Why is my co-worker lying about getting married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A group of co-workers and I were talking about relationships. One of our co-workers has been with her partners for many years so someone asked her when she was gonna get married. She said she got married "a few weeks ago". We were surprised to learn this because we we weren't aware of her getting engaged. She's not wearing any rings and she still signs e-mails under her maiden name. I have her on social media, but she hasn't posted anything pointing to her getting married. Her last post is of her and some friends in some informal dinner. I was talking to another friend at work and we both agree that she doesn't seem to be married and that she's probably embarrassed to be dating this guy for such a long time without a ring.

Many women don’t change their name. Particularly at work.

Not everyone announces an engagement, especially to colleagues. Not everyone wears a ring. Not everyone posts about their relationships on social media. If I got married, the only thing I might do differently from this person is wear a subtle band. Maybe.

You sound like a simpleton looking to be mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20 years ago I went on vacation and came back married without an engagement. I know I'm in the minority here, but I think engagements are silly. If you decide you want to get married, go do it. I'm not a jewelry person either, so no ring. In hindsight, people at work probably thought it was weird too. Why do you even care enough to post about this?

New poster and just saying, it's pretty judgy to deem all engagements "silly." An engagement is not necessarily a showy event with a big, dramatic "ask" in public and a huge ring, followed by months of gushy wedding planning, if that's what you're thinking of. And it's easy to say "if you want to get married, go do it," but some people agree to marry (so...an engagment) and then need time to make arrangements you might not have considered. And I don't mean arrangements as in planning a wedding ceremony. Couples may have to wait for financial reasons, or because one or both need to move to a new location first, or for myriad other reasons. It's pretty black-and-white to say "engagements are silly," period, if you don't know people's circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she just said this and no one asked any other details like where it happened, who was there, what she wore…

Bad troll attempt.

We asked more details, I just didn't include them here because they're not relevant. In fact, she said there was a celebration which is why I'm surprised there's no pics on her social media.

Why? Are you 13 years old?

Those online wedding sites are really cringey. And a massive invasion of privacy. I find the pregnancy Instagram photo shoots even worse.

I mean, if someone wants to show off their wedding to everyone they should go ahead. It's just silly when everyone is expected to do it. I got married and a few people demanded to know why I didn't have a website or posts on my instagram. I reminded them that my marriage is an affair between my husband and I.

[Anonymous]

OP, your question shouldn't be why is my coworker lying about getting married?, It should be "why are grown ass adults harassing a fellow employee by asking invasive personal questions in a work environment?"

Your behavior is highly unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Were you in a sorority, by chance? I think I know what kind of (mean) girl you are.

What you are actually asking is, “What does it say about me that I can’t imagine getting married without demanding attention from everyone around me, admiring myself on social media, putting on a show for coworkers, flashing material possessions, and giving up my name? Isn’t faking it the only way someone could seem so self-possessed, emotionally secure and level-headed about being in a relationship? I will never be that self-actualized, so anybody who claims to be is faking it, RIGHT?”

Girl, she isn’t “embarrassed”. But somebody in your post should be.

You, I love. Dead on.

[Anonymous]

I know a least a few people who did it this way. Some people do it because there are certain legal benefits to being married vs living together.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to this co-worker ASAP and demand to see her marriage certificate. If she disagrees then you'll need to sue her for the emotional damages her secrecy caused you because you are totally entitled to poke your nose in other people's marriages.

[Anonymous]

Why do you care? That's none of your business.