Family wedding (no kids) - Should we both attend or just DH while I stay home with our kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about this. Assuming your kids are really well-behaved, you want to bring them on your trip, and you have a calm enough family to negotiate a little beyond the boundaries of standard etiquette.

Why not reach out to the bride and ask if your well-behaved children may attend the wedding only. Your whole family goes to the wedding.

Then only one parent attends the reception while the other parent watches the children.

The point of the day is actually to witness the wedding. Not to get a free meal or have a date to dance with, although those are courtesies.

I'm sure some people will flame about this. But just wanted to raise it. I have seen two variants of this strategy work well at times with no hard feelings on any side.

Please don’t do this to the bride. The invitation has clearly stated their preferences and it puts her on the spot and in an uncomfortable situation to have to either cave because she feels pressure or repeat their stance on no kids.

Also, kids truly don’t have interest in witnessing a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous thread. OP has FOUR kids who aren't little. It's a NEPHEW getting married. In all likelihood it's the bride's family paying for the bulk of the wedding. And posters are laying guilt trips on the nephew for not inviting the whole, gigantic family.

OP chose to have a huge family. Good for her. But they can't ALL be invited to everything.

If OP wants to go, get a sitter and go. If she's doesn't want to do that, then great, the husband goes. Nobody is going to blink an eye. But the idea expressed by many that the couple should be "punished" or "face the consequences" of not inviting kids is so self-centered and ridiculous.

Yes, you have kids. You love them. That's great. Doesn't make any of them the Second Coming in the eyes of others.

Ok bridezilla. The point is the couple is also not the Second Coming so hopefully nobody is surprised when people decline the invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How far is the travel? I would consider bringing them and using a local babysitter. I’ve done this approach twice successfully. I am also fine leaving my kids with family, but 4 is a lot to leave someone with, so this is another option.

Pack up 4 kids to travel for a wedding where they are not welcome? Are you nuts? That kind of effort would only be worth it if they were attending the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about this. Assuming your kids are really well-behaved, you want to bring them on your trip, and you have a calm enough family to negotiate a little beyond the boundaries of standard etiquette.

Why not reach out to the bride and ask if your well-behaved children may attend the wedding only. Your whole family goes to the wedding.

Then only one parent attends the reception while the other parent watches the children.

The point of the day is actually to witness the wedding. Not to get a free meal or have a date to dance with, although those are courtesies.

I'm sure some people will flame about this. But just wanted to raise it. I have seen two variants of this strategy work well at times with no hard feelings on any side.

Please don’t do this to the bride. The invitation has clearly stated their preferences and it puts her on the spot and in an uncomfortable situation to have to either cave because she feels pressure or repeat their stance on no kids.

Also, kids truly don’t have interest in witnessing a wedding.

PP. You're wrong about the last point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
They don't care about your family, OP, because they either think you can easily arrange childcare, or they expect you not to show up, and for your husband to go by himself.

I'm not surprised, because if the nephew is getting married, he doesn't have kids and clearly doesn't realize what childcare is, and how difficult it can be to arrange, especially for 4 kids. He may also be part of that weird group that can't handle kids at a wedding (even though they're the life and soul of the party, but this is America and Americans are have bizarre hang-ups with kids).

Anyway. You arrange for childcare. You go and your husband stays (that'll show them!). Or you stay and your husband goes. Three options. Pick one.

That would be hilarious if OP went alone 😆 show up just for cocktails at the reception then the rest of the weekend at the pool for a mom’s weekend r&r. With 4 kids OP likely deserves it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How far is the travel? I would consider bringing them and using a local babysitter. I’ve done this approach twice successfully. I am also fine leaving my kids with family, but 4 is a lot to leave someone with, so this is another option.

Pack up 4 kids to travel for a wedding where they are not welcome? Are you nuts? That kind of effort would only be worth it if they were attending the wedding.

I travel with my kids all the time. We enjoy it. Not seeing the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you miss this wedding?

OP: I don't want it to seem uncordial since I was invited.

I had a no-kid wedding (which I stand by, 30 years later, despite having 4 kids myself).
I don't think that's the case - you don't have to go - ever, but you have a built-in-by-them reasonable reason for not going

[Anonymous]

OP: I've met nephew's soon to be wife, they're young 25 & 28. And she's a really sweet young lady, but I don't know if asking to bring our kids would be okay. I'll most likely ask my parents to watch my kids for that weekend because I know DH would like me to come with but didn't want us to burden my parents and he doesn't like using sitters unless we absolutely have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous thread. OP has FOUR kids who aren't little. It's a NEPHEW getting married. In all likelihood it's the bride's family paying for the bulk of the wedding. And posters are laying guilt trips on the nephew for not inviting the whole, gigantic family.

OP chose to have a huge family. Good for her. But they can't ALL be invited to everything.

If OP wants to go, get a sitter and go. If she's doesn't want to do that, then great, the husband goes. Nobody is going to blink an eye. But the idea expressed by many that the couple should be "punished" or "face the consequences" of not inviting kids is so self-centered and ridiculous.

Yes, you have kids. You love them. That's great. Doesn't make any of them the Second Coming in the eyes of others.

I'm a parent of four (now grown) kids and I disagree with the bolded.

One, four kids is not a "huge" or "gigantic" family. One or two kids is small, three-five is kind of average, six-eight or nine is a large family. I feel like you need get into the double digits before you start describing a family as "gigantic."

But two, family size shouldn't dictate whether or not kids are included. If I found out my sibling with two kids had the whole family invited, but mine was not because we have more kids, I'd be very offended. I wouldn't go to the wedding, wouldn't send a gift.

The bride doesn't want 4 kids she's probably never met before taking up half a round table. It's a lot of kids and mouths to feed. She likely hasn't met OP before either. This was a family obligatory invite. Just send the husband and be done with it. Nobody cares if a distant relative will be offended her giant brood can't come.

But it's ok if a family with 2 kids (assuming approx. the same age) she's never met are taking up 1/3 of a round table?
Yeah, the couple can choose to invite or exclude whoever they want because it's their wedding, but to not invite someone because they have more siblings than their cousins do is just rude.
That doesn't appear to be the case in OP's situation though. OP said it's a 21+ wedding.

Where are you getting this from?

Look back at the quotes.
A pp indicated that OP's whole family couldn't be invited because they would take up 1/2 of a round table. That if you have 4 kids you should expect to not be invited, whereas a smaller family would.

I have no problem with kid-free events and weddings. I totally support any bride and groom choosing that.
But the pp seemed to think that (for example):
the nephew has two uncles (brothers) Jack and Steve.

Jack has 2 kids (ages 5 and 7)
Steve has 4 kids (ages 5, 7, 9, and 11)

Both Jack and Steve are equally close to their nephew.
Jack's whole family should be invited, but not Steve's, because Steve has more kids? Screw that.

[Anonymous]

Screw those cheap bastards

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous thread. OP has FOUR kids who aren't little. It's a NEPHEW getting married. In all likelihood it's the bride's family paying for the bulk of the wedding. And posters are laying guilt trips on the nephew for not inviting the whole, gigantic family.

OP chose to have a huge family. Good for her. But they can't ALL be invited to everything.

If OP wants to go, get a sitter and go. If she's doesn't want to do that, then great, the husband goes. Nobody is going to blink an eye. But the idea expressed by many that the couple should be "punished" or "face the consequences" of not inviting kids is so self-centered and ridiculous.

Yes, you have kids. You love them. That's great. Doesn't make any of them the Second Coming in the eyes of others.

I'm a parent of four (now grown) kids and I disagree with the bolded.

One, four kids is not a "huge" or "gigantic" family. One or two kids is small, three-five is kind of average, six-eight or nine is a large family. I feel like you need get into the double digits before you start describing a family as "gigantic."

But two, family size shouldn't dictate whether or not kids are included. If I found out my sibling with two kids had the whole family invited, but mine was not because we have more kids, I'd be very offended. I wouldn't go to the wedding, wouldn't send a gift.

The bride doesn't want 4 kids she's probably never met before taking up half a round table. It's a lot of kids and mouths to feed. She likely hasn't met OP before either. This was a family obligatory invite. Just send the husband and be done with it. Nobody cares if a distant relative will be offended her giant brood can't come.

But it's ok if a family with 2 kids (assuming approx. the same age) she's never met are taking up 1/3 of a round table?
Yeah, the couple can choose to invite or exclude whoever they want because it's their wedding, but to not invite someone because they have more siblings than their cousins do is just rude.
That doesn't appear to be the case in OP's situation though. OP said it's a 21+ wedding.

Where are you getting this from?

Look back at the quotes.
A pp indicated that OP's whole family couldn't be invited because they would take up 1/2 of a round table. That if you have 4 kids you should expect to not be invited, whereas a smaller family would.

I have no problem with kid-free events and weddings. I totally support any bride and groom choosing that.
But the pp seemed to think that (for example):
the nephew has two uncles (brothers) Jack and Steve.

Jack has 2 kids (ages 5 and 7)
Steve has 4 kids (ages 5, 7, 9, and 11)

Both Jack and Steve are equally close to their nephew.
Jack's whole family should be invited, but not Steve's, because Steve has more kids? Screw that.

OP has made it pretty clear that the kids aren't close to the B&G. OP has met the bride once she said? So yeah, if you have a large family and are that far out of the inner circle you should expect any of your kids to be invited, let alone 4. People with larger families get how this works. I have 3. If we show up with our 3, and so do a few other families it would be overrun by kids. I'm not selfish enough to realize this isn't practical or feasible for every host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How far is the travel? I would consider bringing them and using a local babysitter. I’ve done this approach twice successfully. I am also fine leaving my kids with family, but 4 is a lot to leave someone with, so this is another option.

Pack up 4 kids to travel for a wedding where they are not welcome? Are you nuts? That kind of effort would only be worth it if they were attending the wedding.

I travel with my kids all the time. We enjoy it. Not seeing the issue.

The issue is they weren't invited. Not the actual travel. But, you know this. To go out of your way to crash a wedding with 4 uninvited guests is something.