Ugh, mid-40s weight gain -- what do I need to change about my diet/exercise routine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it just happens and there isn't a lot you can do about it. Hormones/metabolism changes at these ages and I think there is part of it that is just going to come down to acceptance. You can be the absolute fittest and healthiest you can possibly be and you are not going to look like you did when you are 30 ever again. I'm also struggling with, but it just what it is. And life is too short to make yourself miserable over it.

As for me, I have gained about 10 lbs very slowly over the course of years starting at bout 35 and frankly, I'm lucky I made it that long without having to think about food/exercise. I was 5'7" and about 118 for ever, so honestly, it wasn't a huge deal. Then two years ago I gained in a very short amount of time for really no reason at all. Nothing about my food intake, exercise, etc. changed at all. I've talked to a bunch of friends in their early 40s and its seemed a bit of a universal experience.

I don't like it, but at some point, you just have to accept it. You'll be happier if you do.

What is up with all these women on this thread trying to convince other women to just give up? No, none of us are going to look like 20-yr olds, and that’s not the goal. But many of us are not going to roll over and get fat bc that’s what our mothers and grandmothers did. The reality is that medical research has always been based on men and their bodies and that’s why women never knew what to do when we hit perimenopause and menopausal years and weight started creeping up. Now, we know more, but still not nearly enough. The current advice for fighting the “inevitable” peri/menopausal weight gain and fighting bone loss is to eat high ratio of lean protein, cut processed white carbs, lift heavy weights, and move your feet. You can be strong and fit over 40.

I was looking at pics of my grandmothers recently, and in the 40s, they were strong and fit. But they didn't look 20, they didn't even look 40. They looked like they were in their 60s because they both had huge families (no access to birth control) and so had to breastfeed babies, chase after toddlers, and manage tweens and teens all at the same time. Cutting carbs? They were lucky to eat a carb with their kids eating all of them. Lifting weights? They were lifting children all day everyday. It's funny how today we are lucky to worry about things that they didn't even have an opportunity to worry about.

My mom and my paternal grandmother (my maternal grandmother died before she turned 40) were both overweight in their 40s, and both dieted a lot (didn't exercise or live an active lifestyle, and my grandmother drank a lot). I feel like I've tried to learn from that and have stayed active and been more thoughtful about my diet all along. I think the attitude used to be that women would gain weight and become more sedentary when they had kids, and that's just how it was. I am in my 40s and am a healthy weight, without engaging in the kind of fad and yo-yo diets they did, in large part because I've never accepted "oh I'm a mom now, I'm going to gain 30 lbs eating garbage and start watching a lot of daytime TV." I also want to model healthy behavior for my kids (which means being active and eating well, but also not modeling restrictive dieting or obsessive exercise due to unhappiness with my body).

Some middle aged moms today might be less healthy than in prior generations, but for my family at least, the opposite is true. My sister is also healthy and fit. We both remember our mom just kind of hating herself and her body but also doing a lot of very unhealthy things in our childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just want to be clear, I have zero interest in "giving up." Just from a health perspective, I love exercise and I want to be active and healthy for the rest of my life. I workout daily! This is not a question of either trying or not. I'm trying no matter what.

I seriously just don't know what to do about the pooch. I do cardio daily. I do targeted core work almost daily. I lift heavy. The only thing I haven't done is dramatically shift my diet (i.e. cut out sugar) and I guess I'm just bummed that it seems like that's the only way. Plus what if I cut out sugar and I still have a belly? Sometimes I wonder if this is just the inevitable shape of my body since having kids.

I guess what I'd like to know is: has anyone successfully eliminated or greatly reduced a small belly, and if so, what do you think the key was? I know some people never get one (lucky!) and some people might decide to accept it. But if you couldn't accept it and found a way to get rid of it, how did you do it?

Tummy tuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it just happens and there isn't a lot you can do about it. Hormones/metabolism changes at these ages and I think there is part of it that is just going to come down to acceptance. You can be the absolute fittest and healthiest you can possibly be and you are not going to look like you did when you are 30 ever again. I'm also struggling with, but it just what it is. And life is too short to make yourself miserable over it.

As for me, I have gained about 10 lbs very slowly over the course of years starting at bout 35 and frankly, I'm lucky I made it that long without having to think about food/exercise. I was 5'7" and about 118 for ever, so honestly, it wasn't a huge deal. Then two years ago I gained in a very short amount of time for really no reason at all. Nothing about my food intake, exercise, etc. changed at all. I've talked to a bunch of friends in their early 40s and its seemed a bit of a universal experience.

I don't like it, but at some point, you just have to accept it. You'll be happier if you do.

What is up with all these women on this thread trying to convince other women to just give up? No, none of us are going to look like 20-yr olds, and that’s not the goal. But many of us are not going to roll over and get fat bc that’s what our mothers and grandmothers did. The reality is that medical research has always been based on men and their bodies and that’s why women never knew what to do when we hit perimenopause and menopausal years and weight started creeping up. Now, we know more, but still not nearly enough. The current advice for fighting the “inevitable” peri/menopausal weight gain and fighting bone loss is to eat high ratio of lean protein, cut processed white carbs, lift heavy weights, and move your feet. You can be strong and fit over 40.

Excellent post!

- 50s woman & looking gooood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it just happens and there isn't a lot you can do about it. Hormones/metabolism changes at these ages and I think there is part of it that is just going to come down to acceptance. You can be the absolute fittest and healthiest you can possibly be and you are not going to look like you did when you are 30 ever again. I'm also struggling with, but it just what it is. And life is too short to make yourself miserable over it.

As for me, I have gained about 10 lbs very slowly over the course of years starting at bout 35 and frankly, I'm lucky I made it that long without having to think about food/exercise. I was 5'7" and about 118 for ever, so honestly, it wasn't a huge deal. Then two years ago I gained in a very short amount of time for really no reason at all. Nothing about my food intake, exercise, etc. changed at all. I've talked to a bunch of friends in their early 40s and its seemed a bit of a universal experience.

I don't like it, but at some point, you just have to accept it. You'll be happier if you do.

What is up with all these women on this thread trying to convince other women to just give up? No, none of us are going to look like 20-yr olds, and that’s not the goal. But many of us are not going to roll over and get fat bc that’s what our mothers and grandmothers did. The reality is that medical research has always been based on men and their bodies and that’s why women never knew what to do when we hit perimenopause and menopausal years and weight started creeping up. Now, we know more, but still not nearly enough. The current advice for fighting the “inevitable” peri/menopausal weight gain and fighting bone loss is to eat high ratio of lean protein, cut processed white carbs, lift heavy weights, and move your feet. You can be strong and fit over 40.

I was looking at pics of my grandmothers recently, and in the 40s, they were strong and fit. But they didn't look 20, they didn't even look 40. They looked like they were in their 60s because they both had huge families (no access to birth control) and so had to breastfeed babies, chase after toddlers, and manage tweens and teens all at the same time. Cutting carbs? They were lucky to eat a carb with their kids eating all of them. Lifting weights? They were lifting children all day everyday. It's funny how today we are lucky to worry about things that they didn't even have an opportunity to worry about.

My mom and my paternal grandmother (my maternal grandmother died before she turned 40) were both overweight in their 40s, and both dieted a lot (didn't exercise or live an active lifestyle, and my grandmother drank a lot). I feel like I've tried to learn from that and have stayed active and been more thoughtful about my diet all along. I think the attitude used to be that women would gain weight and become more sedentary when they had kids, and that's just how it was. I am in my 40s and am a healthy weight, without engaging in the kind of fad and yo-yo diets they did, in large part because I've never accepted "oh I'm a mom now, I'm going to gain 30 lbs eating garbage and start watching a lot of daytime TV." I also want to model healthy behavior for my kids (which means being active and eating well, but also not modeling restrictive dieting or obsessive exercise due to unhappiness with my body).

Some middle aged moms today might be less healthy than in prior generations, but for my family at least, the opposite is true. My sister is also healthy and fit. We both remember our mom just kind of hating herself and her body but also doing a lot of very unhealthy things in our childhood.

Good for you and your sister for breaking the cycle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 47 with 2 kids and not giving up. I do not have a pooch and I’m very toned. At this age, you have to lift weights and watch calories, particularly sweets, and limit alcohol. Does it require sacrifice? Yes! You have to decide which is worth it and the answer differs by the person. When I see myself heavier in pictures, I’m motivated to watch my diet. It’s not worth it to feel crappy, look crappy, and not fit into my clothes. I love the confidence that I have when I feel good about my body and feel strong. It improves my motivation at work and how I feel with my husband. For me, the trade off is worth it.

OP here. Did you ever have a pooch? I got mine after having kids and the shape of my belly just changed. But it only became pronounced enough to bother me in the last couple years. I think it's just once my body had that shape, literally any amount of weight gain was going to make it more obvious, because all the weight seems to go straight to my belly now.

I had heard of this phenomenon before but when I made it through pregnancies and post partum and was pretty much the same size as pre-babies with just a little more roundness in my belly, I thought I'd escaped it. I guess not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 47 with 2 kids and not giving up. I do not have a pooch and I’m very toned. At this age, you have to lift weights and watch calories, particularly sweets, and limit alcohol. Does it require sacrifice? Yes! You have to decide which is worth it and the answer differs by the person. When I see myself heavier in pictures, I’m motivated to watch my diet. It’s not worth it to feel crappy, look crappy, and not fit into my clothes. I love the confidence that I have when I feel good about my body and feel strong. It improves my motivation at work and how I feel with my husband. For me, the trade off is worth it.

OP here. Did you ever have a pooch? I got mine after having kids and the shape of my belly just changed. But it only became pronounced enough to bother me in the last couple years. I think it's just once my body had that shape, literally any amount of weight gain was going to make it more obvious, because all the weight seems to go straight to my belly now.

I had heard of this phenomenon before but when I made it through pregnancies and post partum and was pretty much the same size as pre-babies with just a little more roundness in my belly, I thought I'd escaped it. I guess not.

tummy tuck and keep your bmi 19-21

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just want to be clear, I have zero interest in "giving up." Just from a health perspective, I love exercise and I want to be active and healthy for the rest of my life. I workout daily! This is not a question of either trying or not. I'm trying no matter what.

I seriously just don't know what to do about the pooch. I do cardio daily. I do targeted core work almost daily. I lift heavy. The only thing I haven't done is dramatically shift my diet (i.e. cut out sugar) and I guess I'm just bummed that it seems like that's the only way. Plus what if I cut out sugar and I still have a belly? Sometimes I wonder if this is just the inevitable shape of my body since having kids.

I guess what I'd like to know is: has anyone successfully eliminated or greatly reduced a small belly, and if so, what do you think the key was? I know some people never get one (lucky!) and some people might decide to accept it. But if you couldn't accept it and found a way to get rid of it, how did you do it?

So then you decide what you want to do next? It's like you are going to be crying over missed pastries and that was your only opportunity to eat them.

[Anonymous]

I have a twin sister - we are both 40. I weigh probably 10 more pounds than her and have a small belly. She is lean with absolutely no belly. We are both 5'7" - she weighs around 140 and I weigh around 150.

Here are the differences:

1) She had two moderately sized babies (8 pounds) in her 20s and got back into shape immediately vs me who had 3 large (9+ pound babies) in my 30s/mid 30s and it has been hard to get back in shape afterward
2) She is a long distance runner. She probably runs 1500-2000 miles a year and does marathons. I do not run at all and weight lift
3) She doesn't each much in terms of carbs because she is gluten intolerant. I on the other hand love carbs and try to cut them out as much as possible

Just an anecdotal tale of two women both in their 40s fighting the good fight to stay in shape. Sometimes I get depressed that she is thinner than I am but her kids are also much older than mine and I am running around after a toddler still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 47 with 2 kids and not giving up. I do not have a pooch and I’m very toned. At this age, you have to lift weights and watch calories, particularly sweets, and limit alcohol. Does it require sacrifice? Yes! You have to decide which is worth it and the answer differs by the person. When I see myself heavier in pictures, I’m motivated to watch my diet. It’s not worth it to feel crappy, look crappy, and not fit into my clothes. I love the confidence that I have when I feel good about my body and feel strong. It improves my motivation at work and how I feel with my husband. For me, the trade off is worth it.

OP here. Did you ever have a pooch? I got mine after having kids and the shape of my belly just changed. But it only became pronounced enough to bother me in the last couple years. I think it's just once my body had that shape, literally any amount of weight gain was going to make it more obvious, because all the weight seems to go straight to my belly now.

I had heard of this phenomenon before but when I made it through pregnancies and post partum and was pretty much the same size as pre-babies with just a little more roundness in my belly, I thought I'd escaped it. I guess not.

I’m the 47 year old poster. I had a small pooch after each kid in my 30s. I lost it with diet and exercise (mostly diet). I definitely relax my eating around the holidays. Belly is the first place that carbs and sugar go as belly weight is a sign of insulin resistance. As soon as I monitor my calorie intake and cut out sugar, I lose weight in the stomach and get toned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just want to be clear, I have zero interest in "giving up." Just from a health perspective, I love exercise and I want to be active and healthy for the rest of my life. I workout daily! This is not a question of either trying or not. I'm trying no matter what.

I seriously just don't know what to do about the pooch. I do cardio daily. I do targeted core work almost daily. I lift heavy. The only thing I haven't done is dramatically shift my diet (i.e. cut out sugar) and I guess I'm just bummed that it seems like that's the only way. Plus what if I cut out sugar and I still have a belly? Sometimes I wonder if this is just the inevitable shape of my body since having kids.

I guess what I'd like to know is: has anyone successfully eliminated or greatly reduced a small belly, and if so, what do you think the key was? I know some people never get one (lucky!) and some people might decide to accept it. But if you couldn't accept it and found a way to get rid of it, how did you do it?

So then you decide what you want to do next? It's like you are going to be crying over missed pastries and that was your only opportunity to eat them.

Since giving up sweets is such an emotional hurdle for you, I’d recommend taking three months to conduct an experiment. Cut out sweets, temporarily, and see how you feel for three months. That’s enough to gauge whether it makes a difference. If you’re not satisfied it’s worth it, make peace with your pooch and eat a cookie.

[Anonymous]

Read books by Dr Stacy Simms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it just happens and there isn't a lot you can do about it. Hormones/metabolism changes at these ages and I think there is part of it that is just going to come down to acceptance. You can be the absolute fittest and healthiest you can possibly be and you are not going to look like you did when you are 30 ever again. I'm also struggling with, but it just what it is. And life is too short to make yourself miserable over it.

As for me, I have gained about 10 lbs very slowly over the course of years starting at bout 35 and frankly, I'm lucky I made it that long without having to think about food/exercise. I was 5'7" and about 118 for ever, so honestly, it wasn't a huge deal. Then two years ago I gained in a very short amount of time for really no reason at all. Nothing about my food intake, exercise, etc. changed at all. I've talked to a bunch of friends in their early 40s and its seemed a bit of a universal experience.

I don't like it, but at some point, you just have to accept it. You'll be happier if you do.

What is up with all these women on this thread trying to convince other women to just give up? No, none of us are going to look like 20-yr olds, and that’s not the goal. But many of us are not going to roll over and get fat bc that’s what our mothers and grandmothers did. The reality is that medical research has always been based on men and their bodies and that’s why women never knew what to do when we hit perimenopause and menopausal years and weight started creeping up. Now, we know more, but still not nearly enough. The current advice for fighting the “inevitable” peri/menopausal weight gain and fighting bone loss is to eat high ratio of lean protein, cut processed white carbs, lift heavy weights, and move your feet. You can be strong and fit over 40.

Excellent post!

- 50s woman & looking gooood

But OP is already doing all that. It’s not like she’s lounging on the sofa eating Cheetos. If she’s exercising almost every day and eating well except for some sweets, then this is about as good as her body is going to get, unless she sacrifices something that really gives her pleasure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m basically in exactly the same place, and I think that since we both have pretty good exercise and diet routines, probably the healthiest and kindest thing we can do is to accept that our bodies are changing, permanently, and that chasing that 25 or even 35 year old body is an effort in futility. Seriously moving the needle on body fat will entail a level of caloric scrutiny and deprivation that is probably not good, mentally or physically.

NP. Totally agree. I’m 45 and do barre, lift, cardio etc. A good workout 6 days a week. I don’t overeat. I’m accepting some of these changes. I don’t want to spend the second half of my life starving.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to accept having a "pooch" as you all so provincially call it. You can actually avoid this through diet. I'm 45 and have a flat stomach, even after 4 csections. Diet is everything.

[Anonymous]

I would also like to point out that belly fat is the most dangerous fat one can carry, as a man or a woman. Everything you can do should be done to avoid it.