How to get ex to give me back the kids

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wait so you moved away from your kids to remarry? The judge is not going to uproot the kids for a parent who abandoned them —the bar will be very high for abuse and neglect for them to be uprooted. I assume that’s why you don’t want to go through judges or lawyers.

The answer to your question is, you can offer to take them for the entire summer and then enroll them in school where you are. After they have been with you for six months it is considered their new jurisdiction but if you simply don’t return them in violation of a filed existing custody order it is kidnapping if it’s without his consent.


I did not leave my ex to remarry. I left with the kids. When I fell on hard times my ex kept the kids under the guise of giving them back after a year so I could get back on my feet - but then filed for custody. Covid also prolonged the time between his time getting them and is having our case heard. We were separated for years before we got divorced.


You can go back to court but you gave him the kids so the judge just maintained that custody agreement.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So in the span of 4 years you lost custody of your kids and got remarried? These kids are doomed


just stop.

OP - what I would do is move in increments. Start with proposing that they come stay with you for a month (enroll them in school) and go from there. Don’t even bring up formal custody because you don’t want to trigger whatever oppositionality made him do that in the first place. But do make sure you have it in emails so he cannot accuse you of anything.


If DH has a brain cell left, he will oppose all of that.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should (or would be successful) taking the kids away from their home, school, family and friends and shipping them off to wherever you've moved with your new spouse.

Maybe you could look at moving back and then you might be in a better position for 50/50.


Ex is planning to relocate somewhere in the next few months, hopefully closer to me. He has no plan for his life.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it’s wrong when dads are denied their children. Same with woman.. The state courts make it really easy for extreme decisions to occur as a result of interpersonal fights.

All kids need their father. Daughters especially need fathers. All kids need their mother. People should stay out of courts on family affairs— especially during divorce when you are hotheaded and dividing your live savings. Why? bc it’s hard to do over. It’s hard to reverse/ It’s hard to get out of the awful “I’ve won mentality.”

Many who go Family court to fight should be treated as pariahs. Obviously there are exceptions.


This is why if you are a dad and your ex wants sole custody just tell her fine. Next find a descent lawyer (not even a great one) and your changes of success for joint will be close to 99%. Folks sole custody is not easy to get. You need to prove the other party is a danger to the children.


Ex does not have sole custody, he has primary physical custody.
Anonymous
Your kids should be your priority, so you move to where they are instead of uprooting them and taking them from their father. If you can’t do that for them, just stay away and leave them alone.

And I can’t even with you running around dating and remarrying instead of focusing on the mess you made of your first family.
Anonymous
You have two choices:

1) Move to where your ex is. Then file for 50/50.

2) Stay where you are, but file for summer/holiday breaks.

But you’re not going to get a judge to agree to relocate the children unless there is some kind of severe abuse. Not Dad nursing a hangover on Saturday mornings.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Your kids should be your priority, so you move to where they are instead of uprooting them and taking them from their father. If you can’t do that for them, just stay away and leave them alone.

And I can’t even with you running around dating and remarrying instead of focusing on the mess you made of your first family.


Well. Ex is about to uproot them in the next few months with no job lined up. Once you’ve experienced what I experienced with no means of supporting yourself financially unless you leave (and avoid death by suicide, which is where we were) then you might start to understand. In addition to not wanting them to being exposed to abuse. But I know you don’t want to understand, you want to judge.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You have two choices:

1) Move to where your ex is. Then file for 50/50.

2) Stay where you are, but file for summer/holiday breaks.

But you’re not going to get a judge to agree to relocate the children unless there is some kind of severe abuse. Not Dad nursing a hangover on Saturday mornings.


Ex is leaving! Ex is moving! Ex has no idea where he is going!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should (or would be successful) taking the kids away from their home, school, family and friends and shipping them off to wherever you've moved with your new spouse.

Maybe you could look at moving back and then you might be in a better position for 50/50.


Ex is planning to relocate somewhere in the next few months, hopefully closer to me. He has no plan for his life.

Huh? If he has no plan then he’s not planning to relocate. Why would you *hope* he’s moving to you? You need to go wherever he is/goes if you want 50/50.

What does your new husband think about all this? Is he ready to pick up his life and follow you for your kids? Getting remarried before you hashed out your long-term custody agreement seems very shortsighted.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You have two choices:

1) Move to where your ex is. Then file for 50/50.

2) Stay where you are, but file for summer/holiday breaks.

But you’re not going to get a judge to agree to relocate the children unless there is some kind of severe abuse. Not Dad nursing a hangover on Saturday mornings.


Ex is leaving! Ex is moving! Ex has no idea where he is going!


Great. Maybe his orders will get him closer to you this time.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should (or would be successful) taking the kids away from their home, school, family and friends and shipping them off to wherever you've moved with your new spouse.

Maybe you could look at moving back and then you might be in a better position for 50/50.


Ex is planning to relocate somewhere in the next few months, hopefully closer to me. He has no plan for his life.

Huh? If he has no plan then he’s not planning to relocate. Why would you *hope* he’s moving to you? You need to go wherever he is/goes if you want 50/50.

What does your new husband think about all this? Is he ready to pick up his life and follow you for your kids? Getting remarried before you hashed out your long-term custody agreement seems very shortsighted.


Ex is in the foreign service (or similar). Ex goes where Uncle Sam tells him to go. OP knew this (she took the kids and came back stateside when she first left), and still willing gave up custody. Judge just went with the status quo.
Anonymous
Is this the same OP?

Before a child support order is established, what can I do (if anything)?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/653656.page
"I was a SAHM before separating, and have very small children (toddler and baby). I was living overseas with limited employment opportunities so have relocated to the US with our children. "

Or this?

From US diplomat (trailing spouse) to squatter
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1153257.page
Anonymous
OP, "falling on hard times" plus losing kids plus remarrying within 4 years, then wanting to fix things outside the legal system, does not sound promising for your kids, no matter how much you love them.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should (or would be successful) taking the kids away from their home, school, family and friends and shipping them off to wherever you've moved with your new spouse.

Maybe you could look at moving back and then you might be in a better position for 50/50.


Ex is planning to relocate somewhere in the next few months, hopefully closer to me. He has no plan for his life.

Huh? If he has no plan then he’s not planning to relocate. Why would you *hope* he’s moving to you? You need to go wherever he is/goes if you want 50/50.

What does your new husband think about all this? Is he ready to pick up his life and follow you for your kids? Getting remarried before you hashed out your long-term custody agreement seems very shortsighted.


Ex is in the foreign service (or similar). Ex goes where Uncle Sam tells him to go. OP knew this (she took the kids and came back stateside when she first left), and still willing gave up custody. Judge just went with the status quo.


DP. Did I miss a post where she confirmed anything like the ex being foreign service or military? I don't see that in the thread from her but from others assuming it's true or assumiing she's the OP of earlier threads about foreign service couples etc. I might have missed it, though. Which post from her on this thread confirms or denies that the ex (and/or she herself) is or was foreign service or military?
Anonymous
It’s western maryland stripper mom. She comes here often.

Here’s the post where she was contemplating giving her kids to the dad:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/711068.page
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