Dad in our friend group had a mental break and threatened to kill another child in the friend group, advice needed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know who this is and it is too much detail you are sharing. I suggest deleting. It now

Then text me.

Are you the dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Restraining orders
Contact extended family
Have attorney jointly represent the other families and pressure police. Take it to media (they won’t identify but can publish the threats and police inaction)
Keep telling the story and show the texts to every mandatory reporter you know. Squeaky wheels.

OP, there is nothing identifying in the post. People are so bizarre.

If what you have written is true, this man ticks all the boxes for family annihilation and mass shooter. People should take this very seriously

I am not friends with the wife's mom but another mom is. I know in the past she has expressed concern about her SIL (and her daughter cut her off for months for it). She said her parents were coming into town to help but we have no idea if that's true since none of us have been seeing them since this happened. I do think reaching out to her parents to make sure they have gotten the full story is not a bad idea. I understand he is not close to his parents at all but don't know any more.

She should test the waters. But really I’m not sure you are taking this seriously enough. 14 families together can afford an attorney, who will know the right levers to pull. The system seldom works as it is supposed to on paper. It’s very much about knowing who actually does what and getting access to them.

Also, if the mom wakes up, support tf out of her because she will need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so bad that I would move, including switching schools to get away from this family. He’s clearly mentally unstable and might act on it at any moment. I wouldn’t risk my family’s lives no matter how convenient or how nice of a community you have built.

+1
If this is real, it's a tragedy waiting to happen

Sadly it is real, but can you really wrap your head around moving and changing your kids' school? We are so happy living here and our kids love their school. Again, I'm not trying to minimize the threat, I am terrified of him, but actually relocating is a lot to wrap my head around.

I probably would not switch schools. I’d definitely move though. If this is not resolved quickly.

We built our house. It's the only place our kids have ever known. We love every square inch of it. I hear what you're saying, I do, but I'm having a hard time digesting the idea of moving.

The school has been made aware, he has been banned from coming on campus, and security has been given pictures of him, so I do feel like our kids are safe there thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know who this is and it is too much detail you are sharing. I suggest deleting. It now

Then text me.

Are you the dad?

I'm the OP. I'm calling out the liar who said they know who it is. If they did know, they'd text me, not respond on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Restraining orders
Contact extended family
Have attorney jointly represent the other families and pressure police. Take it to media (they won’t identify but can publish the threats and police inaction)
Keep telling the story and show the texts to every mandatory reporter you know. Squeaky wheels.

OP, there is nothing identifying in the post. People are so bizarre.

If what you have written is true, this man ticks all the boxes for family annihilation and mass shooter. People should take this very seriously

I am not friends with the wife's mom but another mom is. I know in the past she has expressed concern about her SIL (and her daughter cut her off for months for it). She said her parents were coming into town to help but we have no idea if that's true since none of us have been seeing them since this happened. I do think reaching out to her parents to make sure they have gotten the full story is not a bad idea. I understand he is not close to his parents at all but don't know any more.

She should test the waters. But really I’m not sure you are taking this seriously enough. 14 families together can afford an attorney, who will know the right levers to pull. The system seldom works as it is supposed to on paper. It’s very much about knowing who actually does what and getting access to them.

Also, if the mom wakes up, support tf out of her because she will need it.

Many of us have consulting with attorneys. I was told we could get a restraining order, which I guess you're saying we should do. She did say that charges could be filed by the people who were specifically named in the text thread (the rest of the dads were referred to as you all or you guys or the like, only one wife is on that text chain for the fantasy football league) but that they'd likely be reduced. My husband wasn't specifically named and I wasn't on the text thread. Threats have to be in writing to be effective in our state unless made to teachers or medical professionals, then they can be oral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not have called the police for a "welfare check", you should have called saying he has threatened you/someone with a gun.

You have the text - that is a threat
He has the ability to carry it out - picture of a gun.

That is against the law.

He gets arrested, is forced to get help.

I didn't call the police but another dad called because of his text threats and pictures of the gun but he was mostly concerned because the girls were in the house with a loaded gun sitting on the countertop. It might not have been termed a welfare check, I don't know since I didn't call. If I said the wrong thing I'm sorry.

And unfortunately while I agree with you that threatening someone in writing is a felony, the police seemed very nonchalant about it. We definitely would have thought especially after multiple calls that he would have been taken in but he was not.

You can skip the police you can go and asked to file a report. You go to the police station file a report. They are required to refer to the state attorney’s office.

Also, you can go straight to the courts and ask for a restraining order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Restraining orders
Contact extended family
Have attorney jointly represent the other families and pressure police. Take it to media (they won’t identify but can publish the threats and police inaction)
Keep telling the story and show the texts to every mandatory reporter you know. Squeaky wheels.

OP, there is nothing identifying in the post. People are so bizarre.

If what you have written is true, this man ticks all the boxes for family annihilation and mass shooter. People should take this very seriously

I am not friends with the wife's mom but another mom is. I know in the past she has expressed concern about her SIL (and her daughter cut her off for months for it). She said her parents were coming into town to help but we have no idea if that's true since none of us have been seeing them since this happened. I do think reaching out to her parents to make sure they have gotten the full story is not a bad idea. I understand he is not close to his parents at all but don't know any more.

She should test the waters. But really I’m not sure you are taking this seriously enough. 14 families together can afford an attorney, who will know the right levers to pull. The system seldom works as it is supposed to on paper. It’s very much about knowing who actually does what and getting access to them.

Also, if the mom wakes up, support tf out of her because she will need it.

I meant to respond to this part - I agree. I've told the only person that has talked to her to say that we're here if she needs help but otherwise we are completely disengaging from them.

[Anonymous]

The wife is an enabler. Disassociate completely with these trash

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those parents are dangerous and negligent, so keep away. Maybe talk with CPS to give your account and possibly get advice. And let the girls know they are welcome in your home.

+1 coordinate with the other families and make sure you’re all offering play dates/ dinners/ weekend outings for these kids so they can spend less time at home and know they have a village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming this story is true (honestly, it sounds like that show about a neighborhood of swingers), consider your friend group/neighborhood/social life to be over.

If you exclude this family, the dad will retaliate. If you don't, you're putting yourselves in danger. The only option is move.

Only sane option

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those parents are dangerous and negligent, so keep away. Maybe talk with CPS to give your account and possibly get advice. And let the girls know they are welcome in your home.

+1 coordinate with the other families and make sure you’re all offering play dates/ dinners/ weekend outings for these kids so they can spend less time at home and know they have a village.

Nope. You protect your family first. You do not invite trouble in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wife is an enabler. Disassociate completely with these trash

+1 “trauma response” BS. There is no excuse to literally turn your phone off to hang with your college friends while your children are being threatened by their father and neighbors have been dragged into the situation. You don’t just get to check out of being a parent because you need a good night’s sleep and don’t want to ruin your vacation.

My sympathy only extends to those poor girls stuck with these horrible parents.

[Anonymous]

I would move. Like, tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wife is an enabler. Disassociate completely with these trash

I agree. This is a clear gender bias. The wife is acting this way because of “trauma” so she needs to be excused for harming her children? Maybe the dad is too. What difference does that make?

[Anonymous]

We had a domestic homicide in our immediate family and had done the restraining order. It made no difference. If more people the murderer had animosity towards had been present or his guns hadn't been confiscated earlier, more would have died. The local police were of no help. The combination of substance abuse, mental illness and a deadly weapon is very dangerous. All the police told us with the restraining order was to call them when he showed up. They were called twice and took half an hour to get there but our family member was killed between the first 911 call and the second when he forced his way in. We were just one family but if 14 families combine your efforts with the school and law enforcement, you will get more attention. One person should not be terrorizing all these families.