Do men love their kids?

[Anonymous]

This is an incredibly insulting question - if you really have to ask I'm sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve often wondered something similar but for a different reason. I would never leave my kids and move out to go live somewhere else. Men do it ALL the time, women much less frequently. It’s not that I think they don’t love their kids, I just literally can’t comprehend how they can do it.

My dad did it, my own husband did it (left his kids with his ex). I just wouldn’t.

You have GOT to be kidding me. Women move out to go live with another man ALL THE TIME.

[Anonymous]

Generally, men love themselves first and their wife/kids second. Women love their kids first and themselves second.

Of the divorced parents I’ve known, men tend to prioritize their own happiness and will give up custody or move out of state for “work”. They’ve explained to me that they need to put on their own oxygen mask first to be a good dad, or that they don’t feel guilty because they are providing for their kids.

I remember going on a date with a man who poured so much of his money into an entrepreneurial venture that he lived in a trailer with other men in an area so had a judge ruled his kids couldn’t visit him there, so he only saw them once a month. But this was okay with him, because he planned on making a ton of money so he could provide for his kids later on.

Which he did, but he also remarried and started a new family. My guess is that his kids would have preferred he work a regular job and stayed with their mom rather than try to buy their love later on.

Of course this isn’t always the case. I lost my mom very young and we were raised by my dad. He did a fantastic job and put us first - he quit his demanding career and got a lower paying one so he could be finished by 3pm every day, did not date at all until we were well into our 20s, as kids he always spent quality time with us every day.

But among other kids I knew who lost their mom, it was far more common for dad to start dating right away. I knew kids who went through severe depression, self-mutilation, etc because their dad immediately started bringing other women home. Absolutely terrible.

I know those dads would say they loved their kids, and would be concerned enough to get them into therapy, but wouldn’t go as far as putting their kids’ needs above their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, men love their children.

But not in the same way as women. Men's priority is the woman with whom they are sleeping. If that relationship ends (widowed, divorced), they will prioritize finding a new woman to sleep with, and it is very clear that finding and establishing this new relationship comes before their existing children.

Men seem to struggle with maintaining their relationship with children when the children's mother disappears.

Yeah I'm struggling with doing literally everything for my kids right now, while their useless mom spends all day asleep on the couch in her new place. Homework help, doctor's appointments, extracurriculars, college search, you name it, it's ALL ME.

So eff you and your idiotic ideas of male priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do men love their kids? Like truly love their kids or do they just take care of them out of obligation?

They don’t take care of them.
They love the idea of their kids and being an adult with kids. But….

Their priorities are themselves (their food, sleep, entertainment) and their work image.

I'm busting my ass for my kids right now, they are my priority.

Idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the usual DCUM misandry.

If the post was about generalizing about all women, it would've been removed by now.

+1

It’s this forum in a nutshell.
Completely divorced from reality.

Yes and it is further proof that women are completely incapable of understanding how men think and feel. This despite women priding themselves on their supposed "empathy".

[Anonymous]

I know a couple who broke up when the wife cheated on her husband and moved away leaving him with their kids. Everyone around them is rightfully horrified by her behavior and none of us can figure out how a mom just abandons her family like that. A marriage breaking up and a divorce -- ok we get that. But I don't know how a mother walks away from her kids. I also have an uncle who raised his two daughters solo because his wife left them and same thing -- how do you abandon your kids like that.

But it's interesting because I know a number of men who have cheated on their wives and divorced and are now pretty minimally involved with their kids and I never hear anyone say "I just don't understand how he can abandon his family like that." Like people aren't impressed by these men but they aren't surprised by it.

I just think culturally we don't expect men to be as attached to kids or family. Obviously some men are but it's not expected in the same way it is for women. Both the women I've mentioned here who abandoned their kids ran away and started new lives elsewhere -- I don't know what even happened to them. And no one has any interest in maintaining relationships with them because of what they did. But the men I know who have done the similar are still right where they were -- same jobs and same cities. People don't approve but also aren't shunning them. Just a very different dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve often wondered something similar but for a different reason. I would never leave my kids and move out to go live somewhere else. Men do it ALL the time, women much less frequently. It’s not that I think they don’t love their kids, I just literally can’t comprehend how they can do it.

My dad did it, my own husband did it (left his kids with his ex). I just wouldn’t.

You have GOT to be kidding me. Women move out to go live with another man ALL THE TIME.

And leave their kids? No. Women almost never leave their kids and when they do it's a huge deal. But men leave their kids so often we have entire legal structures set up to address the problem of men abandoning their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a different kind of love.

I rarely see men who truly try to improve as a parent and not make the mistakes their parents did. It’s more that they try their best, and if their kid gets messed up, they don’t worry about it.

Sort of like romantic relationships. Women are generally the ones who read relationship books and take responsibility for monitoring how the relationship is going. Men rarely do that.

Also far less guilt and shame.

You are dumb and narrow minded

I think it's a generalization, but it's true for many men.

-dp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a different kind of love.

I rarely see men who truly try to improve as a parent and not make the mistakes their parents did. It’s more that they try their best, and if their kid gets messed up, they don’t worry about it.

Sort of like romantic relationships. Women are generally the ones who read relationship books and take responsibility for monitoring how the relationship is going. Men rarely do that.

Also far less guilt and shame.

You are dumb and narrow minded

I think it's a generalization, but it's true for many men.

-dp

And many women. So what’s your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just the usual DCUM misandry.

If the post was about generalizing about all women, it would've been removed by now.

+1

It’s this forum in a nutshell.
Completely divorced from reality.

It’s just a lot of projection. There’s a lot of bitter, shrew harpies here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Generally, men love themselves first and their wife/kids second. Women love their kids first and themselves second.

Of the divorced parents I’ve known, men tend to prioritize their own happiness and will give up custody or move out of state for “work”. They’ve explained to me that they need to put on their own oxygen mask first to be a good dad, or that they don’t feel guilty because they are providing for their kids.

I remember going on a date with a man who poured so much of his money into an entrepreneurial venture that he lived in a trailer with other men in an area so had a judge ruled his kids couldn’t visit him there, so he only saw them once a month. But this was okay with him, because he planned on making a ton of money so he could provide for his kids later on.

Which he did, but he also remarried and started a new family. My guess is that his kids would have preferred he work a regular job and stayed with their mom rather than try to buy their love later on.

Of course this isn’t always the case. I lost my mom very young and we were raised by my dad. He did a fantastic job and put us first - he quit his demanding career and got a lower paying one so he could be finished by 3pm every day, did not date at all until we were well into our 20s, as kids he always spent quality time with us every day.

But among other kids I knew who lost their mom, it was far more common for dad to start dating right away. I knew kids who went through severe depression, self-mutilation, etc because their dad immediately started bringing other women home. Absolutely terrible.

I know those dads would say they loved their kids, and would be concerned enough to get them into therapy, but wouldn’t go as far as putting their kids’ needs above their own.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw a man on a school field trip with his kid.

He literally was in his phone with his office the entire day. Never sat one on one, present in the moment with the kid.

On the bus on the way home, I heard him call his wife and say how great it was for them to have that time together.

I wanted to grab the phone and tell her the truth.

Maybe he believed what he was saying?

Do you have a job, pp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take a bullet for mine.

But there are a lot of “narcissists” out there, both men and women, that are incapable of it.

“I would die for you” has never impressed me. How very passive and bet.

Personally, I would *kill* for mine. And that isn’t hyperbole. I literally would.

Huh? Wouldn’t giving one’s life be a greater sacrifice than taking one?

What part didn’t you understand? It’s not impressive to say you would die for someone. It is MUCH more impressive to say you would kill for them.

Try to keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take a bullet for mine.

But there are a lot of “narcissists” out there, both men and women, that are incapable of it.

“I would die for you” has never impressed me. How very passive and bet.

Personally, I would *kill* for mine. And that isn’t hyperbole. I literally would.

Huh? Wouldn’t giving one’s life be a greater sacrifice than taking one?

What part didn’t you understand? It’s not impressive to say you would die for someone. It is MUCH more impressive to say you would kill for them.

Try to keep up.

Thank you Brian Laundrie’s mom.