How to get hoarder sibling to empty/sell elder’s home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read the whole thread, but I have a difficult sibling who I would like to maintain a relationship with but also need some boundaries. Texting is your friend. You do not need to respond immediately (or ever if the text is rude). Phone calls can go straight to VM and be dealt with when you feel like it.

Might I suggest email instead? The hoarder in my life has some OCDPD qualities and would text over and over if I did not respond right away. You should not have to silence your texts. Emails are quieter. You check when you are in the mood. You also have a written record that's easier to print out if the person flips out and says she never promised to move the stuff.

Yes, whether text or email, better to have as much in writing as possible. And include other siblings, if any.

I had to take a relative like this to court because of an estate/trust matter. She tried to tell the judge that I was lying and that she had never said certain things, but I had printouts of months of emails and texts in which she had made the statements she claimed were lies on my part. Bonus, the judge got to see how mean-spirited and nasty she could be in the texts and emails, in addition to the dishonest actions she was actually in court for.

^ That's so crappy when you have to wind up in court over this kind of stuff. Was this a sibling or another relative? I can only imagine that after battling it out in court, the relationship was probably non-existent from then on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Tell them they have until 1/31 and on 2/1 when they haven't done it, call the junk haulers.

I will have to deal with character defamation and screaming and 10 phone calls a day so I care.

OP

Ok you and your sibling have mental health issues.
BLOCK THEIR NUMBER AND WHO CARES WHAT AN UNSTABLE PERSON SSYS ABOUT YOU?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I DO NOT want to end up as a co-owner on a house with the hoarder. If I do, can I make them sell the house??

You can't make crazy people do anything--can't even make sane people do anything, most of the time. But you can disclaim inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay.

Do I tell the hoarder the date for the junk haulers? If not, they will call me multiple times a day to scream at me.

And do I care at all if sibling tracks down the junk haulers to get the stuff back? They might try that.

Sure, tell them the date, mostly so they can’t say later that you lied t them by not telling them.

Nope, don’t care at all if they get the stuff back for themselves.

The important thing is to get the house sold before there are tax consequences for your elderly parent.

This. Hoarding is a mental illness issue and I feel bad for anyone that has it, but the truth here is that it's a secondary concern to the care or/resources for the elderly parent. The hoarder isn't going to voluntarily get the stuff out and you'll be messing around with this forever. Just rip the band aid and get it done.

[Anonymous]

There’s no chance you get out of the situation without the hoarder yelling, so don’t worry about that part. There’s no perfectly peaceful solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot give a hoarder an empty space to fill as they will fill it with new trash. You give a specific date, with enough time to move things and several reminders of when it’s happening. Stay firm and who cares what this person says, it’s about your parents care not their junk.

Thank you. I suspect they would want to keep the house forever. If I wasn’t around, they probably would fill it with junk.

OP

You should change the locks once it is empty or stuff will pile up in there within a few weeks.

Thanks. This hoarder has not done this so far.

They have unusable rooms in their houses (more than one house) yet I’ve not noticed piles growing larger in the parent’s house.

Could they start doing this to sabotage the project!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t own the house yourself outright, no, you cannot do anything legally to force the sale. Even if you are co-inheritors of your parents’ home, you can’t force the sale prior to your parents’ deaths. Even after they die, you would need to take costly legal action to force the sale and it probably would cost you more than just paying for upkeep and taxes for a decade or more.

Thank you. Omg. Then I really have to get rid of the house soon.

I don’t want to be stuck with this house.

[Anonymous]

I have the POA.

Hoarder would be backup if I can’t or won’t do it.

Parent changed POA to me after death of the other parent (years ago) and did want to tell my sibling. They left me with that…and seemed quite gleeful it would be me telling them.

My parent is hot and cold about hoarder sibling. It’s a tiring dynamic.

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t own the house yourself outright, no, you cannot do anything legally to force the sale. Even if you are co-inheritors of your parents’ home, you can’t force the sale prior to your parents’ deaths. Even after they die, you would need to take costly legal action to force the sale and it probably would cost you more than just paying for upkeep and taxes for a decade or more.

Parent wants to sell the house so that’s not a problem. Parent has even offered to help move things along but they don’t have the physical ability any longer. They should have done it long ago.

Hoarder sibling has been slowing down the process.

[Anonymous]

What is your relationship like with the hoarder sib?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship like with the hoarder sib?

It’s okay. I have worked hard for it to be “okay.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I DO NOT want to end up as a co-owner on a house with the hoarder. If I do, can I make them sell the house??

You can't make crazy people do anything--can't even make sane people do anything, most of the time. But you can disclaim inheritance.

NP. This is my plan if it includes just signing over the property to a sibling. I don't have any desire to argue for months and years about each item being saved. Or the upkeep of the property or the eventual sale of the property. I know it would be more frustration than is worth it. I'd rather have peace.

[Anonymous]

No cleaning company will clean out a hoard unless you are the property owner. Do you have ownership? If it belongs to your mother, she needs to give you POA to authorize the company.

I know this because my parents were hoarders and while they were alive I couldn't get anyone to come clean without their permission (which my mother wouldn't give). I even had one of those "experts" from Hoarders who was a friend of a friend try to help and talk to my parents. But unless you own the house, the company won't clean and haul away because they can get sued.

Re hoarding sibling badmouthing you, they are going to do it, so accept that and don't worry about it. There is NOTHING you can say or do that will turn the light bulb on for them and have an a-ha moment where they see the rational in changing their ways. There will be no thank you. Nothing. It is what it is as they say. So go into this with your eyes open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take pictures of every room, document blocked pathways, etc., to make your case in case it goes to court.

This. Take pictures, document any evidence of bug or rodent infestation along with evidence of mold or bathrooms/kitchen made unusable/inaccessible by the hoard. Blocked pathways and windows are a fire hazard.

Don’t expect a hoarder to be rational about the very real need to get the house cleared out. They aren’t mentally right or they wouldn’t have created that hoard to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Tell them it has to be sold due to tax reasons. There’s no disputing that. Set a date that the realtor is coming and the house will need to be empty by that date. Suggest they move anything they wish to keep to storage, and there will be an estate sale and clean out the week before the realtor comes.