Emotional needs

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy and my kids are now 5 and 7. When they were born all of my energy went towards getting up a ton of times at night, soothing them when they were crying, diapers, etc. As they got older my energy towards other things like helping them walk, reading/playing with them, making them food all the time, mounds of laundry. Even now that their sleeping is under control I still spend a ton of time preparing meals, doing laundry, showers and referring near constant battles between them.

Maybe this changes when they are older but at this phase it just seems like 100% of my effort (and hers too) goes towards the kids. And honestly I wouldn't even say we are super parents or anything like that, there's just a lot of work with the kids. I guess I don't have much in the way of emotions because there's no time for all that and I'm really too tired from the day to day for that to be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and my kids are now 5 and 7. When they were born all of my energy went towards getting up a ton of times at night, soothing them when they were crying, diapers, etc. As they got older my energy towards other things like helping them walk, reading/playing with them, making them food all the time, mounds of laundry. Even now that their sleeping is under control I still spend a ton of time preparing meals, doing laundry, showers and referring near constant battles between them.

Maybe this changes when they are older but at this phase it just seems like 100% of my effort (and hers too) goes towards the kids. And honestly I wouldn't even say we are super parents or anything like that, there's just a lot of work with the kids. I guess I don't have much in the way of emotions because there's no time for all that and I'm really too tired from the day to day for that to be an issue.

Sometimes, it takes small statements: " Babe, I was watching you struggle with X, and I really wanted to help, but I was busy doing Y. I wis I had more time and energy to make things easier for you".

I tell my husband that most of the time, emotional support is just communicating thoughts. It dies not take long if you were actually thinking it. Lol

[Anonymous]

This is just the female version of a husband whining that his wife isn’t meeting his sexual needs.

And when we hear that on DCUM, the invariable response to him is “you won’t die if you don’t have sex, you’re not entitled to sex, toughen up, do more to make yourself attractive to her.”

Ok then, women won’t die if they don’t get their emotional needs met, they’re not entitled to a husband that cares about their feelings, they should do more to make him interested in their emotional needs.

[Anonymous]

I’m not emotionally needy so it’s not an issue. When I need his help or support he is always there for me and he is a great problem solver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and my kids are now 5 and 7. When they were born all of my energy went towards getting up a ton of times at night, soothing them when they were crying, diapers, etc. As they got older my energy towards other things like helping them walk, reading/playing with them, making them food all the time, mounds of laundry. Even now that their sleeping is under control I still spend a ton of time preparing meals, doing laundry, showers and referring near constant battles between them.

Maybe this changes when they are older but at this phase it just seems like 100% of my effort (and hers too) goes towards the kids. And honestly I wouldn't even say we are super parents or anything like that, there's just a lot of work with the kids. I guess I don't have much in the way of emotions because there's no time for all that and I'm really too tired from the day to day for that to be an issue.

Sometimes, it takes small statements: " Babe, I was watching you struggle with X, and I really wanted to help, but I was busy doing Y. I wis I had more time and energy to make things easier for you".

I tell my husband that most of the time, emotional support is just communicating thoughts. It dies not take long if you were actually thinking it. Lol

PP here and I guess I never considered that emotional support. I offer to take the kids or do whatever to give her some time to herself but I consider that just being a decent partner/teammate. If she wants to see her friends or whatever then sure I've got the kids.

I was thinking of emotional support as something deeper than that...kinda like what we provide to the kids when we talk to them about a bad day or something that didn't go their way and help them work through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and my kids are now 5 and 7. When they were born all of my energy went towards getting up a ton of times at night, soothing them when they were crying, diapers, etc. As they got older my energy towards other things like helping them walk, reading/playing with them, making them food all the time, mounds of laundry. Even now that their sleeping is under control I still spend a ton of time preparing meals, doing laundry, showers and referring near constant battles between them.

Maybe this changes when they are older but at this phase it just seems like 100% of my effort (and hers too) goes towards the kids. And honestly I wouldn't even say we are super parents or anything like that, there's just a lot of work with the kids. I guess I don't have much in the way of emotions because there's no time for all that and I'm really too tired from the day to day for that to be an issue.

Sometimes, it takes small statements: " Babe, I was watching you struggle with X, and I really wanted to help, but I was busy doing Y. I wis I had more time and energy to make things easier for you".

I tell my husband that most of the time, emotional support is just communicating thoughts. It dies not take long if you were actually thinking it. Lol

PP here and I guess I never considered that emotional support. I offer to take the kids or do whatever to give her some time to herself but I consider that just being a decent partner/teammate. If she wants to see her friends or whatever then sure I've got the kids.

I was thinking of emotional support as something deeper than that...kinda like what we provide to the kids when we talk to them about a bad day or something that didn't go their way and help them work through it.

Not really. At least not in my circle. Most women have friends they can talk to about a bad day. It's communication/ thoughts that are harder to outsource.

For example, I have a friend who cooks a lot on the weekends for the entire family while her DH reads for leisure. She has no problem with him relaxing while she cooks but she wants him reading at the kitchen table to keep her company. Simple things like that. Her DH got it after a few mentions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not emotionally needy so it’s not an issue. When I need his help or support he is always there for me and he is a great problem solver.

Why do you need his help when you are not emotionally needy? Is this when "Pick Me" posters have lunch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just the female version of a husband whining that his wife isn’t meeting his sexual needs.

And when we hear that on DCUM, the invariable response to him is “you won’t die if you don’t have sex, you’re not entitled to sex, toughen up, do more to make yourself attractive to her.”

Ok then, women won’t die if they don’t get their emotional needs met, they’re not entitled to a husband that cares about their feelings, they should do more to make him interested in their emotional needs.

And the cycle goes on and on.

I told DH that I don't mind if he does not care about my feelings as long as he is fine with me not caring about his. So far it's one sided with me stroking his male ego while he is being careless with his words.

I can outsource feelings ...and sex too while we are at it.

[Anonymous]

I think people think about things in different ways. My husband is very emotionally supportive. He talks to me about my life, asks my thoughts about various things, shares anecdotes he thinks I'll enjoy, remembers who my friends are and if there are significant things going on that may cause me extra emotional work. In the past, when he was less supportive overall, it was mostly due to us having different roles in the family and different approaches to our various tasks. I am the primary parent and manage the household schedule and calendar. I am the one who does the grocery shopping and meal planning. I remember when people need appointments and make the appointments. He pays some bills and does some specific chores, but he did not really consider all the background household management stuff that I do when he thought about "my stress level." In the past couple of years, we have each been able to take time for personal travel and he has experienced single parenting in a more meaningful way that helps him understand what "my emotional support needs" are actually based on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just the female version of a husband whining that his wife isn’t meeting his sexual needs.

And when we hear that on DCUM, the invariable response to him is “you won’t die if you don’t have sex, you’re not entitled to sex, toughen up, do more to make yourself attractive to her.”

Ok then, women won’t die if they don’t get their emotional needs met, they’re not entitled to a husband that cares about their feelings, they should do more to make him interested in their emotional needs.

And the cycle goes on and on.

I told DH that I don't mind if he does not care about my feelings as long as he is fine with me not caring about his. So far it's one sided with me stroking his male ego while he is being careless with his words.

I can outsource feelings ...and sex too while we are at it.

Wow. You sound like my mother in law. Cold btch without any love from others. Reap what you sow. I fear for your children as they learn to love others with empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just the female version of a husband whining that his wife isn’t meeting his sexual needs.

And when we hear that on DCUM, the invariable response to him is “you won’t die if you don’t have sex, you’re not entitled to sex, toughen up, do more to make yourself attractive to her.”

Ok then, women won’t die if they don’t get their emotional needs met, they’re not entitled to a husband that cares about their feelings, they should do more to make him interested in their emotional needs.

Sorry but no one is going to be having s3x with someone they can’t rely on, can’t trust, or who is negligent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and my kids are now 5 and 7. When they were born all of my energy went towards getting up a ton of times at night, soothing them when they were crying, diapers, etc. As they got older my energy towards other things like helping them walk, reading/playing with them, making them food all the time, mounds of laundry. Even now that their sleeping is under control I still spend a ton of time preparing meals, doing laundry, showers and referring near constant battles between them.

Maybe this changes when they are older but at this phase it just seems like 100% of my effort (and hers too) goes towards the kids. And honestly I wouldn't even say we are super parents or anything like that, there's just a lot of work with the kids. I guess I don't have much in the way of emotions because there's no time for all that and I'm really too tired from the day to day for that to be an issue.

Sometimes, it takes small statements: " Babe, I was watching you struggle with X, and I really wanted to help, but I was busy doing Y. I wis I had more time and energy to make things easier for you".

I tell my husband that most of the time, emotional support is just communicating thoughts. It dies not take long if you were actually thinking it. Lol

PP here and I guess I never considered that emotional support. I offer to take the kids or do whatever to give her some time to herself but I consider that just being a decent partner/teammate. If she wants to see her friends or whatever then sure I've got the kids.

I was thinking of emotional support as something deeper than that...kinda like what we provide to the kids when we talk to them about a bad day or something that didn't go their way and help them work through it.

Most of the time it’s validation that you hear them or empathize with their day. Even better if you agree: that IS hard to do, let’s blah blah blah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just the female version of a husband whining that his wife isn’t meeting his sexual needs.

And when we hear that on DCUM, the invariable response to him is “you won’t die if you don’t have sex, you’re not entitled to sex, toughen up, do more to make yourself attractive to her.”

Ok then, women won’t die if they don’t get their emotional needs met, they’re not entitled to a husband that cares about their feelings, they should do more to make him interested in their emotional needs.

Sorry but no one is going to be having s3x with someone they can’t rely on, can’t trust, or who is negligent.

Sorry but no man is going to care about the “emotional needs” of a woman who isn’t meeting his needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just the female version of a husband whining that his wife isn’t meeting his sexual needs.

And when we hear that on DCUM, the invariable response to him is “you won’t die if you don’t have sex, you’re not entitled to sex, toughen up, do more to make yourself attractive to her.”

Ok then, women won’t die if they don’t get their emotional needs met, they’re not entitled to a husband that cares about their feelings, they should do more to make him interested in their emotional needs.

And the cycle goes on and on.

I told DH that I don't mind if he does not care about my feelings as long as he is fine with me not caring about his. So far it's one sided with me stroking his male ego while he is being careless with his words.

I can outsource feelings ...and sex too while we are at it.

Wow. You sound like my mother in law. Cold btch without any love from others. Reap what you sow. I fear for your children as they learn to love others with empathy.

I wish. Life would be so easy if I were a cold btch towards my DH. I am working on it. I'd keep the marriage for the sake of the children and have my "emotional" support from elsewhere. DH could get his from elsewhere too . Win win for everyone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just the female version of a husband whining that his wife isn’t meeting his sexual needs.

And when we hear that on DCUM, the invariable response to him is “you won’t die if you don’t have sex, you’re not entitled to sex, toughen up, do more to make yourself attractive to her.”

Ok then, women won’t die if they don’t get their emotional needs met, they’re not entitled to a husband that cares about their feelings, they should do more to make him interested in their emotional needs.

Sorry but no one is going to be having s3x with someone they can’t rely on, can’t trust, or who is negligent.

Sorry but no man is going to care about the “emotional needs” of a woman who isn’t meeting his needs.

Which came first? And how do they move forward?