Teen DD rebelling against achievement culture

[Anonymous]

even kids with perfect grades and perfect scores are having trouble getting into college

Well this is just stupid. Of course they are getting into college.

[Anonymous]

Wow, this is me. I’m a 48 year old rebelling against achievement culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve got a younger kid like this (albeit more extreme). I think it’s OK to enforce a requirement that all homework get done. You can’t force her to do her best but you can require that she at least get it done.

It also seems possible that she might be struggling a little to keep track of everything. Does she have a planner?

I think this is excellent advice. School is their "job" right now. Don't argue about college with a 14 year old. They are just doing this to spin you up. Require that they attend school and homework be completed. Maybe encourage a job (this looks good on college application--don't tell your kid). Start the SAT/ACT convo up again at the end of sophomore year.

[Anonymous]

Get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a college professor with an 11th grader, and we were in the same boat in 9th grade-- not turning things in, not engaging with the material, whining about anything education-related, everyone frustrated and resentful. So I casually polled my students at my selective private university. MANY of them say they were the same. That they didn't really get motivated academically until 10th or even 11th grade.

And I saw it with my own HS student. Somewhere around the end of 10th grade, a light switched on. My child is now top of the class in several subjects, even tutoring peers, and doing well enough in others.

One thing that was effective was to discuss the cost of school and the burden of loans. Because of my job, my kids will have reduced tuition, but not 0. This seems to have motivated the 11th grader to pursue the kind of grades that earn scholarships. Now, if your child is rejecting the whole idea of higher education, perhaps look together at the careers she could have without a college degree. She might decide that $45k as a hair stylist is plenty. Show her where and how she could live on the income she can expect from her choices. Mine wanted to do e-art for a minute... we looked together at Etsy to see how much competition there was, and they realized that they are no where near as good as a thousand artists already vying for customers-- at a few bucks per image. You get the idea. Work together to take the desired path to its logical conclusion.

YES, we have a winner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent, if you have not guided your children from a young age and instilled in them a work ethic through supervision and example, then it is too late to have this conversation with a teen.

If your kid does not even understand why they have to submit assignments on time then they are not even aware what is at stake and what cost they will pay down the line. Your kids are basically a product of your parenting.

I had a kid like this, straight up through 10th grade. Very smart, but totally internally motivated (or not at all). Didn't really care about grades unless the topic interested him. I just stressed over and over again that the better his grades were, the more choices he would have. I also had one memorable conversation where I told him that it didn't matter if he was going to slack off in college, that in order to get into college he had to trick them into thinking he'd be a good student there, lol.

He really buckled down in 11th and 12th grade and ended up at a decent, not highly ranked college. He ended up a Phi Beta Kappa, graduated summa cum laude, and is now in a top-ranked PhD program. So if this is a product of my parenting, ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent, if you have not guided your children from a young age and instilled in them a work ethic through supervision and example, then it is too late to have this conversation with a teen.

If your kid does not even understand why they have to submit assignments on time then they are not even aware what is at stake and what cost they will pay down the line. Your kids are basically a product of your parenting.

I had a kid like this, straight up through 10th grade. Very smart, but totally internally motivated (or not at all). Didn't really care about grades unless the topic interested him. I just stressed over and over again that the better his grades were, the more choices he would have. I also had one memorable conversation where I told him that it didn't matter if he was going to slack off in college, that in order to get into college he had to trick them into thinking he'd be a good student there, lol.

He really buckled down in 11th and 12th grade and ended up at a decent, not highly ranked college. He ended up a Phi Beta Kappa, graduated summa cum laude, and is now in a top-ranked PhD program. So if this is a product of my parenting, ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't understand the ADHD comment at all. She seems smart and perfectly rational to me. She's right -- AI is going to make current career paths that our schools are preparing children for completely obsolete. So, why bother?

Because we don’t know what the opportunities will be is precisely why our kids ought to challenge themselves in school. It’s about process not product.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of people are missing some of the social/cultural issues impacting Gen Z/Gen Alpha. A lot of kids feel their efforts might be in vain because of AI, climate change, etc. They also see that achievement has not necessarily translated into admissions into elite schools/high paying jobs. Instead of dismissing their concerns and labeling them losers (like one PP), I think it’s important to acknowledge their fears while encouraging them to pursue higher education/career.

It’s NOT “climate change.”

It’s CLIMATE CRISIS

(and everyone should be shouting this!!!)

I’m actually embarrassed for you.
Please take some time to read just a few books beyond the sky-is-falling headlines and realize that, while there are certainly measures we can take to improve or change our environment, the warming and cooling of the temperature of the earth is simply beyond our human influence and is a very predictable trend cycle that display a repeating pattern over hundreds of thousands of years. So maybe calm down.

Or don’t.
But if you’re ArE going to give into the hysteria and panic by flailing around with your hands in the air, screaming at everyone to DO SoMETHINg(!!!) could you at least start by directing the billionaire elites to abandon the “let’s all take a private jet to a remote location to discuss the solution to the problem caused by our private jets” approach? Kthanks.

Not the PP but I’m embarrassed for you. Go read scientific journals and summaries about the current state of affairs re: climate crisis and then get back to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about learning for the sake of learning?

I’m re-upping my post. I don’t understand why people don’t instill the value of learning for knowledge’s sake in their kids. If your focus when it comes to education is grades so that your kids go to college and then get a higher paying job then that’s fine. But what will happen is that some kids will rebel and say well I don’t care about that. But if you instead instill in them the importance of knowledge then whether AI is taking all our jobs or whether we will all die because it’s so hot shouldn’t matter .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about learning for the sake of learning?

I’m re-upping my post. I don’t understand why people don’t instill the value of learning for knowledge’s sake in their kids. If your focus when it comes to education is grades so that your kids go to college and then get a higher paying job then that’s fine. But what will happen is that some kids will rebel and say well I don’t care about that. But if you instead instill in them the importance of knowledge then whether AI is taking all our jobs or whether we will all die because it’s so hot shouldn’t matter .

Isn't that what OP's kid is doing? It sounds like she does well when the topic is something she's interested in learning about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's right and it's driving you crazy because you can't admit that maybe, just maybe you are wrong.

Let her steer the car herself and give her gas money when needed.

This would not work in my household. We all do things we don't like that must get completed anyway in life. OP's DD is no different and her job at the moment is school.

[Anonymous]

Achievement culture is toxic.