4th grade boys--are they all jerks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4th grade boys (and 5th… and forever???) are rambunctious, under exercised, hilarious, smart mouth balls of energy and boundary-pushing. Sometimes that makes them jerks, yes (especially in groups), but mostly they just deserve an eye roll and a hair scrub.

- mom of girls who spends a lot of time at school

+1

OP by contradicting the boy, you equaled his combative energy and you proved his point. You *were* scary. You need to learn how to neutralize instead. This is what good parents, teachers, etc. do on the regular.

So when an adult politely corrects a kid that is being “scary”?? Jesus no wonder all these kids need safe spaces just to function

[Anonymous]

Maybe the kid is a jerk. Maybe there is another explanation like some 4th grade inside joke that you are not aware of. Maybe your child told this kid he was "scary." Who knows.

The important thing is to not as an adult take anything that a 10 year old boy does towards you too personally.

[Anonymous]

White fragility . Poor you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I commented above, but as a mom of a 4th grade boy with many 4th grade girl neighbors I want to add something.

Just as many 4th grade girls make the same judgmental or gossipy comments, they are just sneakier about it. If a 4th grade girl made the same comment and you heard it, that’s because she Wanted you to hear it.

The socially adept girls are sneakier about it (not as many social rewards for girls to be loud with their mean comments as for boys). The socially inadept ones aren't.

I will never forget the day my (then) 4th grade son came home and said incredulously, "Mom, did you know that girls can have entire conversations during class without using any words?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The child doesn't sound like a jerk. Sometimes the truth is just hard to hear, OP.

…..you all are crazy. Yeah, the boy sounds like an ass. Come ON.

[Anonymous]

Why do you keep bringing up size, OP?! Little & petite....maybe the way you and your son act/speak is "scary"? While it was rude of the boy to say that within earshot of you or maybe to say it to someone else at all. It was his opinion, and your did not handle the whole situation well as pointed out by previous posters.

[Anonymous]

No, many 4th graders act like jerks sometimes.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Apologies for my hastily written subject line. I came in front the event in a flurry and was pivoting to a meeting a few minutes later. Obviously, or maybe hopefully, they aren't all jerks, but, like I said--hastily written.

On DCUM, and the internet in general, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, so, I realize there is generally no reasoning with trolls, nasty keyboard warriors, or sanctimommys.

To the PP who asks why I "keep bringing up size"-- first of all, it was only once, and was simply to convey that neither myself nor my child are physically intimidating in a way that would explain the origins of the comment.

And if the way I interacted with the kids is scary, then this child is going to have some real issues, because I acted no different than any other parent visiting for the presentations that day. If people think that general friendly mom communication with kids is off putting enough to justify unprovoked rude remarks, then, you're likely part of the problem yourselves.

And to top it off, when my child came home on Friday, he said his back was hurting, I asked why, and he proceeded to lift up his shirt and explain that he had gotten a rug burn from being dragged around by the legs by the rude comment boy and another classmate. It was enough of a rug burn that it definitely took more than a few seconds to make. My child said that when the teacher intervened and stopped the incident, they sent him to the nurse to get ice. I took pictures and emailed the teacher to ask about what had happened. I spoke with the teacher today and they apologized for failing to notify me on Friday, and said they were going to call the other boys' parents to discuss the incident. Now I am even more concerned--there are issues with classroom management, safety, etc. And I think this solidly points to a safe conclusion that the rude remark boy is in fact a jerk.

[Anonymous]

My son is in 3rd and while he is nice and sweet most of the time, he definitely has some rude moments and can make insensitive and immature comments. I think for my son and most kids in general, they typically act better behaved around other adults than they do around their own parents so I would be surprised if my son made a comment like that to a classmate’s parent and think doing so points to a more rude type of kid that is typical. Most kids are nice kids at their core but make stupid comments and can be rude and have no filter at times just like anyone else. They are young, they are still learning.

I think your response was good and I’d probably say the same thing. My tactic w kids who are acting rude is to correct them and be direct but kind w them. I find it effective to ask them “what makes you say that?” Or “excuse me? Can you explain what you mean by that?” or “hmm I disagree with you about that. Can you tell me why you think that?” when they say something rude bc often that will make them reconsider and say something less rude the next time.

[Anonymous]

You can't win over a 4th grader who is mocking you by getting defensive. I would have immediately cackled like a witch and assured him I was INDEED terrifying. Of course with a big smile and a laugh. Keep it light hearted and keep a thick skin. Middle school is coming for us!

[Anonymous]

We need to nurture ALL our children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child doesn't sound like a jerk. Sometimes the truth is just hard to hear, OP.

+1

It's so clear that bullying is learned in the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child doesn't sound like a jerk. Sometimes the truth is just hard to hear, OP.

…..you all are crazy. Yeah, the boy sounds like an ass. Come ON.

+1

[Anonymous]

There are jerks at every age. So no not all jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White fragility . Poor you

Take your racist tripe somewhere else.