Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

DH and I are very careful to not talk in front of the kids about my brother. I think it was more that DS doesn't know any grown men without jobs, and was thinking out loud as he struggled to understand the situation. All he sees is my brother sitting or laying on the couch when he's here. He won't even play on the floor with the kids or go outside to draw with chalk on the driveway. Also, we don't invite my brother. My mother calls and announces she's "sending" him over. He used to try to bring dirty laundry thinking I'd do it for him. DH finally told him after the 4th or 5th time that was never going to happen.

I don’t believe you. Seven year olds are not that obsessed with adult jobs, even in DC. You sound high pressure and anxiety ridden OP. I wouldn’t want to be your brother and I wouldn’t want to be your son!

DP and I'm thinking you don't know any seven year olds.

DP, I’m on the team that says normal 7 year olds are not obsessed with adult jobs.

[Anonymous]

Is this an entire family that behaves like tattling, obnoxious 7-year-olds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this isn’t fake, the idea of a 7-year-old grilling his uncle about what he does all day seems really inorganic. Kids don’t sit around thinking about this shit.

Of course they don't. And invariably people are out of work for maternity leaves, FMLA, furlough, redundancy, etc. 7 year olds don't need to know another adult's business. Uncle should have shut the nosy brat down, if this even happened. Who cares if a kid is confused? He can go back to picking his nose or playing with Legos or whatever he was doing a few minutes prior.

[Anonymous]

I believe you OP. My 7 yr old would have definitely been interested in what an uncle did all day and would have asked questions. However, I would have re- directed ( and often did!).

So, I gently advise that you call your brother and apologize. Clearly your brother struggles, and your parents enable but if you want a relationship with them you need to offer the olive branch.

Going forward, speak with you son about his uncle in a supportive manner, and let him know what is off limits.

And lastly, I certainly hope not, but one day your delightful, inquisitive, amazing 7 yr old could face similar. A friends son is struggling to launch in early 20s and getting anyone over 18 help is almost impossible. They are devastated but short of putting him on the street, what can they do. She certainly did not see this at 7. She saw Ivy League!

Wishing you well.

[Anonymous]

If a 42 year old man can’t call his sister to complain about what her kid said, that’s on him. Putting his parents up to making the call is not okay.

OP, I would have responded to you parents with this: “If Bob was offended by what Larlo or anyone in this family said, he’s welcome to call me to discuss it. This is not your business, and I’m not discussing it with you anymore.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son was parroting comments and sentiments you yourself had expressed. You invited someone to your home only to mock him and enlist your elementary school son in the process. That is no way to treat a guest. You owe him an apology. I suggest counseling to deal with your deep rooted latent hostility and anger towards your family. They’re all obviously fine with their living and support arrangements. You, on the other hand, are seething with rage. Please get help soon and stop attacking those who love you.

Dang, you could show an imax with all that projecting you’re doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this isn’t fake, the idea of a 7-year-old grilling his uncle about what he does all day seems really inorganic. Kids don’t sit around thinking about this shit.

Said by a childless person. One of my kids is like Young Sheldon and he asks questions like this all the time. He’s trying to figure out the world around him. It’s not that uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this isn’t fake, the idea of a 7-year-old grilling his uncle about what he does all day seems really inorganic. Kids don’t sit around thinking about this shit.

Of course they don't. And invariably people are out of work for maternity leaves, FMLA, furlough, redundancy, etc. 7 year olds don't need to know another adult's business. Uncle should have shut the nosy brat down, if this even happened. Who cares if a kid is confused? He can go back to picking his nose or playing with Legos or whatever he was doing a few minutes prior.

If you don’t have kids why are you on this parenting board?

And don’t try to pretend you have kids, you clearly know nothing about kids.

[Anonymous]

Hey bro, I'm sorry my kid has no filter. He shouldn't have said what he said and we're working on manners. See you at 4 for Easter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone assume mental illness? He might just have a strong preference for leisure that his parents have enabled.

Well because most of us learn early on that (unless our families are independently wealthy) we will have to work to support ourselves. I have a strong preference for lounging on my boat but that doesn’t mean that I can just do only that, consequences be dammed. I have to work for a living, and when I have a few days off, I can lounge on my boat and do all the other things that make me happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this isn’t fake, the idea of a 7-year-old grilling his uncle about what he does all day seems really inorganic. Kids don’t sit around thinking about this shit.

Said by a childless person. One of my kids is like Young Sheldon and he asks questions like this all the time. He’s trying to figure out the world around him. It’s not that uncommon.

I’m childless and my nephews ask the wildest questions sometimes. They don’t come out and ask the deeper questions but it usually starts like

“aunt Mary, why don’t you have kids” and goes from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this isn’t fake, the idea of a 7-year-old grilling his uncle about what he does all day seems really inorganic. Kids don’t sit around thinking about this shit.

Said by a childless person. One of my kids is like Young Sheldon and he asks questions like this all the time. He’s trying to figure out the world around him. It’s not that uncommon.

I’m childless and my nephews ask the wildest questions sometimes. They don’t come out and ask the deeper questions but it usually starts like

“aunt Mary, why don’t you have kids” and goes from there.

But they see kids in social settings and see that you don’t have kids whereas other people do in that same setting. How on earth would a 7 year old know what an adult does all day? Out of sight, out of mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give the apology.

However, also say that you hope he understands that you expect your son to be fully employed and are raising him that way. While he's at your home you expect him to instill those same values and not give your son the impression that not having a job and living with parents at 42 is acceptable.

So wither own up to his mistakes, don't bring it up again, or don't come over. His choice.

OP has nothing to apologize for. Children have the right to ask questions, and OP cut off her kid pretty quickly. If the brother has a problem with OP, he should approach OP directly. The parents are entirely out of line and OP owes them no apology. If the brother wants to contact OP directly, maybe she can apologize to her brother directly.

OP should reach out and apologize proactively. And teach her son a little respect for adults and guests in their home.

People keep saying “guests”. He’s her brother! It’s not like the queen of England was visiting her home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is how it really plays out. OP constantly criticizes and talks about her brother and child repeated it.

If I had a brother who mooched off my parents and showed up (uninvited) for sleepovers (and brunch!) I’d be pissed off too. And yes, I’d probably openly complain about the situation in front of my kids. Completely normal IMO.

[Anonymous]

Brother went home and complained to mommy and daddy. Yikes! OP, we don’t know how old your parents are, but be prepared for your parents to ask you to welcome your brother into YOUR house when they pass away.