Dating a married person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say hey to my husband. He's not the prize you think he is.

Female here.

You're clearly not a prize either Otherwise he wouldn't be out cheating.

Men cheat for one for one reason, their wives do not have sex with them often or enough. I find my marriage is best when we are having sex regularly. So I make time for it.

I’m the quoted PP. You’re right. I’m not. He had zero interest in having sex with me and made that quite clear — to the point of faking injuries. Go ahead and imagine that I’m the most hideous beast you can imagine and blame me for that, too. I promise I’ve heard it already.

He’s still not a prize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are scum

He is a known troll. Don’t pay him any mind.

[Anonymous]

I think you have lost your way in the world. If they have an open relationship, there is no immortality to your relationship and you are just involved in a fling, since she already has a husband. I would never lower myself to sneaking scraps of rotten food from someone else’s table, but then again I am a man who seeks higher value women. Being secure and valuing yourself is not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say hey to my husband. He's not the prize you think he is.

Female here.

You're clearly not a prize either Otherwise he wouldn't be out cheating.

Men cheat for one for one reason, their wives do not have sex with them often or enough. I find my marriage is best when we are having sex regularly. So I make time for it.

Okay, Pickmesha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this all you have to temporarily hide the pain of your miserable life, OK

Disagree.

Maybe you are polyamorous. Meaning you don’t need or want one relationship to satisfy you as the expectation in monogamy.

We could classify serial cheaters as well. I, a single divorced woman, briefly dated a younger, married man who was a dad. I wasn’t his first girlfriend on the side.

It wasn’t for me in the end. But having been divorced and coparenting I see how maintaining both a romantic relationship and a functional parenting team and managing the economics of a marriage over decades isn’t always worth the effort.

There is a massive difference between poly and cheating. They are not synonymous. Whether or not OP is poly, this is enabling cheating. Ethically polyamorous people don't cheat, nor do they partner with cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At first i was not feeling very comfortable with a secret relationship, but after a few encounters in a hotel room I absolutely love it. The other person is so experienced in bed.

I don’t expect anything serious about this. But I do feel connected to this person . The individual is so attractive and charming. I just feel bad that we have to meet in secret, as we were committing a crime.

Should I continue enjoying live or should I pay attention to my ethical concerns?

Your post is such a weasel-worded tease, OP. You're not "dating a married person". You're enabling a cheater. You know it's wrong, you know you suck as a person for doing it, and if you use whatever validation you may get from an online forum apparently full of cheaters to rationalize continuing this behavior, well, good luck.

Dating a married person who is still "technically married" but separated and/or in an open relationship might be workable/ethical. "dating" someone you have to meet in secret 1) isn't dating; 2) isn't ethical; and 3) isn't likely to end well for anyone. If you're so desperate for attention that you'd go for it anyway (and posting this strongly suggests you are), then you deserve whatever you end up with. Probably an STI from one of the other people of loose morals they're banging on the side. People who do this aren't known for their integrity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At first i was not feeling very comfortable with a secret relationship, but after a few encounters in a hotel room I absolutely love it. The other person is so experienced in bed.

I don’t expect anything serious about this. But I do feel connected to this person . The individual is so attractive and charming. I just feel bad that we have to meet in secret, as we were committing a crime.

Should I continue enjoying live or should I pay attention to my ethical concerns?

Your post is such a weasel-worded tease, OP. You're not "dating a married person". You're enabling a cheater. You know it's wrong, you know you suck as a person for doing it, and if you use whatever validation you may get from an online forum apparently full of cheaters to rationalize continuing this behavior, well, good luck.

Dating a married person who is still "technically married" but separated and/or in an open relationship might be workable/ethical. "dating" someone you have to meet in secret 1) isn't dating; 2) isn't ethical; and 3) isn't likely to end well for anyone. If you're so desperate for attention that you'd go for it anyway (and posting this strongly suggests you are), then you deserve whatever you end up with. Probably an STI from one of the other people of loose morals they're banging on the side. People who do this aren't known for their integrity.

+1 and am thankful PP took the time to spell it all out, i wasn’t going to put in that kind of time…
—NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are in Virginia you are actually committing a crime. Just FYI.

I am DC so I am safe 😅.

Trolling from dc?

[Anonymous]

You are not dating them - they are cheating on their spouse with you. Big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not dating them - they are cheating on their spouse with you. Big difference.

That’s not happening either. It’s just a troll post.

[Anonymous]

My friend was in a longterm relationship where she cheated with several men, one of whom was married.

It has not turned out well for her socially.

Pretty much everyone but me has taken the ex-boyfriend's side, and I am only still cordial with her out of loyalty (we have known each other since we were 15). Just the other day she was asking when is the last time I saw "Jane" because Jane hasn't responded to any of her texts....I just saw Jane two weeks ago because I haven't alienated everyone due to my piss poor behavior. Just today she was complaining that no one is going to her party on May 3...her ex is having a party the week before and all of those same people are going.

Look, not enabling a cheater should be the main reason to not date a married dude but if that fails, just think about the harm it does to your reputation. Literally no one wants to be her friend, and the only people who still talk to her are me and some guys who want to have sex with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say hey to my husband. He's not the prize you think he is.

Female here.

You're clearly not a prize either Otherwise he wouldn't be out cheating.

Men cheat for one for one reason, their wives do not have sex with them often or enough. I find my marriage is best when we are having sex regularly. So I make time for it.

I’m the quoted PP. You’re right. I’m not. He had zero interest in having sex with me and made that quite clear — to the point of faking injuries. Go ahead and imagine that I’m the most hideous beast you can imagine and blame me for that, too. I promise I’ve heard it already.

He’s still not a prize.

Oh honey. You deserve dignity and honesty and kindness and love because you are a human being.

You know who's not a prize? A person who can't exit a relationship with honesty and dignity. A person who uses others for their jollies. A person who leads on desperate people for sex. A person who lies to get what they want. A person who thinks relationships should be transactional.

Anyone who looks at a person doing all of that and thinks they're the best they can do deserves our pity. They can't conceive of a healthy relationship with two people being their best selves. And that's sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this all you have to temporarily hide the pain of your miserable life, OK

Disagree.

Maybe you are polyamorous. Meaning you don’t need or want one relationship to satisfy you as the expectation in monogamy.

We could classify serial cheaters as well. I, a single divorced woman, briefly dated a younger, married man who was a dad. I wasn’t his first girlfriend on the side.

It wasn’t for me in the end. But having been divorced and coparenting I see how maintaining both a romantic relationship and a functional parenting team and managing the economics of a marriage over decades isn’t always worth the effort.

There is a massive difference between poly and cheating. They are not synonymous. Whether or not OP is poly, this is enabling cheating. Ethically polyamorous people don't cheat, nor do they partner with cheaters.

I’m aware of the official definitions.

But there’s a danger in coming out “poly” when your partner of 15 years isn’t. Mate. There’s some ethical way of handling it, but it’s not something that you can unknow something.

And it’s possible his wife is in happy denial. We can’t know the situation and it’s best to just refrain from judging.

I suppose if you are worried, make it crystal clear to your spouses that you absolutely need and want to know. Otherwise enjoy your lives and let OP enjoy hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say hey to my husband. He's not the prize you think he is.

Female here.

You're clearly not a prize either Otherwise he wouldn't be out cheating.

Men cheat for one for one reason, their wives do not have sex with them often or enough. I find my marriage is best when we are having sex regularly. So I make time for it.

I’m the quoted PP. You’re right. I’m not. He had zero interest in having sex with me and made that quite clear — to the point of faking injuries. Go ahead and imagine that I’m the most hideous beast you can imagine and blame me for that, too. I promise I’ve heard it already.

He’s still not a prize.

Oh honey. You deserve dignity and honesty and kindness and love because you are a human being.

You know who's not a prize? A person who can't exit a relationship with honesty and dignity. A person who uses others for their jollies. A person who leads on desperate people for sex. A person who lies to get what they want. A person who thinks relationships should be transactional.

Anyone who looks at a person doing all of that and thinks they're the best they can do deserves our pity. They can't conceive of a healthy relationship with two people being their best selves. And that's sad.

Relationships are complex and sex is more than just “jollies” for some people. And some people don’t realize that until middle age.

People can maintain strong healthy primary relationships based on pragmatic, economic goals and also have sordid affairs. It is possible.

It just takes a lot more maturity than most of DCUM wants to believe because they want the upper middle class fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a woman theres no way it’s worth it. There’s so much free D out here why risk get assaulted or killed by some spurned wife?

Yep