one of the few women they've met who can hold a conversation, especially at social events, and not embarrass them.
- I love to travel and because of my flexible work schedule, I can go on trips with them
- I actually don't like standard dates (dinner/drinks) and would rather do something fun like going to a State Fair and risking our lives on the carnival rides.
- I like sex, a LOT.

Like I said, I'm not a good match for standard men who are looking for a replacement mom. But there are enough men out there who fit my list of requirements and who are interested that I don't stay single for very long. But even if there weren't, I don't care. Being single is infinitely better than being with a man who makes life harder, which most do.

So you're pretty standard with a high sex drive. Of course many men are going to be interested, considering that you're not looking for anything serious. BTW, most women can hold a conversation. But, of course, like most on DCUM, you have an inflated sense of yourself.

I’m just repeating what I’ve been told.

Weird that people are so triggered by a woman with kids who has standards and *gasp* actually finds men who meet them. Sounds like my perception of my self-worth is accurate - I don’t have any trouble finding men who fit my requirements.

Babes, you give them sex have minimal expectations of them and accept cheap dates. It's not a mystery.

Gotta re-read the list, bc it's definitely not minimal expectations or cheap dates. We travel at least twice a month on his dime and he gets dinner for me (and often my kids) 3-4x a week.

Tho it's very funny things flipped from "you have delusions of grandeur" to "you have minimal expectations". DCUM, make up your mind.

You are looking for a sugar daddy. You give them sex and they give you money and trips and buy you things. Women looking to men to pay for things for them is as old as men wanting women to look purty for them - you are a traditional gender role, need a man to look afte me and take care of me dependent woman - and in return you have sex with them. You get your daddy and his money and they get sex. You are just stuck in the 50s.

This! And she's holding herself out as the modern woman. Delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, from the perspective of a guy in his 40's who is tall and makes a good salary (since that's important here) that PP with the list for men doesn't sound that bad.

I'm happily married but if something happened about the only off-putting thing is the part about spending on her kids. If she makes as much as she claims she should be able to do that herself. Also the Doordash thing...I might go get the food myself but I'm careful financially and refuse to pay Doordash fees on top of everything else.

I mean, why on earth should he support her kids or Doordash her food? The entitlement is staggering, and I'm a woman.

He's not paying my mortgage or funding my kids' college tuition, so I don't see it as supporting them.

A long time ago, I was having a rough day, I mentioned it to the guy I was seeing when we were texting, and he immediately DoorDashed my kids and me dinner. I liked it, so now it's a standard for the men I date.

I don't say upfront "hey, you need to buy us dinner". But when I'm dating multiple guys, I'll mention when I'm having a rough day and see who steps it up. That's who I continue dating. And why not? I have multiple options, I'm going to pick the best one.

Too many women settle for scraps from men. The higher your standards, the more they respect you and rise to those standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was younger (HS and college), I was one of those girls who truly believed in true love, love at first sight, and a soulmate. I felt like I could always compromise on other things as long as I loved that person, but my mom gave me a huge reality check after college.

By the time I was 24, I wanted to get married but I felt like I couldn't find my soulmate. I talked about it with my mom and she told me what I should've already known, that most people marry people they are most compatible with mostly out of convenience and not true love. It honestly broke me and I felt sad about it for a while.

But, thankfully I met my husband just a year later, and I've truly loved him from the first moment so it all worked out. We have four daughters now and they are still young (12 & under) but if they are as innocent as I was, I wouldn't shatter their fantasy because it could come true.

that most people marry people they are most compatible with mostly out of convenience

I don't think that's incompatible with true love. If two decent people find each other "most compatible," you're set up with pretty good odds of love. It's not automatic - it won't always lead to romantic feelings - but it often will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 40F, divorced, 2 kids. I’ve found the older I get, the longer my list of requirements gets.

At this point in my life I basically expect princess treatment:

- He must plan and pay for dates
- He must make my life easier. For example, if I’m having a rough day with the kids, he should DoorDash us food.
- Must be a gentleman: open doors for me, pick me up, look nice for me.
- Salary is less important since I’m not looking to get married anytime soon, and won’t have anymore kids, but I expect him to make enough to pay for dates and trips.
- Must be attractive.
- Must be interesting. I’m not going to have anything in common with a middle manager who plays video games in his spare time.
- Absolutely no socially awkward men. I need someone I can bring around friends and to work functions.

Basically, a man must make my life significantly better and easier.

Marriage is a whole other thing, but he would have to be extremely rich and no kids. The only real benefit of marriage for me at this point is if it leads to large amounts of wealth for myself and my kids.

I'm not trying to be unkind but what are you offering other than aging body, someone else's kids, hunger for wealth, attitude and expectations?

For a lot of men, I don't have much to offer them. I don't want to cook for them, clean up after them, or have their kids, and a huge number of men aren't interested in me (I literally once had a man reject me because I told him I would not make him a sandwich). Which is fine, I am not interested in men who want a mommy.

The men who *are* attracted to me generally say this about me:

- They've found most women have little ambition, and the majority just want to be SAHMs, which is very unattractive to them (I am highly ambitious and make more than most women and men)
- I'm one of the few women they've met who can hold a conversation, especially at social events, and not embarrass them.
- I love to travel and because of my flexible work schedule, I can go on trips with them
- I actually don't like standard dates (dinner/drinks) and would rather do something fun like going to a State Fair and risking our lives on the carnival rides.
- I like sex, a LOT.

Like I said, I'm not a good match for standard men who are looking for a replacement mom. But there are enough men out there who fit my list of requirements and who are interested that I don't stay single for very long. But even if there weren't, I don't care. Being single is infinitely better than being with a man who makes life harder, which most do.

So you're pretty standard with a high sex drive. Of course many men are going to be interested, considering that you're not looking for anything serious. BTW, most women can hold a conversation. But, of course, like most on DCUM, you have an inflated sense of yourself.

I’m just repeating what I’ve been told.

Weird that people are so triggered by a woman with kids who has standards and *gasp* actually finds men who meet them. Sounds like my perception of my self-worth is accurate - I don’t have any trouble finding men who fit my requirements.

Babes, you give them sex have minimal expectations of them and accept cheap dates. It's not a mystery.

Gotta re-read the list, bc it's definitely not minimal expectations or cheap dates. We travel at least twice a month on his dime and he gets dinner for me (and often my kids) 3-4x a week.

Tho it's very funny things flipped from "you have delusions of grandeur" to "you have minimal expectations". DCUM, make up your mind.

You are looking for a sugar daddy. You give them sex and they give you money and trips and buy you things. Women looking to men to pay for things for them is as old as men wanting women to look purty for them - you are a traditional gender role, need a man to look afte me and take care of me dependent woman - and in return you have sex with them. You get your daddy and his money and they get sex. You are just stuck in the 50s.

Lol. Again, people keep shifting the narrative. First I was too delusional and no man would ever tolerate me, then it was I have low expectations and go on cheap dates, now it's I have sex in exchange for lavish gifts and trips.

Like I said originally. If I'm going to spend my time and effort on a man, he needs to make my life better and easier. The vast majority of men make women's lives harder and worse. I'm not going to lower my standards and deal with some dusty guy who can't even plan a proper date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 40F, divorced, 2 kids. I’ve found the older I get, the longer my list of requirements gets.

At this point in my life I basically expect princess treatment:

- He must plan and pay for dates
- He must make my life easier. For example, if I’m having a rough day with the kids, he should DoorDash us food.
- Must be a gentleman: open doors for me, pick me up, look nice for me.
- Salary is less important since I’m not looking to get married anytime soon, and won’t have anymore kids, but I expect him to make enough to pay for dates and trips.
- Must be attractive.
- Must be interesting. I’m not going to have anything in common with a middle manager who plays video games in his spare time.
- Absolutely no socially awkward men. I need someone I can bring around friends and to work functions.

Basically, a man must make my life significantly better and easier.

Marriage is a whole other thing, but he would have to be extremely rich and no kids. The only real benefit of marriage for me at this point is if it leads to large amounts of wealth for myself and my kids.

you're gross.

hopefully all men have enough sense to stay FAR away from you.

[Anonymous]

A lot of you sound like crazy old trolls. Why are you so upset about the 40 year old who has her pick of guys? Why isn't she allowed to have standards or preferences?