My 39 y.o. gym trainer is looking for a husband, with no success on dating apps

[Anonymous]

OP you are just mean-spirited and smug. women’s ’market value’? Like we’re some sort of commodity? Mind your own business and beware of judging others - it usually just makes you look like the a**.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I know its none of my business, it just makes me sad how a capable, kind, relatively good-looking 39 y.o. has such a low market value on the dating apps. She meets up with around 2 guys every week, some younger, some older, hooks up with most, but none seem to want to have anything to do with her after a few days.

I don't want to discourage her, so I would never tell her, but what was she thinking in the past 15 years? The same woman, 15 years younger, would be considered very desirable.

Of course she wants kids and has told me that she got into debt to get her eggs frozen.

Women's market value really decreases a lot after 30.

I am 45, married for 18 years, teenage kid, my own house, earning well, etc. I am in a very different place in life. Side remark: The funny thing is that even though I am only marginally older than her, she considers me to be a generation older.

She doesn't want to date other trainers at the gym, even though there would be good candidates.

Any advice I could offer her? I am quite pessimistic about her prospects.

I think this might be the motivation for this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🎶 no one asked OP for help or her opinion 🎶

+1 Why the hell did OP post this in the first place? It's both smug and mean.

+1

I think the OP is the wife and the “friend” really her husbands trainer who makes her nervous. She’s slamming this woman while asserting her own worth.

Nah. OP is a dude. There’s a whole genre of red pill dudes who take great joy in spewing about “low value” women who have “wasted their fertility.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🎶 no one asked OP for help or her opinion 🎶

+1 Why the hell did OP post this in the first place? It's both smug and mean.

+1

I think the OP is the wife and the “friend” really her husbands trainer who makes her nervous. She’s slamming this woman while asserting her own worth.

If the trainer is telling OP’s husband that she screws guys on the second date OP SHOULD be worried…😂😂😂

[Anonymous]

She goes out on 2 dates a week with different men and hooks up with most? Wow. Maybe she should try to get to know them and spend less time on her back? But I suspect this is a humble brag post about yourself. Loser.

[Anonymous]

Assuming OP is a woman (unclear) what she cannot get is that a hot 39 year old single personal trainer may be in fact happier than she is. Who among us wouldn’t sort of want that? I love my kid but freedom also sounds great. The only thing the trainer needs to do is realize that you can be perfectly happy without children. If OP actually wanted to be supportive to this woman (doubtful) she would reassure her that the grass isn’t always greener and she should take her time and only date men she feels good with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🎶 no one asked OP for help or her opinion 🎶

+1 Why the hell did OP post this in the first place? It's both smug and mean.

+1

I think the OP is the wife and the “friend” really her husbands trainer who makes her nervous. She’s slamming this woman while asserting her own worth.

Nah. OP is a dude. There’s a whole genre of red pill dudes who take great joy in spewing about “low value” women who have “wasted their fertility.”

Oooh I think this is it. It would be nice to think women like Op don’t actually exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🎶 no one asked OP for help or her opinion 🎶

+1 Why the hell did OP post this in the first place? It's both smug and mean.

+1

I think the OP is the wife and the “friend” really her husbands trainer who makes her nervous. She’s slamming this woman while asserting her own worth.

If the trainer is telling OP’s husband that she screws guys on the second date OP SHOULD be worried…😂😂😂

OP embellished- reveals her envy (OP is a dowdy sexually repressed housewife in a sexless marriage).

[Anonymous]

To be blunt, your friend waited too long to find "husband material". I'm guessing she is decent looking and probably has a great body. But, she's now 39 and urgently trying to get married.

\NO MAN WANTS TO DATE A WOMEN WHO IS HELL BENT ON GETTING MARRIED.

1. I'm guessing she passed on a lot of great guys who treated her well and were good looking enough in the past. But, now she's regretting it because only losers are left.

2. She's 39. There is a large pool of single women age 25-35 who are 2-10x more desired by men for many reason.

3. Why is she hooking up with guys after only 1-2 dates? Are you serious? LOL, this makes her easy and men will just leave once they get what they want. Who hooks up after only 1-2 days besides colleges kids or kids in their 20s?

4. Stop trying to date online. She needs to get other hobbies where there are real men around not ones looking for a hook up.

But, in the end your friend's value has decreased a lot. As women get near 40 they have waaaay less chance of getting a real man because, as I stated before, the competition is just too much for her. Sucks, but she shouldn't have turned away all the "good guys" I'm guessing she placed on the friend zone so many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🎶 no one asked OP for help or her opinion 🎶

+1 Why the hell did OP post this in the first place? It's both smug and mean.

+1

I think the OP is the wife and the “friend” really her husbands trainer who makes her nervous. She’s slamming this woman while asserting her own worth.

Nah. OP is a dude. There’s a whole genre of red pill dudes who take great joy in spewing about “low value” women who have “wasted their fertility.”

Oooh I think this is it. It would be nice to think women like Op don’t actually exist.

I have a hard time picturing a woman being so unsympathetic, but who knows.

[Anonymous]

UGH, OP, STOP being such a smug married woman.

Your life is NOT better than hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:43 yo guy here. The problem with the trainers I know and have gone on dates with is there isnt much depth to their life. It is all about exercise, calorie/macro counting and a very regimen lifestyle.

Not the lifestyle I want to live and sounds miserable to raise kids with. Plus super fit woman are a turn off to me personally.

Interesting - I had a similar thought. Many trainers/fitness fanatics I know are so obsessed about working out, what they will/will not eat, and literally revolve their life around this. I would be so self conscious dating someone like this.. Feeling like they are judging everything I eat, micromanaging my workouts, etc etc.

Doesn't seem like much fun to me and not much depth to a conversation outside of the daily workouts and eating habits.. boring. I say she get a job outside the gym and keep the training as a hobby/side gig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be blunt, your friend waited too long to find "husband material". I'm guessing she is decent looking and probably has a great body. But, she's now 39 and urgently trying to get married.

\NO MAN WANTS TO DATE A WOMEN WHO IS HELL BENT ON GETTING MARRIED.

1. I'm guessing she passed on a lot of great guys who treated her well and were good looking enough in the past. But, now she's regretting it because only losers are left.

2. She's 39. There is a large pool of single women age 25-35 who are 2-10x more desired by men for many reason.

3. Why is she hooking up with guys after only 1-2 dates? Are you serious? LOL, this makes her easy and men will just leave once they get what they want. Who hooks up after only 1-2 days besides colleges kids or kids in their 20s?

4. Stop trying to date online. She needs to get other hobbies where there are real men around not ones looking for a hook up.

But, in the end your friend's value has decreased a lot. As women get near 40 they have waaaay less chance of getting a real man because, as I stated before, the competition is just too much for her. Sucks, but she shouldn't have turned away all the "good guys" I'm guessing she placed on the friend zone so many times.

stfu about “value.” most men have little value and the unspoken reality is that marriage actually decreases women’s quality of life. yea even to the “good guys.” what OP should say is “wow, you really dodged a bullet not getting weighed down! just have fun dating. you don’t actually need a man to be happy.”

[Anonymous]

This is how dating culture works in the year 2024, the real question is if she's dumping these dudes or they are

More likely her what dude is going to turn down readily available no strings attached that early? Yes there's a lot on the market but 7 days in a week clearly she's catch and release probably a huge ego boost for her

OP - congratulations on your life achievements, wouldn't be surprised if your trainer has a more fulfilling personal life than you by the way. Hopefully she can identify and fix what's preventing her from finding a longer term partner. You don't know her circumstances and I doubt she needs or cares for your artificial "pity"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you have used this post to offer self-congratulatory details about your own life under the guise of concern-trolling for your trainer, whom you’ve identified as low SES, “relatively” good looking, and easy.

No one believes you care about this person.

So you’re a married middle-aged homeowner with a teen who can afford a trainer? Congratulations. Make sure to collect your prize: it’s a colonoscopy and marriage counseling.

Harsh, but true.

OP, you really must keep certain thoughts in your head. Tell your trainer to loosen some looks and SES requirements and not come off as too easy, unless, of course, she has a high drive and needs that (STD testing please).

I suspect it’s not the sleeping around that’s the problem. It’s that she’s targeting people who aren’t her type and aren’t interested in a long term relationship. She has to be upfront about that, to weed out all the men who are just looking for no strings fun.