My DS had no friends in HS. Brought his guitar to college and made so many friends there. It also helped that the dorm he stayed had a piano and he met so many ladies with his guitar and piano skills. He will graduate next week. |
My daughter made 2 close friends in college, but 1 is moving away after graduation so she will start her postgraduate life with just 1 local friend. Like others said, I think the pandemic affected this group most of all. They started college online. All the ways you are supposed to meet people in college - clubs, classes, parties, football games - were shut down. It may sound crazy, but I feel like my daughter never really gained her footing in college after missing out on everything freshman year. I hope she'll make friends at her job and grow her social circle. |
I agree. I don’t have lifelong friends from college (from elementary school, yes), but I had so much fun in college that I feel that I oversold the experience to my daughter. It’s different times now. OP, best wishes to your daughter and hope she finds her people through work, hobbies, etc. |
I would not count on this as many offices are in person for only two to three days a week. I would encourage her to find roommates in her new city and look for social activities to join. Given that she’s had difficulty making friends in both high school and college, I’d consider social skill therapy and an evaluation of whether her anxiety can be better controlled. |
If it’s a lifelong pattern, there is likely definitely something in your child’s behavior that contributes to it. |
+ 1. I think your daughter will be fine. I went to an elite, all girls HS and hated it. I was like the PP who hated her HS graduation. My College, workforce, adult life all fine! Just had to get away from those girls. And your daughter is a step ahead of many with a built in sports team. About partying, from my kids’ experience at college, there seems to be less partying than I would have thought. Kids seem to be into being active, healthy, getting good grades, general “hanging out “etc. Best of luck to your daughter! |
Same. |
Thanks-I really hope you are right! The school is miserably cliquey-9th grade was Covid year and most agree their class never bonded properly. It’s just a sad culture of one-upsmanship that I think stems from parents dying for their kids to be “popular”. Next level, here we come!! |
One other perspective - I grew up in a NY suburb and went to college in Florida. I didn't feel a deep connection with friends in either place in HS or college. It wasn't until I moved to California that I felt like I had "found my people." |
That is not my takeaway from PP's post. PP, I am sorry. Hope your kid finds her people. I posted earlier about mine not having much of HS friends. Had similar issue with some group events being focused on drinking, and that is not her. Has found her group in college but it took a while. Some in this group are also drinking focused, but there is balance, and they respect her (and others) who don't mind people drinking but don't want that to be the focal point. Maturity helps. But, be prepared to keep encouraging your kid beyind the first semester. I think with this pandemic/phone generation, it can just take longer. |
This was me in undergrad! Extroverted, had a boyfriend, but made no genuine friendships during undergrad. It was completely different than I expected. My social life really took off thereafter and so I hope these young women understand that it really can get better. |
+1. Same, but daughter. She does not need to be you, nor take on your burden, OP. Say this to YOURSELF as often as necessary. Some women implode slowly, and the first thing to go is their social skills. I can not speak for men, as I am not one. Be the example for your daughter. Be social, damn those who are not. Show her how to suck it up when you do not want to, sometimes. There are some awfully weird creatures in your area. Don't be one of them, do better, be stronger, be the adult, be the example. Women in your area tend to tear each other down, be stronger than that. Show your daughter how. You don't have to be "on" all the time, but show her how to get by. I miss my dear mum who could talk to anyone, from any walk of life, when THEY approached HER, and kept her for seemingly hours in the grocery. She was a good woman, and looked upon favorably in her community BECAUSE she knew how to acknowledge and entertain those from all different stratas - NOT because she thinks she is too good for (fill in the blank - usually the wrong person, who is the humble success - who could get her somewhere meaningful) |
LOVE THIS. |
I agree with this. I had a few friends from college, but not many. I didn’t go to my college graduation and it was fine. I’m a happy, well-adjusted adult who is married and who has several good friends. Don’t make her go for you. Let her move on and find her way. |
USC cancelled the main stage graduation, seems like as good a year as any to skip. Surprised this context wasn't mentioned. |