Why am I so annoyed by all these fully functional adults getting diagnosed with Autism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad is likely autistic, but undiagnosed. He's an engineer who is incredibly socially awkward. He managed to have an engineering career and is quite good at engineering, but you know who got laid off every single time there was a cutback? They guy who was awkward and couldn't maintain relationships. Yup, he was frequently laid off so we moved around all the time. Lots of financial instability, despite having a good income when he had a job.

He's really good at engineering but unable to function as an adult. My mom has prepared every meal he's ever eaten outside a restaurant. When I was a young kid (starting around age 4), if my mom wasn't there to get him food, me or my sister would cook for him and the family. He couldn't even manage to open and heat a can of spaghetti-os. He can't do a load of laundry without issues. He can't maintain a normal relationship. He's never had a friend. He has four kids and has never changed a diaper or been responsible for a child. Before he was married his mom bought him enough underwear that she could come and wash it every 2-3 months because she couldn't stand the idea of him wearing dirty underwear and that's what he'd do.

From Christmas cards, social media and casual interactions you'd never know he isn't a fully functioning adult. But he's not. His life has been entirely focused on getting himself dressed, going to work and then coming home, eating food prepared for him, and his interests. He's been obsessed with the stock market, golf, fishing, god/church, RC airplanes, skiing and home repairs over the years.

Unless you look under the shiny surface, you'd have no idea. Even my inlaws, who have known him for years, have no idea. It's amazing how much can be below the surface.

How can you possible say he is unable to function as an adult if was able to have an engineering career and has various interests such as religion, participates in activities such as golf and fishing, and completes home repairs. He was able to meet a woman and marry. It sounds like he also grew up with women doing everything for men and not being expected to do any household tasks. Did you have brothers? Maybe you were expected to open a can a food and heat it up for him because you were a girl. Guarantee if you didn't do it, he would have eventually opened up a can of food and heated it up or figured out how to get food to eat.

There are so many adults with autism who have never had a job. They can't manage to finish college or if they do they are never ever hired. I am not denying your father had difficulties but you can't possibly lump him in with adults with autism who can hold down a job or only can work part-time menial jobs even though they have degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like loud noises. I don’t like weird substances in my hands that I have to touch. I don’t like to eat some very specific foods and I cut all the tags I can feel out of my clothes. If I were to walk into an office and tell someone who had the ability to diagnose all of this I can almost guarantee you I could walk out with an Autism diagnosis.

That’s the thing-everyone does some of these things/dislikes some of these things. It’s normal.

How many people do you think cut the tags out of their clothes? You are literally describing a hypersensitivity to something that the vast majority of people deal with unconcern.

I think it’s pretty common for people with ADHD, ASD, and even anxiety, to go undiagnosed for a long time, because they’re so used to compensating and masking. They insist they don’t have any sensory issues because they’re fine as long as they wear one specific kind of socks, and they cut all the tags out as soon as they buy new clothes, and they always have noise-canceling headphones handy anyway, so noisy places are no problem for them. They love to try new restaurants, as long as they can thoroughly research the menu, the dining room setup, the restroom situation, and the noise levels ahead of time.

It all becomes so ingrained they don’t realize other people can just…wear the things, and do the things, and go to the places, without requiring the same amount of effort and coping mechanisms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I agree, OP! Of course this does not mean that some of these newly diagnosed adults don't have challenges that warrant understanding and support, and things like increased access to mental health services and understanding of behaviors such as not making eye contact or quietly fidgeting are certainly important.

To some extent we are "all on the spectrum," and if "masking" means expending a lot of energy to comply with social niceties, when those things do not come naturally or intuitively, then that is something basically every introvert does every day. But it is becoming trendy for people who have some autistic traits to self diagnose as autistic. I am an attorney for a university, and there are so many employees now who justify poor behavior based on a new autism diagnosis, when they never would have exhibited that behavior previously. Likewise, so many students now request accommodations of things like not having to participate in class discussions because of autism. It has gone too far.

It is not inherently harmful to rein in poor behavior even if it is stressful and unnatural; that is part of our social contract. Also, certain situations inherently require social engagement, such as participating in a university seminar. With practice and exposure, these things become less anxiety-provoking.

This is just not true. I am an introverted person and yes it does take a lot of energy for me to be social in the way society expects. For my autistic daughter, it is far more challenging. Masking takes orders of magnitude more energy for her than it does for me. The impact- that most don't see- is enormous.

Agree completely.

[Anonymous]

You’re incapable of living and letting live, OP, so there’s that. Your inability to focus on yourself rather than judging and hyperobserving others is a problem. Go get diagnosed.

[Anonymous]

“This is just not true. I am an introverted person and yes it does take a lot of energy for me to be social in the way society expects. For my autistic daughter, it is far more challenging. Masking takes orders of magnitude more energy for her than it does for me. The impact- that most don't see- is enormous.”

Agree completely with this PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too many people working to achieve 100% mentally healthy status. Everyone has some oddities or weaknesses. I get that it is stressful but you’re sort of functioning.

However I’d really prefer more resources to the severely impacted people. Like can’t leave the house, not toilet trained, facing homelessness, etc.

It seems like you are blaming autistic adults with lower support needs for the lack of sufficient resources for those with higher support needs. Why do you blame them? It's not their fault.

Fwiw my child's diagnosis makes me wonder if I am autistic (I'm not broadcasting this to anyone I know IRL) and it's a huge shift for me, a good one. It doesn't mean I think I am cool and quirky. I don't think I am cool or quirky at all. It might mean my brain works differently from most other people's and that's why social interactions are so hard for me. It means social expectations are based on brains that aren't like mine. Knowing this is possible makes me feel less ashamed of myself.

I think the point other people are trying to make is that you don't know how other people's brains work. If you met me at a party, you would say that I was neuro-typical. However, I make a great effort to behave in a certain way at parties. I think a lot of introverts do too. I also have anxiety in other areas. I have an extreme fear of driving, but I will drive to the party because I need to overcome that fear. I have other irrational anxieties that I won't get into. Am I introverted? Am I neuro-diverse? Do I have an anxiety disorder? Am I high functioning autistic? I think I am just an average person with my own idiosyncrasies, just like most people.

[Anonymous]

I think the problem is the word autism to represent non verbal humans who will never work a real job to quirky people who don’t understand others emotions.

FWIW I was officially diagnosed with adhd in my 40s after years of struggling and compensating and not achieving my potential despite my supposed high IQ. The truth is that if were medicated earlier then I may be a doctor now. Before there was no chance of me focusing enough to study for medical school. My brain was just not capable. And if you think everyone can benefit from meds, not true. I had a friend who was prescribed adhd meds and she had a mental break because it was not her true need and her brain began to move so fast she had some massive panic attacks.


To all this I say…it isn’t about you…just let it go and do you. You have no clue what’s going on behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

There are actual authors and neuropsychiatrists publishing about these issues who would be able to frame them in ways that will help you understand them in greater nuance than any Reddit or social media ever could. I recommend:

Devon Price - Unmasking Autism
Donna Henderson - Is This Autism?

When you’re annoyed with the discourse on social media and discussion boards like these, it’s a good sign that you’re just skimming the surface and need to engage in something more substantial.

[Anonymous]

The spectrum is too broad which convolutes everything and makes the diagnosis meaningless at times. Op is not totally wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. What? Who do you know getting diagnosed based on social media platforms? Who do you know that got an illegitimate diagnosis from a professional, and how do you know it's illegitimate? Why would a parent want an autism diagnosis if their child has no issues? We didn't want one, but it definitely fits our kid. We also don't pretend ASD1 is the same as ASD or ASD3, but you seem to think ASD1 is invalid, which is offensive.

That’s kind of the point-it makes actual legitimate cases of ASD 1 look like a joke since “professionals” seem to be totally comfortable labeling anybody who wants it.

And also nobody goes around in real life using terms like ASD 1 or ASD 3. They just say I am autistic or I have Autism same thing is they are talking about their child. They are honestly different worlds and should be two completely different diagnoses.

We had Asperger's Syndrome until the equity police got ahold of it.

Asperger was a Nazi and the diagnosis was found to be inconsistently applied and could over change over the lifespan

Asperger was a German who lived during that time.

Asperger's is still a diagnosis in England, fyi, and in the US is still used by many people because it is so useful.

[Anonymous]

They should have different labels for it and not call it a spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re incapable of living and letting live, OP, so there’s that. Your inability to focus on yourself rather than judging and hyperobserving others is a problem. Go get diagnosed.

This and mostly this.

Also, the issue OP has is truly with the DSM-5 authors, i.e. the medical establishment that made the diagnostic criteria so wide and vague without any differentiation within the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad is likely autistic, but undiagnosed. He's an engineer who is incredibly socially awkward. He managed to have an engineering career and is quite good at engineering, but you know who got laid off every single time there was a cutback? They guy who was awkward and couldn't maintain relationships. Yup, he was frequently laid off so we moved around all the time. Lots of financial instability, despite having a good income when he had a job.

He's really good at engineering but unable to function as an adult. My mom has prepared every meal he's ever eaten outside a restaurant. When I was a young kid (starting around age 4), if my mom wasn't there to get him food, me or my sister would cook for him and the family. He couldn't even manage to open and heat a can of spaghetti-os. He can't do a load of laundry without issues. He can't maintain a normal relationship. He's never had a friend. He has four kids and has never changed a diaper or been responsible for a child. Before he was married his mom bought him enough underwear that she could come and wash it every 2-3 months because she couldn't stand the idea of him wearing dirty underwear and that's what he'd do.

From Christmas cards, social media and casual interactions you'd never know he isn't a fully functioning adult. But he's not. His life has been entirely focused on getting himself dressed, going to work and then coming home, eating food prepared for him, and his interests. He's been obsessed with the stock market, golf, fishing, god/church, RC airplanes, skiing and home repairs over the years.

Unless you look under the shiny surface, you'd have no idea. Even my inlaws, who have known him for years, have no idea. It's amazing how much can be below the surface.

How can you possible say he is unable to function as an adult if was able to have an engineering career and has various interests such as religion, participates in activities such as golf and fishing, and completes home repairs. He was able to meet a woman and marry. It sounds like he also grew up with women doing everything for men and not being expected to do any household tasks. Did you have brothers? Maybe you were expected to open a can a food and heat it up for him because you were a girl. Guarantee if you didn't do it, he would have eventually opened up a can of food and heated it up or figured out how to get food to eat.

There are so many adults with autism who have never had a job. They can't manage to finish college or if they do they are never ever hired. I am not denying your father had difficulties but you can't possibly lump him in with adults with autism who can hold down a job or only can work part-time menial jobs even though they have degrees.

That post makes no sesnse with people self diagnosing. That could be anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too many people working to achieve 100% mentally healthy status. Everyone has some oddities or weaknesses. I get that it is stressful but you’re sort of functioning.

However I’d really prefer more resources to the severely impacted people. Like can’t leave the house, not toilet trained, facing homelessness, etc.

It seems like you are blaming autistic adults with lower support needs for the lack of sufficient resources for those with higher support needs. Why do you blame them? It's not their fault.

Fwiw my child's diagnosis makes me wonder if I am autistic (I'm not broadcasting this to anyone I know IRL) and it's a huge shift for me, a good one. It doesn't mean I think I am cool and quirky. I don't think I am cool or quirky at all. It might mean my brain works differently from most other people's and that's why social interactions are so hard for me. It means social expectations are based on brains that aren't like mine. Knowing this is possible makes me feel less ashamed of myself.

I think the point other people are trying to make is that you don't know how other people's brains work. If you met me at a party, you would say that I was neuro-typical. However, I make a great effort to behave in a certain way at parties. I think a lot of introverts do too. I also have anxiety in other areas. I have an extreme fear of driving, but I will drive to the party because I need to overcome that fear. I have other irrational anxieties that I won't get into. Am I introverted? Am I neuro-diverse? Do I have an anxiety disorder? Am I high functioning autistic? I think I am just an average person with my own idiosyncrasies, just like most people.

It sounds like you are an average person with your own idiosyncrasies.

But I am not basing my feeling I might be autistic on my social anxiety. There are a lot of things I keep thinking of that make me think my brain might actually be very different those of most people. But since you don't believe me, I guess I must be wrong lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like loud noises. I don’t like weird substances in my hands that I have to touch. I don’t like to eat some very specific foods and I cut all the tags I can feel out of my clothes. If I were to walk into an office and tell someone who had the ability to diagnose all of this I can almost guarantee you I could walk out with an Autism diagnosis.

That’s the thing-everyone does some of these things/dislikes some of these things. It’s normal.

How many people do you think cut the tags out of their clothes? You are literally describing a hypersensitivity to something that the vast majority of people deal with unconcern.

Yeah I cant relate to any of these things you are stating "everyone" does. We dont.